Worst case of letting geocaching ruin your life?

[+geocat_]

A caching friend of mine met a cacher while out of state last weekend. She talked to this cacher who seemed proud to tell her all about how she had lost her husband and 8 year old son due to geocaching. She was now "happy to have time to cache" since before "they got in the way of caching"

 

I am still blown away by how unfathomable this is. I could rant on and on about this bur will just leave it to stand on its own.

 

Anyone who lets a hobby take a husband and son from their lives needs serious psychiatric intervention in my opinion.

[+St.Matthew]

Priorities: they exist for a reason. If you bring a life into this world, you owe it to them to raise them.

[+Lil Devil]

I can totally understand where that woman is coming from. If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too. It's not just about the geocaching, it's about the adventure. I like to go places and see new stuff. If she didn't do that with me, I'd find someone that would.

[+SirDonB]

I also like to go places and explore, however I would have to disagree with Lil Devil, if it was not for geocaching, I would leave my girlfriend for the opposite reason... it is my escape from home. I love her to death, but when she gets on my nerves enough, I leave the house for a lil, go geocaching, then when I come home, things are better. I am still trying to get her to at least give caching a try and go look for a couple with me some time.

 

I agree with the priorities statement, my kids go caching with me as well, the girlfriend not so much, she gives me funny looks. The kids enjoy it though and its one way I get to spend some quality time with them without yelling at them like a mad man.

 

As to the OP, I do agree that someone needs some serious help if they let a hobby ruin their relationship with both their significant other and child(ren). All I can do is shake my blown mind over the idea... but we dont know the whole story of that person. We dont know what the husband was like. Depending on the situation, I might leave too, but I could not imagine like without my kids even if they drive me up the wall several times a day.

[+geocat_]

If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too.

 

Seriously??? And what about an 8 year old child??????

[+Walts Hunting]

I can totally understand where that woman is coming from. If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too. It's not just about the geocaching, it's about the adventure. I like to go places and see new stuff. If she didn't do that with me, I'd find someone that would.

 

There is one thing to keep in mind. It is much cheaper to get a wife than get rid of one. Although California has no fault.

[+T.D.M.22]

If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too.

 

Seriously??? And what about an 8 year old child??????

 

Does the 8 Y/O enjoy caching?

 

For on thing-some people say things that could be true but they are being sarcastic, or have a weird sense of humor-I'm one of those people.

 

And to put my 2 pennies in- I agree as well. It's not the fact that-for me it would be a girlfriend-isn't into geocaching, it's that she's not into what I am. I'm not saying she would have to enjoy it, but at least give it a chance. Tolerate my love of the game.

 

I have been in a relationship where she has not been interested-or even tolerant of anything I'd like to do for hobbies and such, and it's not fun. The whole "I'll do what I want regardless of if you like it or not, and you can't do anything I wouldn't do."

 

Everyone needs their own time to do their own thing-be it geocaching, playing sports, building models-and if your partner enjoys doing those things with you, then you have a good thing going on. If your partner doesn't want you to do these things(assuming they don't have negative effects like spending all your money) then that's a sign there's something deeper going on. Maybe that thing is just your partner is jealous you aren't with her, or maybe it's something bigger, that can't be resolved. Isn't it better to end it sooner rather than later?

 

And as for the 8 Y/O-well there's another debate is it better to stay together for the kids, or not, and this is not the place for it; It would get too heated, I think.

Edited November 19, 2013 by T.D.M.22

[+WarNinjas]

Yea forget the husband but if your kid is not into what you like to do then you have to find something else fun to do with them. You can't just leave them because they are not into what you like to do. My daughter is not really into my sport of fishing so I changed it to geocaching because she loves it and I also find it fun.

[+The_Incredibles_]

A caching friend of mine met a cacher while out of state last weekend. She talked to this cacher who seemed proud to tell her all about how she had lost her husband and 8 year old son due to geocaching. She was now "happy to have time to cache" since before "they got in the way of caching"

 

I am still blown away by how unfathomable this is. I could rant on and on about this bur will just leave it to stand on its own.

 

Anyone who lets a hobby take a husband and son from their lives needs serious psychiatric intervention in my opinion.

