Rabbits for prizes instead of hamsters

1.6k · July 31, 2003

what?

I do not get the point?

1.1k · July 31, 2003

I had to give it some thought but I did come up with a way to get rabbits into a ammo can.

First, grab a cottonball and squirt a little starting fluid on it and shove that under the rabbits nose. You might have to hang onto it a little while as they tend to squirm a touch.

After they have calmed down, take a sharp knife and make a slit length ways in the lower half of their ears. If the rabbit is not knocked out, this is the time you will find out. Apply more starting fluid as needed, if needed.

This will allow you enough space to be able to pull their back legs up and poke their feet through the holes. Pull until the knee joint comes through the slit and this will lock the back legs forward and keep the ears down.

Slide the rabbit into the ammo box with more starting fluid on the cottonball and this should hold the rabbit for a day or so. Depending on how tight the can is.

You might have to leave the cache goodies in a bag next to the ammo can until the rabbit is removed.

logscaler.

"It is not fair to have a battle of wits with unarmed people."

July 31, 2003

quote:
Originally posted by logscaler:
I had to give it some thought but I did come up with a way to get rabbits into a ammo can.

First, grab a cottonball and squirt a little starting fluid on it and shove that under the rabbits nose. You might have to hang onto it a little while as they tend to squirm a touch.

After they have calmed down, take a sharp knife and make a slit length ways in the lower half of their ears. If the rabbit is not knocked out, this is the time you will find out. Apply more starting fluid as needed, if needed.

This will allow you enough space to be able to pull their back legs up and poke their feet through the holes. Pull until the knee joint comes through the slit and this will lock the back legs forward and keep the ears down.

Slide the rabbit into the ammo box with more starting fluid on the cottonball and this should hold the rabbit for a day or so. Depending on how tight the can is.

You might have to leave the cache goodies in a bag next to the ammo can until the rabbit is removed.

logscaler.

"It is not fair to have a battle of wits with unarmed people."

Wouldn't a food processor be a lot easier?

1.1k · July 31, 2003

Not if you want the little critter to be droping pellets when the box is opened.

But then again, If you where looking to make a Rabbit shake.......

logscaler.

"It is not fair to have a battle of wits with unarmed people."

8.4k · August 1, 2003

quote:
Originally posted by joefrog:
Well, I'd usually say FROG is the obvious answer, but you know what?

I like monkeys.

I guess I'll have to put them in a cache.

Joel (joefrog)

ROFLMAO!!!! Dude THAT was funny!

Sngans

Think parallel branes and five dimensions. Science never sounded so cool....

August 1, 2003

quote:
I had to give it some thought but I did come up with a way to get rabbits into a ammo can.

First, grab a cottonball and squirt a little starting fluid on it and shove that under the rabbits nose. You might have to hang onto it a little while as they tend to squirm a touch.

After they have calmed down, take a sharp knife and make a slit length ways in the lower half of their ears. If the rabbit is not knocked out, this is the time you will find out. Apply more starting fluid as needed, if needed.

This will allow you enough space to be able to pull their back legs up and poke their feet through the holes. Pull until the knee joint comes through the slit and this will lock the back legs forward and keep the ears down.

Slide the rabbit into the ammo box with more starting fluid on the cottonball and this should hold the rabbit for a day or so. Depending on how tight the can is.

You might have to leave the cache goodies in a bag next to the ammo can until the rabbit is removed.

I can't believe how wrong this is.

DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING NEXT TO THE CACHE CONTAINER!

It'll give the location away.

Sheesh!

Ode to a Pigeon: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, You Lookin' at Me? YOU LOOKIN' AT ME?! (b. katt, 7/14/03)

1.1k · August 3, 2003

enfanta:

Your Right. I am sorry about that suggestion.

How about leaving it UNDER the cache?

No holes dug, just extra goodies overtop to help hide everything.

logscaler.

"It is not fair to have a battle of wits with unarmed people."

August 3, 2003

quote:
Originally posted by brdad:
Dang, and just when I went out and ordered 10 gross of thse red slugs. perfect pets, easy to feed and can be sqeezed into any shape in any container, even those pill bottle micros with a little work. And they just love the damp musty environment of those gladware caches everyone seems to love. I think they should be on the list.

