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Any funny jokes??????


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Here's one.............


One day, a bar owner put a sign in his window that said, "Free beer tomorrow".


Soon after, every @$$hole drunk in the neighborhood showed up. They saw the sign in the window and exclaimed, "Hey, I'm comin back tomorrow; there's free beer!"


The next day, the drunks showed up and asked the bar owner for their free beer. The bar owner said, "Can't you read the (bleepin) sign, @$$hole, it says 'Free beer tomorrow!"








Our feet go where the caches are! feet.gif

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I don't think you should have started this thread!


You should make the question "Any good geocaching jokes" to narrow it down.


Because I have tons of good jokes, however most shouldn't be posted. I worked in bars for almost 20 years!


Cache you later,




"It doesn't matter whether you're going somewhere or nowhere, whether you're doing something or nothing. If you're doing it in a boat it's the best time ever!" -Water Rat from "The Wind in the Willows" by Kenneth Grahame (a book I picked up in a cache)


[This message was edited by Planet on November 12, 2002 at 06:10 PM.]

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One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the rascally behavior

that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it



So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When

she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving

and 5% are not."


He thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second

angel to get another opinion."


So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time, too. When the

angel returned she went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95%

are misbehaving and 5% are being good." God was not pleased.


So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because He wanted to encourage

them.... give them a little something to help keep them going.


Do you know what that E-mail said....... ? .


You didn't get one either, huh?

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A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to. The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."



A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is

spinning a 25-cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth.

As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the

wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his


He immediately starts choking and going blue in the face and Dad

starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help. A middle-aged, fairly

unnoticeable man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market

reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the

commotion, he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds

his newspaper and places it on the counter. He gets up from his seat and

makes his unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the man

carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the

25-cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand. Releasing the boy, the

man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar

without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill-effects,

the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him saying:

"I've never seen anybody do anything

like that before." It was fantastic! "Are you a doctor?"


"Oh, good heavens, no," the man replies, "I work for the Internal Revenue




Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know

each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course,

the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very

beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his

tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the

bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to

have a little whisk broom!!! IMPOSSIBLE !! said the groom broom. "WE HAVEN'T

EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!".............


Stop me now, I'm just getting started.


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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There was a guy in a bar one night who got really drunk, I mean

really, really, really drunk.


When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the

door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to

the nun and punched her in the face.


Well, the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say

anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he

stumbled over to her and kicked her in the bum, then he picked her

up and threw her into a wall.


By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much.

Then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and





It's a joke on drunks, not nuns OK?


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties

now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led

to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.


I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I

knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important

to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.


I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and

employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.


I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau

and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,

asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"


Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I

had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of

life. She spent that night at her mother's.


I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss

called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me

to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If

you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find

another job." This gave me a lot to think about.


I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."


"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a



"But honey, surely it's not that serious."


"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as

much as college professors, and college professors don't make

any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"


"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began

to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled

as I stomped out the door.


I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with

a PBS station on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and

ran up to the big glass doors...they didn't open. The library

was closed!


To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for

me that night.


As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass,

whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend,

is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably

recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's

Anonymous poster.


Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I

never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-

educational video; last week it was "Caddyshack." Then we

share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the

last meeting.


I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped



So, if this tends to make you think. Think again


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect

> courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course,

> perfect.

> One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their

> perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of

> the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

> There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to

> disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded

> Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along,

> delivering the toys.

> Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple

> and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

> Question: Who was the survivor?

> (Scroll down for the answer once you've decided.....)








> Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed

> in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no

> such thing as a perfect man.

> Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

> Men keep scrolling.








> So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have

> been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

> By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates

> another point: Women never listen.

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A doctor gets on a plane headed for New York and is delightfully suprised to find out he has a window seat. A few moments later he receives another delightful suprise when another doctor is seated next to him in the middle seat. They start talking at how great the flight will be, since they will have much doctor stuff to talk about.


The flight is about to leave, and the first doctor states how great it would be if a third doctor were to sit in the aisle seat. What a great trip that would be.


Just before the flight attendant closes the door, a lawyer jumps on to the plane and finds his seat next to the two doctors. He introduces himself, then takes off his shoes and places them under the seat in front of him and pulls out his newspaper and begins reading.