 

To be honest, I know exactly how she feels. I think many of us do. Family can really get in the way of you doing the things you want to do.

 

However, obviously the woman needs help. Leaving the husband is one thing, but abandoning her child, that's serious stuff.

[Mr.Yuck]

If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too.

 

Seriously??? And what about an 8 year old child??????

 

No, I'm quite certain that Lil Devil is not serious.

 

I have been caching for over 10 years, with a non-Geocaching spouse, who has been along for maybe 50 of my 2,600 finds, if that. She hasn't divorced me yet. And I haven't even engaged in an adulterous relationship with a cacher of the opposite sex. Not that I haven't seen that one, I don't know, about 10 times.

[+Walts Hunting]

My wife doesn't cache and when I tell her I am going out for a full day of hiking or biking to cache she packs the lunch and waves goodbye.

[+briansnat]

There was one well known high numbers cacher who was number one in the world for a long time. I sometimes wondered how her obsession was affecting her family. It turned out that it apparently was because she quit cold turkey. I saw a online interview with her where she stated that she quit geocaching specifically because of the game's affect on her family.

 

I have no idea if she ever got back into geocaching, however if she did it is nowhere near the level she was at for so long.

 

I've also known of couples that broke up over geocaching, but that was invariably because they met another cacher that they decided they preferred over their spouse.

[+redwoodkestrel]

My boyfriend of 4 years doesn't geocache, but he's wonderfully tolerant: he'll be my chauffeur for a day of exploring back roads and caching (so I can navigate to the caches easier!), he'll come out for some of my hikes - since he enjoys hiking with me, and he'll be (somewhat) patient as I search for the caches, we can choose vacation locations on a combination of things we both enjoy and potential geocaches in the area to find. I'd be disappointed if he wasn't in to any adventuring (and that would probably be a deal breaker), but it's fine with me that he doesn't geocache, just that he's willing to go exploring with me on occasion.

 

And I also enjoy caching alone - which works out well, especially this time of year, since I don't particularly care for football, but my boyfriend really loves it. So we tend to spend our Sundays each enjoying our own interests - but always coming back together for dinner.

 

All good relationships have to have some compromise, and as long as each person is mindful of that and respectful of the other, different interests should be totally do-able! And I couldn't even imagine leaving a kid just because they weren't into the same thing as me - kids are wonderful and fickle and easily distracted and mercurial and find new things that excite them every day while forgetting about the thing that excited them yesterday. Gotta give them time to really find what moves them most.

Edited November 19, 2013 by redwoodkestrel

[+geodarts]

I suppose it could be worse if you also lost your job . . .

 

I know people who have used caching to get through hard times, and have had less time to cache the happier they have become. And I know people for whom it might have become an obsession. The dividing line is sometimes not clear.

 

Like Lil Devil, I like to get out and explore. But even though caching is certainly not the only way to do it, there are still some things that my wife is not interested in doing.

 

She does not enjoying exploring abandoned buildings so she usually won't come with me if it involves a hole in the fence - although that kind of exploration can be a good father-daughter type of adventure.

 

My wife will sometimes hike with me, but I have also heard the Whine of the Non-Geocaching Spouse.

 

And some times we will even find things to explore together - castle ruins were popular with us both on a recent trip. So in the end is a matter of balance, spousal credits, and priorities.

Edited November 19, 2013 by geodarts

[4wheelin_fool]

A caching friend of mine met a cacher while out of state last weekend. She talked to this cacher who seemed proud to tell her all about how she had lost her husband and 8 year old son due to geocaching. She was now "happy to have time to cache" since before "they got in the way of caching"

 

I am still blown away by how unfathomable this is. I could rant on and on about this bur will just leave it to stand on its own.

 

Anyone who lets a hobby take a husband and son from their lives needs serious psychiatric intervention in my opinion.

 

That's second hand information from someone who had just met her. There was most likely much more going on, and she was just releasing steam. Although I'm sure it has happened before, I don't think anyone would brag about it like that. The site does feed OCD addictions, but its better than someone using meth.

[+-CJ-]

Anyone who lets a hobby take a husband and son from their lives needs serious psychiatric intervention in my opinion.

 

It's probably not about the hobby at all - there might be different (deeper) issues behind the fact that their family was ruined. Do you believe everything a stranger tells you about himself in a bar?