...and here I thought those were Gummy Worms I've been eating all this time.

--------------------------------------------------

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

August 4, 2003

WOW--I am speechless after reading this thread. Joe frog, I say you bottle some of that stuff you've been drinking--you could make a fortune--I about peed myself laughing about the monkeys.

I'm Just delighted that ventura_kids didn't include gerbils on the list of cached animals--you never know where those dudes have been.

August 4, 2003

If I had to vote I would have to say frogs--they would go great in my "BLENDER" cache.

4.1k · September 13, 2003

OOOHHH...someone gave our hamster a breath of air before someone else rescued him from Creepy Cache Great people we cachers! We see he is now on his way to Hawaii, We wonder if he will survive in the cargo bay at 40,000 ft.??? Gee...we always wanted to go to Hawaii...

If you ever get to Las Vegas, NV. & you have a really have a weird sense of humor, you should definitly check out Creepy Cache....it is DIFFERENT! & there may be other critters to rescue....

2oldfarts

*******************************************************

Everybody is entitled to my opinion - the ornery oldfart

September 13, 2003

quote:
Originally posted by Dinoprophet:
"Badgers? Badgers?! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS!"

What were the odds of encountering this little gem twice in as many days?

Put that fweakin' sandwich down!

September 13, 2003

The obvious answer is Rabbits. With them it takes fewer FTF's at caches before you have enough for a nice coat. Of corse, the hampsters have a wider variety of colors. I'm hoping to be FTF at one of those really large caches with a bear prize.

_______________________________

"You've just killed a small animal. It's time for a light beer."

http://www.geocities.com/cacheinon

September 13, 2003

Make it rabbits. This is the only thing you can do with frogs 'n hampsters...

Wut to do with a frog

Wut to do with a hampster

1.5k · June 16, 2006

Hey... I remember this thread!

It's the famous "Hamster in a Geocache" thread.

I can't believe it's been over 2 years.

8.4k · June 16, 2006

Hey... I remember this thread!

It's the famous "Hamster in a Geocache" thread.

I can't believe it's been over 2 years.

O M freakin' G!

I LOOOOOOVE THIS THREAD!!!

June 16, 2006

I have been trying to get this approved for a while and think I have worked out the final details. He has to be on a leash no longer than 6' and said leash has to be attached to an immovable object so that it is not considered a traveling cache. As an added bonus, the container is large enough to hold other small mammals for trades if the FTF doesn't want the dog!

9.1k · June 16, 2006

Hey... I remember this thread!

It's the famous "Hamster in a Geocache" thread.

I can't believe it's been over 2 years.

O M freakin' G!

I LOOOOOOVE THIS THREAD!!!

Yep, one of the quintessential threads from the birth of hamstercaching.

I am pleased to see that my position on this issue has not wavered one bit over the years. Consistency and integrity are important to me. As an update I would only add that I've diversified into little white mice, due to the proliferation of smaller caches. It's getting more and more difficult to find caches large enough to accommodate a hamster.

8.4k · June 16, 2006

I have been trying to get this approved for a while and think I have worked out the final details. He has to be on a leash no longer than 6' and said leash has to be attached to an immovable object so that it is not considered a traveling cache. As an added bonus, the container is large enough to hold other small mammals for trades if the FTF doesn't want the dog!

That would be the DOGS instead of rabbits or hamsters thread.

Edited June 17, 2006 by Snoogans

June 16, 2006

I find this thread totally unsettling!

9.1k · June 16, 2006

I find this thread totally unsettling!

Are you claustrophobic?

If you could choose any cache in the world in which to be left as a trade item, where would you want to be?

June 16, 2006

I find this thread totally unsettling!

Are you claustrophobic?

If you could choose any cache in the world in which to be left as a trade item, where would you want to be?

I'm not sure, but I think Angelina Jolie has the coordinates!

9.1k · June 16, 2006

I find this thread totally unsettling!

Are you claustrophobic?

If you could choose any cache in the world in which to be left as a trade item, where would you want to be?