The plane takes off and the two doctors are chatting while the lawyer reads his paper. Some time later the first doctor stands up and announces "I think I'll go get a coke." The lawyer, not wanting to get his toes trampled quickly gets up and says "I'm in the aisle, let me get it for you" and quickly disappears.


While he is gone, the doctor reaches under the lawyers seat and picks up one of his shoes, and spits in it. The doctors are laughing when the lawyer reappears with the coke and asks "What's so funny?" The doctors reply "nothing" and the lawyer continues to read the paper as the doctors continue their chat.


Soon the doctor in the middle seat gets up for a coke, and once again the lawyer, in order to save his toes, dashes off to get the coke. While he is gone, the other doctor spits in his other shoe.


The rest of the flight is pretty uneventful, the doctors are chatting and drinking cokes, and the lawyer continues to read his paper. Soon the announcement comes that the plane will be landing soon, and all carry-ons must be stowed away.


The lawyer folds up his paper, and slips on his shoes. Right away he realizes something is wrong and turns to the doctors to say, "You know, this is so childish, this animosity between our professions, doctors vs. lawyers. When is it all going to end, all this spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

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One night Rick got REALLY polluted!


In the morning, he rolled over when he awoke, and sleeping


beside him was the UGLIEST girl he'd ever seen.


Very quietly, he slipped his arm out from under her, got

up, and dressed

as fast as he could.


He put a twenty-dollar bill on the bureau and started to

tip-toe out.


Just then he felt a tug on his pants leg.


Looking down, he saw a girl even UGLIER than the one in the



She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile, and asked,

"Nothing for

the bridesmaid?"


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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The Beer Prayer


Our lager,

Which art in barrels,

Hallowed be thy drink,

Thy will be drunk,

At home as I am in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillages,

As we forgive those who spill against us,

and lead us not to incarceration,

But deliver us from hangovers,

For thine is the beer,

The bitter and the lager,

Forever and ever,



Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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Originally posted by pater47:

An atom walks into the Police Station and says, "I need to report a missing Electron". Police officer asks, "Are you sure?" Atom replies, "Yes. I'm Positive."


Visit the Mississippi Geocaching Forum at



A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he


The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much

will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies

the bartender, "no charge."


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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Once two coworkers, a man and a woman, began having a love affair. When the man’s wife found out she visited a witch and had a curse placed on the both of them.


The curse was that they would be turned into statues in the city park. They would remain there forever, except for one hour each 100 years. For that hour they would be normal humans.


During the first 100 years they stood in the park looking lovingly into each others eyes. And then finally… the day, the hour, the minute came that they were once again human.


As soon as they became human, she looked at him and he looked at her. She asked; “Have you been thinking what I’ve been thinking for all this time?” He replied; “Yes, let’s go into the bushes and do it!”


After 45 minutes they came out of the bushes each looking extremely satisfied. He looked at his watch and said; “We have 15 more minutes, do you think we can do it again?” She replied; “Yes, if we are quick…. But this time you hold the pigeon and I’ll crap on him!”

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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.





The Toe Pages
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(I posted this joke months ago on the forums when we were all bugging locationless geocachers)


Three locationless geocachers were out trying to score the “strange tracks” locationless geocache. Soon they discovered some really strange tracks in the ground that they figured would qualify for a find.


The first locationless geocacher said "I think they are deer tracks".


The second locationless geocacher said "no, they are far to big for deer, they must be bear tracks".


The third locationless geocacher didn’t say anything.... the train had already hit him.


I have never in my life learned anything from any man who agreed with me.


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A father and his 12 year old son went to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription.


Upon waiting for the scrip to be filled, they walked from aisle to aisle, just browsing.


At the father's surprise, the boy asked, "Hey Dad, what are these?" The father looked and realized they were in the condom aisle.


Being straightforward, the father replied, "Well son, those are for men to use to have safe sex and keeping a woman from getting pregnant."


"Oh, I see." The boy said. "But why are there packs of three right here?" The father thought and replied, "Well, packs of three are for the high school age. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night."


"Oh." The boy said, "Well what's with these here?" (pointing to the packs of six) "Those, son are for the college age. TWO for Friday night, TWO for Saturday night and TWO for Sunday night."