 

This thread could be interesting however to share views on how geocaching can "occupy someone's brain" totally so it starts influencing relationships within a family. I can easily imagine a passionate cacher who travels with his family and plans all the activities so more and more caches could be visited and found. Other members of the family may tolerate geocaching but not tolerate fanaticism and selfishness.

 

It's not geocaching-specific. For example, many families enjoy hiking with their kids. I know people who went to mountains with babies, and my own kids spent their fist night in a tent when they were 5 months old. However, I know there are limits that I must see and respect if I don't want my kids to hate me for our hobby. I know at least one family where father and mother were deeply into hiking and used to take their son everywhere. People applaused this family saying "oh, they are so close to each other, look how they share their hobby". When the boy became older he firmly rejected all hiking plans for himself. Nevermore, he said. I think this happened because his parents had been all about themselves when hiking. They voted for walking another 2 hours to ascend the hill (to say "yes, we did it!") while their kid wasn't interested in that sort of records but would probably prefer to sit and play for a while.

[+The_Incredibles_]

 

It's not geocaching-specific. For example, many families enjoy hiking with their kids. I know people who went to mountains with babies, and my own kids spent their fist night in a tent when they were 5 months old. However, I know there are limits that I must see and respect if I don't want my kids to hate me for our hobby. I know at least one family where father and mother were deeply into hiking and used to take their son everywhere. People applaused this family saying "oh, they are so close to each other, look how they share their hobby". When the boy became older he firmly rejected all hiking plans for himself. Nevermore, he said. I think this happened because his parents had been all about themselves when hiking. They voted for walking another 2 hours to ascend the hill (to say "yes, we did it!") while their kid wasn't interested in that sort of records but would probably prefer to sit and play for a while.

 

I agree, pushing kids to do things often backfires (although not always). Part of being a good parent (or spouse, for that matter) is learning to put other people first. Of course, parents have needs too, but you can't expect things to be exactly the same as they were before you had kids. My grandfather was a bit of a Nazi and would force my dad and his sisters to go on week long hiking and skiing holidays when they were young. One particular trip, my father complained alot about how his feet hurt. His father basically told him to suck it up and they continued hiking. When they got home from their trip, his feet were still hurting so they went to get an x-ray and all his toes were broken...Despite this, my father didn't get turned off hiking at all. He took us hiking as kids and he still enjoys skiing, hiking and snowshoeing, even in retirement.

Edited November 19, 2013 by The_Incredibles_

[+-CJ-]

It was a good lesson for me when I took my oldest daughter to mountains for the first time in her life (she was 5). We planned a hike for 8 days but walked pretty fast and almost completed our route on the 5th day. We did only one mountain pass and there were still several places worth visiting in the area. However I decided to end our hike because I monitored the kid and noticed that she got enough emotions and more days would probably make no good. (Though we both were in perfect physical condition and the weather was fine). I still think I was right. We spent the remaining three days to visit our local "North Skansen" in Kizhi (where one has to get by boat since it's on an island) and walk around beautiful Saint-Petersburg. Kids usually need the surroundings to change often. Years passed and we found ourselves in situation when we were deeply in the Siberian taiga, one day walking along the dirty narrow path to civilization. It was raining, and we walked for 7 hours with one stop only, kids got completely exhausted but they were already prepared. As I noticed afterwards, their attitude to mountains and hikes didn't change. Well, this was not the best day probably but no regrets. The only bad thing about this day was that I had to entertain them with funny stories, so it was 7 hours of non-stop talking about everything I could remember

 

As for geocaching, last month I traveled to Budapest with my younger daughter (now 12) and we managed to find good number of caches. I twice ran into situation when she felt too tired and talked like "do we REALLY need to search for another one?" I remembered the previous experience and had to re-plan next days so we had chance to switch to other activities more often. Once I just brought her back to the hotel early so she could enjoy some rest and read her favourite books (while I was running for caches, of course ) I don't think that if I tried to make geocaching fans out of my kids I would ruin the family as it was described in the first post in this threat. However it's likely that they could be disappointed with the game. Luckily, after Budapest trip she said: "The only thing I regret is that the trackables we discovered were not as nice as those you brought from Ireland last month"

Edited November 19, 2013 by -CJ-

[Mr.Yuck]

It's probably not about the hobby at all - there might be different (deeper) issues behind the fact that their family was ruined. Do you believe everything a stranger tells you about himself in a bar?