I'm not sure, but I think Angelina Jolie has the coordinates!

I can't argue with that answer. I do hope that she logs a find on that cache, and picks you up. ("Took: cute cuddly bunny. Left: used Pitts.")

3.9k · June 16, 2006

I answered "hamster", of course, due to its popularity here in Western PA. Hamsters have the advantage of being able to fit in all but the smallest of caches... even a decon container will work, provided that someone gets there quickly. As we gain more experience with hamstercaching, we've found that three days is a safe ...margin of error (especially now that the weather is warm)...

Finally, there is the issue of the ears. Ever try shutting a cache container with a live animal stuffed inside? With a hamster you can pretty much just smoosh the lid down on it. But with a rabbit, you need to make sure that the long ears are tucked completely inside of the container before shutting it. If you're not careful, there would not be a tight seal and the cache contents could become waterlogged. And that would just be wrong...

I agree on the messy ear issue. And, I am addicted to torturing hamsters which I find in hamster caches, and I don't think I could ever switch to bunny wabbits. Sorry, but I will stick with hamsters!

9.1k · June 16, 2006

I answered "hamster", of course, due to its popularity here in Western PA. Hamsters have the advantage of being able to fit in all but the smallest of caches... even a decon container will work, provided that someone gets there quickly. As we gain more experience with hamstercaching, we've found that three days is a safe ...margin of error (especially now that the weather is warm)...

Finally, there is the issue of the ears. Ever try shutting a cache container with a live animal stuffed inside? With a hamster you can pretty much just smoosh the lid down on it. But with a rabbit, you need to make sure that the long ears are tucked completely inside of the container before shutting it. If you're not careful, there would not be a tight seal and the cache contents could become waterlogged. And that would just be wrong...

I agree on the messy ear issue. And, I am addicted to torturing hamsters which I find in hamster caches, and I don't think I could ever switch to bunny wabbits. Sorry, but I will stick with hamsters!

And yet you persist in wondering why I have not logged any of your Psycho Urban Caches.

Note to self: When in Maryland, "TNLN" is my mantra.

June 16, 2006

It's true no animals were harmed in the creation of this thread. However, a lot of electrons were seriously inconvenienced.

Not to mention a large number of brain cells and paper towels. *Paper towels used to wipe the coffee and cola spittle off the screens.*

But if it was me, I would have to vote for a hedgehog. They are cute, they sleep at night, and they look so frightening when you open the cache and see all those prickly spines staring up at you.

Did I mention they're cute?

3.9k · June 16, 2006

I agree on the messy ear issue. And, I am addicted to torturing hamsters which I find in hamster caches, and I don't think I could ever switch to bunny wabbits. Sorry, but I will stick with hamsters!

And yet you persist in wondering why I have not logged any of your Psycho Urban Caches.

Note to self: When in Maryland, "TNLN" is my mantra.

You could always leave in our caches, instead of hamsters, cute little furry members of Genus Mustela (of Family Mustelidae, Subfamily Mustelinae)!

June 16, 2006

Oh, chinchillas would be just great, I think. And if there would happen to be any unfortunate incidents involving the time to find the cache, well...just send me the skins. I'll, um, find something to do with them.

(Should I change my caching name to Cruella DuChilla?)

9.3k · June 17, 2006

Definetely a rabbit. They taste much better than a hamster. :rolleyes:

June 17, 2006

what about a cockatiel? nobody's mentioned fowl or poultry yet...

my wife has a cockatiel. it hates my guts. maybe i should loan it to that dude with the monkeys....

i bet he knows a good cache to put birds in.

June 17, 2006

I can't understand how the obvious answer to Rabbit Caching is being missed. Instead of cruelly stuffing a rabbit in a small cannister, simply stake him either at the cache or as an offset bonus cache with coordinates. He'll be free to roam and eat.

Now, you might want to consider some really good steel traps around the stake out to protect him from wolves and other predators . . . Wait, I hadn't considered owls and hawks . . . you might have to put some protective netting over him for airborne predators . . . oooh, ooh, hunters! You might have to put out some punji pits for humans.