"I got it Dad." Then the boy came across the packs of twelve. "Wow, Dad!, Who uses these?"


"Well son, it's like this. Those are for men like me, the married ones. One for January, one for February...............

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A man and woman lay down to sleep for the night. Somewhere around 2:30 AM there is a knock at the door. The homeowner goes down to see who it is.

A man is standing there, he is obviously drunk, and he asks "Can you please give me a push?" The homeowner is annoyed, he dosn't want to put on shoes, pants coat and go out and give this guy's car a push so he says "Have you any idea what time it is? Go away!" and he slams the door and heads back to bed. His wife asks him"Who was it, Honey?" He says "Oh just some drunk wanting a push." She say "Honey, you should help him, remember the time when we were stuck on the highway and it was very late and that guy came along and jump started our car? We would have been stuck on that lonely road all night if not for him, you should go and give him a push." So the guy reluctantly gets up and puts on his shoes and pants and coat and goes back down to the front door. He opens the door and peers out and there no sight of the guy. He yells out the front door "Hello? Are you still there? Do you still need a push?" The drunk say "YES! OH, THANK YOU!" The guy says "Well, where are you?" The drunk says "I'm over here - on the swing".


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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A Green Bay fan used to amuse himself by scaring every Bears fan he saw strutting down the street in the obnoxious blue and orange colors. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, and swerve back just missing them.


One day, while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, and he pulled over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going Father?"


"I'm going to give mass at St. Joseph's church, about 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.


"No problem Father, Climb in, I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.


Suddenly, the driver saw a Bears fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud "THUD."


Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, but didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Bears fan."


"That's OK," replied the priest, "I got him with the door."


- - - - -

Wisconsin Geocaching Association

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Historians researching the circumstances of Albert Einstein's death have determined that he was rubbed out by the mob...........because he knew too much.


Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.


"You can't make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs, but by standing a flock of sheep in that position, you can make a crowd of men" -Max Beerbohm

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Originally posted by georgeandmary:

A man walks into a bar......


He says, "Ow!"






Pedal until your legs cramp up and then pedal some more.


a man walks into a bar, and boy did it hurt.


(don't you hate it when someone does that?)


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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Originally posted by Criminal:

Another riddlish sort of joke:


What do you call a dog with no legs?



It doesn't matter, he's not going to come.


What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying in a ditch?




What do you call a man with no arms and legs hanging on the wall?




What do you call a man with no arms and legs lying on your doorstep?




What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in the pool?




So, I says to the guy at the hot dog stand , Frank I says.....


Cache you later,



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

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What do you call a cow with two legs?


Lean beef!


What do you call a cow with no legs?


Ground beef!



It never does to leave a live Dragon out of the equation.


[This message was edited by brawdy on November 13, 2002 at 09:45 AM.]

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Me and Rubbertoe were sitting around shooting the breeze yesterday when umc comes tearing up on this brand new bike.

“Wow where’d you get the bike?” I said.

“It was the strangest thing…this beautiful woman comes riding up to me, jumps off her bike, strips off all her clothes and says to me ‘ Here I am big boy take what you want.’”

So Rubbertoe says “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t fit you anyway.”



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In Rochester, MN two 11 yr old boys were in the park when a pit bull suddenly attacked one of them. The other grabs a large stick and beats the dog to death. A newpaper reporter saw the whole thing and runs up to the boys. He is asking them questions and scribbling notes on his pad. The young hero looks and sees :"Junior Viking Fan Saves Best Friend".

The lad says, "Sir, I'm not a Vikings fan."

The reporter apologizes and scratches out the line and writes: "Little Packer-Backer to the Rescue"

Again, the boy interrupts and tells the man that he is not a Green Bay fan either.

"Don't you like football?" the astonished reporter queries.

"Sure, I love the Dallas Cowboys" the grinning youth answers.

"I see...." the man says as he begins writing: "Juvenile Delinquent Kill Beloved Family Pet"


Don't blame me, I voted for Jeremy.

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An old man walks into a confessional and says "Father, I'm 95 years old and have lived a good life. "I never drank, smoked, gambled and I've always been faithful to my wife. "But this morning, I met 3 beautiful college girls in the park and they took me back to their dorm room and I had wild sex with them".