Never mind! How about a nice crockpot of rabbit stew? :rolleyes:

JohnTee

2.7k · June 17, 2006

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Dinoprophet: <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote">quote:<HR>Originally posted by mckee: No badgers? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Badgers? Badgers?! WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS!" -UHF <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And here I have 2! Excellent! Any others? Anybody?

You so STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPID!

(better? :rolleyes: )

June 17, 2006

Definetely a rabbit. They taste much better than a hamster.

I've always said that rabbits have better taste than most other animals!

No, wait. That's not what you meant... :anibad:

6.5k · June 17, 2006

Hey... I remember this thread!

It's the famous "Hamster in a Geocache" thread.

I can't believe it's been over 2 years.

O M freakin' G!

I LOOOOOOVE THIS THREAD!!!

One of the sad things about reviving ancient threads is seeing the names of forum regulars who have faded away. One of the best things is being reminded of BIG Laughs you had in the past. This one, especially joefrog's monkey post made me laugh so hard that I created the Monkey of the Year TB with the mission of finding him to exact revenge for monkeys everywhere. :anibad:

It got close a while back, when he was still in NYC, and it was in CT. But he's moved back to AL and it seems to have stalled in CT.

June 17, 2006

I just hope nobody starts using wiener dogs for trade items. It's hard to keep the beak from poking out when you close the ammo can...

June 17, 2006

Obiously you boys don't know squat about hiding rabbits in caches. First and foremost its the breed that is the critical factor :anibad: . Miniature Lop Eared rabbits were specifically bread in Holland for caching purposes.

1. They are smaller than standard rabbits, approximately the size of an ammo can when full grown. Thus the babies (8-10 wks) can fit into a partially filled ammo can without a problem. Therefore air and pellet space are similar to your larger hampster.

2. As the name suggest the ears are already layed over for easy enclosing in ammo cans. ( similar to a beagle) I'd insert a photo if I could figure out how.

3. They are more docile than standard rabbits, thus easier to transport to the cache and not as likely to bolt as soon as the container is opened.

Now you have to be careful not get hornswaggled into accepting any Standard Lops ( some folks will try to sell you anything when they think you don't know nuthin ) as they are about the size of a medium dog when full grown (~25 pounds). Now the're good eatin, but aint no good for cachin unless you have a larger type cache. Don't get me wrong, the mini's are just as good eatin, just not as fillin.

June 17, 2006

I'd have to categorize those mini-lops the same as I do quail. They may taste great and I do have good recipes for them, but the effort involved for so little meat makes them not worthwhile. Then again, I guess you could do a peel and eat thing like you do with shrimp....

2.6k · June 17, 2006

I'd have to categorize those mini-lops the same as I do quail. They may taste great and I do have good recipes for them, but the effort involved for so little meat makes them not worthwhile. Then again, I guess you could do a peel and eat thing like you do with shrimp....

Quail. It's all about the hunt

June 17, 2006

I'd have to categorize those mini-lops the same as I do quail. They may taste great and I do have good recipes for them, but the effort involved for so little meat makes them not worthwhile. Then again, I guess you could do a peel and eat thing like you do with shrimp....

Quail. It's all about the hunt

Not much hunt throwing a net over them in the backyard

Then again, that might be the only way I'd get any :anibad:

June 17, 2006

No one has sugested a moose yet, why not. And I do not want a baby moose, full sizer adult. Or if it is released at christmass time how about a hippo?

Edited June 17, 2006 by humanloofa

June 17, 2006

I have it! :anibad:

Baby gators! They're cute and when they get to big, you can flush them down the drain. Just be careful how you open the ammo box.

And if you feed them rabbits they grow pretty quick. And you know the neighbors dog won't be barking at two in the morning with a gator in the back yard.

Edited June 17, 2006 by Drgnsrealm

8.4k · June 17, 2006

I LOOOOOOVE THIS THREAD!!!

One of the sad things about reviving ancient threads is seeing the names of forum regulars who have faded away.

Yea, but click on their profiles and they've logged in recently.

Makes ya wonder if they just wised up and stopped coming here and we missed the boat. :anibad:

8.4k · June 17, 2006

Well, I'd usually say FROG is the obvious answer, but you know what?

I like monkeys.

The pet store was selling them for 5¢ each. I thought that was odd since they were normally a couple thousand dollars each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

I bought 200.

I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home.

I have a big car.

I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund.

He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals.

I laughed.

Then they punched my genitals.

I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my apartment.

They didn't adapt very well to their new environment.

They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall.

Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died.

No apparent reason.

They all just sort of dropped dead.

Kind odd like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.

dadgum cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my apartment. On the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase.

It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet.

It didn't work. It got stuck.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals.

That worked for a while.

That is until they began to decompose.

Then it started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber.

I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.

Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.

I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them.

Little did I know my bed was flammable.

I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed.

The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys or use the bathroom.

I severely beat one of my monkeys.

I felt better.

I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed to dispose of charred primates.

I told him that I had a wet one.

He couldn't take that one either.

I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution.

I gave them out as Christmas gifts.

My friends didn't know quite what to say.

They pretended that they like them but I could tell they were lying.

Ingrates.

So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

I guess I'll have to put them in a cache.

Joel (joefrog)

This was my little tribute to JokeFrog's monkey post awhile back. (Can ya tell I read William S. Burrough's Naked Lunch and watched the movie before writing it?)

This thread is just begging for some Snooganspamination!

The Thorazine haze lifts, only briefly, and I see I'm being wheeled somewhere.

The monkeys were after me again for my supply of bug powder. They said they needed to inject it into their genitals for inspiration on a new version of Hamlet they were working on.

I told the monkeys that I was all out of bug powder, but they didn't believe me. They defecated into their hands and threw it at me. Then they began punching themselves in their genitals until they passed out.

The monkeys weren't the worst. It was the lemurs that really got to me......They.....

The haze lifts again and I feel motion. I'm in a vehicle of some sort. A helicopter, I think.....

Prosimian eyes just freak me out! The lemurs were always questioning.... questioning..... questioning.

They wanted the recipe for the Colonel's fried chicken and they wouldn't take no for an answer. The black one with the blue eyes kept picking at its rear, smelling its fingers and hooting for no apparent reason. The red-eyed one looked mean and I was a bit frightened by it.

Then the questioning resumed. NOW, they wanted an answer to the unified field theory in five minutes, or they were going to rip my lips off and eat them with honey mustard. I tried to explain that the best scientists in the world couldn't find a solution to gravity and electromagnetism at the quantum level. The blue eyed one stopped smelling its fingers and punched me in the genitals......

Turbulence, hushed voices, yellow lights.... I stir to reality again and see that I'm still in the helicopter. Flying. There's a large mandrill baboon strapped onto the gurney to my right......... It looks pis$ed off.

There's a tube running between us. My GOD! Are its fluids running into me or mine into it?!!!!! Blessed Thorazine interrupts this revelation.....

"Don't bogart that ant farm," said the Aye-Aye as it snatched the child's toy from me and used a modified digit to pluck out a plump worker ant.

I only had a moment to realize that I was back in my prosimian nightmare when I notice the taste of blood and the open jar of honey mustard.

My lower lip was a shredded mass of chewed flesh. Surprisingly it didn't hurt. After all, I WAS dreaming......

My red-eyed tormentor returned. This time he wanted to know the last number of Pi. I tried to say 4, but he was too smart for me. He knew that there was more.... I smart talked him and said somewhere between zero and nine. He bit my upper lip off in a flash and turned to get the jar of mustard......

Voices from outside my haze....

"We're losing him!"

"CLEAR!"

.................

The people in white coats are hovering over the mandrill I see.... and then I smile... remembering getting laid to that song by Peter Gabriel...... the beat of the song went over and over in my head..... dunta, dunt-dunt, dunta.... I shook my head trying to clear it.....dunta, dunt-dunt, dunta.....dunta, dunt-dunt, dunta.... I half-sang, half-whispered: "don't you monkey with the monkey" and smiled some more..... remembering.... what she did next.......

Voices again......

"He's coming around! Turn up the drip..."