The priest says "God will forgive you, you've been a good Catholic until now"


"But I'm Jewish" said the old man.


"So why are you in the confessional telling me this?" said the preist.


"Heck, I'm telling everyone!"


"You can't make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs, but by standing a flock of sheep in that position, you can make a crowd of men" -Max Beerbohm

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What do you call a barmaid who can balance 12 pints on her head?



What do you call a man wearing 2 raincoats?



What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?



And yes, I know I'm going to hell for this one, but hey, it had to be done!!

What do you call a woman who can suck a golfball through 35' of garden hose?


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What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall?: "Dam!"


What do you call Santa's helpers?: Subordinate Clauses.


What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?: Anyone can roast beef.


How do crazy people get through the forest to find the geocache?: They take the psychopath.

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A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory.


The Personnel Manager explains her duties and tells her to report to work promptly at 8.00am.


The next day at 8.45am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the Personnel Manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem. Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place.


At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.


The Personnel Manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman and says "I am sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. I said, your job is to give Elmo two test tickles!"


- - - - -

Wisconsin Geocaching Association

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a mailbox?




What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?




What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a meat grinder?




What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a car?




And my personal ROFL favorite....What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?


Russell icon_biggrin.gif





We go until we get there.....

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At an AMA convention several doctors were at the bar having drinks. The first one said "Electricians must be the easiest patients to operate on. All the parts are color coded." "Naw", said another, "Librarians. All the parts are numbered in order." "I disagree" offered a third, "Engineers don't care if you have parts left over as long as everything works."


"You all are wrong." said the fourth. "I used to work in Washington at Bethesda. Congressmen are the easiest."


Why?, asked the rest.


Congressmen have no brains, no heart, no guts, no backbone, and their head and rectum are interchangeable."

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Stosh, Yosh and Duda went fishing in a boat and Duda fell out and drowned. Stosh says to Yosh "I guess someone should go tell his wife." Yosh says to Stosh "Not me, last time I told someone's wife that their husband died, she became very upset with me."


Stosh says "That's because you have no class. You don't just come out and tell them in the first sentence, you have to break it to them gently, distract them first, perhaps with a song."


Yosh replies "Ok, I understand now, leave it up to me." Yosh goes and rings Duda's doorbell and Duda's wife answers the door. She asks "Where's Duda?" Yosh says "I'll tell you, but first I'd like to sing a song to you."



Someone drowned in the river today, Duda, Duda

Someone drowned in the river today, Oh Duda day

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It was such a beautiful Sunday morning the minister did not want to conduct services and wanted to golf instead. So he called up his assistant and told him he was sick, and he needed to pinch hit services this morning. The minister then gathered his golf clubs and went to the course. The first drive from tee went no more than 50 yards and fell with a thud on the fairway. Suddenly a bird swooped down, picked up the ball, flew over the green and dropped the ball for a hole in one. Astonished, the minister looked skyward wondering why God would do that under the circumstances. His second shot was same. It went only 50 yards when a sudden gust of wind picked up the ball and deposited it for another hole in one. On the third hole a squirrel carried the ball.


Feeling tremendously guilty now the minister dropped to his knees and prayed aloud "Lord, I lied to my assistant to avoid doing my service to You. You should punish me, yet You reward me with these miraculous holes in one. Why?"


The Lord replied "Reward you? Who are you going to tell?"

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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden,

the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,

"Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, l will grant you

one wish."


The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."


The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous

challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the

bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it,

but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.


"Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would

honor and glorify me."


The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish

that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what

they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry,

what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly



The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”






Our feet go where the caches are! feet.gif

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A guy calls home from work one Friday and tells his wife that he just got a chance to go on a fishing trip all weekend. He asks her to get his fishing pole and tackle box and to pack a bag of clothes for him. "And put in my blue silk pajamas, too" he tells her.

After work he zips in, grabs everything and dashes out.

Sunday night he wearily comes home and she asks him how the fishing trip was.

"Great! Everything was perfect", he says. "But you forgot to pack my pajamas."

"No, I didn't" she replies, "They were in your tackle box."


Don't blame me, I voted for Jeremy.

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