"But Doctor, he's had too much already!"

Blackness..............................

I stir to the sound of..... of what? Gunfire? It's close, but my eyes are covered. I'm so doped up that all the voices just sound like buzzing.......

Fulvus. That's what the old lemur called himself. He was the one who replaced the other tormentors. Fulvus demanded that I explain String Theory to him in laymen's terms and every time I used a word that had more than 3 syllables, he'd urinate on me and hoot loudly into my ears as punishment.

The red-eyed lemur and the black one with the blue eyes returned and old Fulvus bid a hasty retreat.

Both of them urinated on me, presumably to cover Fulvus' scent, but I got the distinct impression that they didn't like me, so the act might have been twofold.

The black one was picking it's rear again and hooting and the red-eyed one looked really P-o'd. He began pacing about the room while the other one alternately smelled then licked its fingers and hooted.

The red-eyed one snatched the ant farm from the Aye-Aye who protested, "Bogart! Bogart!" He smashed it and walked back over to me. The Aye-Aye went to work cleaning up the ants while muttering curses toward my red-eyed tormentor.

Then the questioning resumed........

They wanted to know if I could get them both a date with Mariah Carey. Strangely, they began smearing honey mustard on my ears.

My tongue felt dry. Probably because I was minus a pair if lips in my prosimian nightmare world. I knew if I told them that I didn't even know her and had really lost respect for her after the release of Glitter that they were gonna munch my ears off.

Just then, an infinite number of howler monkeys, all carrying typewriters, burst into the room. Their wooting was deafening.

The head monkey, who called himself Henry the 8th, wanted me to read the script they had been working on.....

I feel the bandages ripped from my eyes and I awaken to blinding white light. At this point, I was certain that I was dead. I was just looking for that fabled tunnel when shapes began to solidify in my field of view......

Movement...... feelssss..... different? Not flying.... and back to.....

I seem to be aware of this (feeling of motion) while standing among an infinite number of dead howler monkeys. What is it with monkeys all dropping dead so suddenly? I remember some.... something that's sticking in my mind about dead monkeys.

The Aye-Aye is checking each dead monkey and then kicking them, exclaiming, "BOGART!"

I'm starting to wonder if the Aye-Aye is a bit off in the head.

My prosimian tormentors return.

What is it with Lemurs and their incessant questioning? I'm vaguely aware that I have no ears.

The black lemur with the startling blue eyes seems anxious. He explains to me that it's very important that he mate with Paris Hilton to advance his species' evolution. I told him that shouldn't be a problem and to get in line. He thanked me and left.

The red-eyed lemur produced a DVD copy of "Glitter" and ordered me to say two nice things about it. I said, "Well, it cost $4.99 and it's not actually IN a DVD player at the moment." My tormentor began to cry.......

The pothole rocked the ambulance with such force that my stretcher overturned. I feel pain; it seems farrrrr off in my Thorazine haze.......

Huh? Through my haze I hear music. It sounds like white guys trying to rap, but singing like the Beach Boys.....

..... Then I let the Alpine play.

It was pumpin' new $#!^ by N.W.A.

It was Gangsta-Gangsta at the top of the list.

Then I played my own $#!^ it went sumthin like this:

Cruisin' down the street in my six-fo

Jockin the b!tches

Slappin the HOs

............

The four black and white lemurs started to complain.

They said that Rap died with Tupoc and that .......

I tuned them out. What was I missing?........

It came to me in a flash. I grabbed the nearest lemur and asked it what it heard....

(I was vaguely aware that my lips and ears had returned and the infinite number of infinitely dead howler monkeys had disappeared along with my previous tormentors.)

It said "Chill puffy, that Aye-Aye has bad taste in music." Then it asked if I could teach it Sign Language.

I whirled around to see the Aye-Aye. It was smoking a foul smelling cigar. It regarded me almost disdainfully and said, "Bogart!"

The second lemur interrupted this exchange by asking how many licks it really took to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop.

The third wanted to know if I would co-sign for financing on the Ferrari 550 Maranello it just bought. I started to ask how it learned to drive when fourth interrupted.

The fourth lemur was holding a strange looking bag with a hose on it. It wanted me to give it a colonic. I was so repulsed by this that my dream world started to shimmer and melt away.

I awoke in a........ A what? It looked like a disused lavatory.

I was chained to a pipe by one leg. There was another person on the far side of the room. He appeared to be chained as well.

In the middle of the floor was a corpse lying face down in a pool of blood. It appeared to have a self inflicted gunshot wound in the head. The gun lay nearby. I tried, but I couldn't reach it................

Now the 4 Lemurs are in the disused lavatory with me and the unidentified man across the room.

Still dreaming I realize.......

The lemurs link hands and dance around the corpse in the middle of the room. Their stomping splashes blood from the crimson pool emanating from the corpses head, in an ever widening arc.

They're singing a song.....

I wish I was in Tijuana

Eating barbecued iguana......

This is all too much for me.....

Blackness envelops again........

Oh geeze here come the lemurs again. That beeyotch musta slipped me a mickey....

The black and white lemur leapt up to me and said, "G'Day with an Aussie accent."

I closed my eyes and tried to ignore him, but I kept wondering why in hell a prosimian from Madagascar would be sporting an Aussie accent.

He punched me in the genitals to get my attention. He claimed to be a lawyer hired by the monkeys to arbitrate a deal for my supply of bug powder.

I covered my crotch with both hands, closed my eyes and tried to tune him out. He used his freaky little hands to peel back my eyelids and kept right on talking.

I couldn't take any more. I reached into my pocket and produced a rather large baggie of yellowish powder. The lemur tasted, smiled, and produced a test kit from the briefcase it was holding. It set up its equipment at a nearby table and the whole operation was eagerly watched over by several other lemurs of different species. One seemed to be setting up a Bunsen burner. After awhile they all began hooting and yelling, "99% PURE!"

They passed out syringes and began injecting the liquefied bug powder into their genitals.

I asked the lawyerly lemur why, because I was under the impression that only the monkeys used the powder for inspiration on their many adaptations of Shakespeare's works. The lawyerly lemur explained that they could "step on" the product a bit because it was so pure and besides they themselves had an episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent to write and they needed to be altered to write lines for Vincent D' Onofrio anyway.....

Edited June 17, 2006 by Snoogans

June 17, 2006

I tried using hamsters as swag. I expected people to trade even or up, but that didn't happen, of course. Instead of rabbit stew, I'm trying to figure out how to cook one of those darn slugs.

June 18, 2006

what about a cockatiel? nobody's mentioned fowl or poultry yet...

my wife has a cockatiel. it hates my guts. maybe i should loan it to that dude with the monkeys....

i bet he knows a good cache to put birds in.

Even though the thread is a joke, it's just plain sick.

It only takes one slightly unbalanced mind to decide to give this a try. The result? A dead innocent creature.

:blink:

8.4k · June 18, 2006

what about a cockatiel? nobody's mentioned fowl or poultry yet...

my wife has a cockatiel. it hates my guts. maybe i should loan it to that dude with the monkeys....

i bet he knows a good cache to put birds in.

Even though the thread is a joke, it's just plain sick.

It only takes one slightly unbalanced mind to decide to give this a try. The result? A dead innocent creature.

If someone was unbalanced enough to actually put a LIVE animal in a cache, they were gonna do it anyway and this thread wouldn't have been a new idea to them. Do you believe that guns kill people too?

9.3k · June 18, 2006

A dead innocent creature.

There's no such thing as an innocent creature. They're all evil and trying to take over the world. Now where'd I put my mustard? :blink:

June 18, 2006

Even though the thread is a joke, it's just plain sick.

It only takes one slightly unbalanced mind to decide to give this a try. The result? A dead innocent creature.

That reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

~Frank Zappa

June 18, 2006

And after 3 years, poor Dexter is on his fourth life and still trying to get to LaPaglia.

Windrose

1.2k · June 18, 2006

lol like this thread I vote Rabbits since they multiply fast Hamsters are only good for when you tie them to a really fast Remote Control car watching them on those are a hoot!

Rabbits for prizes instead of hamsters

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