 

That's second hand information from someone who had just met her. There was most likely much more going on, and she was just releasing steam. Although I'm sure it has happened before, I don't think anyone would brag about it like that. The site does feed OCD addictions, but its better than someone using meth.

 

These are good points, and fair assessments. But as I mentioned previously, I am aware of several marraige break-ups due to cachers running off with other cachers of the opposite sex. And that's just within a few hundred miles of my home coordinates. .

 

On the bright side, 4WF is correct, Geocaching is not Meth, and does not result in a degradation of your physical appearance. In most cases, at least.

[+-CJ-]

But as I mentioned previously, I am aware of several marraige break-ups due to cachers running off with other cachers of the opposite sex.

 

Skiing is a menace for married couples too. Imagine how many ski fans in history met their new partners when enjoying their sport!

 

In "Practice" TV series there was an episode when a woman seeked assistance of a lawyer when she put a lawsuit against some company that sold cigars. She claimed that cigars had ruined her marriage. Her husband was non-smoker but after he was fired he was under stress and started smoking cigars and spending much of his time in clubs for cigar smokers. She won, BTW, with a sum of about 270 thousand dollars for the company to pay her just not to take this case to the courtroom. I know, I know, it's Hollywood Groundspeak should not worry about that

Edited November 19, 2013 by -CJ-

[+Lil Devil]

If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too.

Seriously??? And what about an 8 year old child??????

No, I'm quite certain that Lil Devil is not serious.

Actually, I am serious. My wife and I have even discussed it. I often tell her how much I love that she loves to go geocaching with me.

 

And I don't have an 8 year old child. Or any children at all. So that part is irrelevant to me.

 

Probably unlike many couples, my wife and I actually enjoy being with each other. For 5 years, up until about 5 years ago, we were full-time RVers. We lived together in a 32 foot box, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We ate, slept, watched TV, surfed the web, and went caching together every day. You can't live that close to one another without actually liking to be with one another.

 

Having been through that, I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be married to anyone that didn't spend that much time with me.

[Mr.Yuck]

If my wife wasn't into geocaching, I'd probably leave her, too.

Seriously??? And what about an 8 year old child??????

No, I'm quite certain that Lil Devil is not serious.

Actually, I am serious. My wife and I have even discussed it. I often tell her how much I love that she loves to go geocaching with me.

 

And I don't have an 8 year old child. Or any children at all. So that part is irrelevant to me.

 

Probably unlike many couples, my wife and I actually enjoy being with each other. For 5 years, up until about 5 years ago, we were full-time RVers. We lived together in a 32 foot box, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We ate, slept, watched TV, surfed the web, and went caching together every day. You can't live that close to one another without actually liking to be with one another.

 

Having been through that, I can honestly say that I wouldn't want to be married to anyone that didn't spend that much time with me.

 

My apologies. It just had, reading it the first time, a "he's not serious" feel. Probably the sentence about "I can totally understand where that woman is coming from".

Edited November 19, 2013 by Mr.Yuck

[+SwineFlew]

It's probably not about the hobby at all - there might be different (deeper) issues behind the fact that their family was ruined. Do you believe everything a stranger tells you about himself in a bar?

 

That's second hand information from someone who had just met her. There was most likely much more going on, and she was just releasing steam. Although I'm sure it has happened before, I don't think anyone would brag about it like that. The site does feed OCD addictions, but its better than someone using meth.

 

These are good points, and fair assessments. But as I mentioned previously, I am aware of several marraige break-ups due to cachers running off with other cachers of the opposite sex. And that's just within a few hundred miles of my home coordinates. .

 

On the bright side, 4WF is correct, Geocaching is not Meth, and does not result in a degradation of your physical appearance. In most cases, at least.

Happen here as well. I won't say anything more because they do read the forum sometime.

[+geocat_]

Thanks for the stimulating conversation. Interesting perspectives all around. If I may say, I still think

• If you marry someone, you should be past the "but I might decide to back out if I decide I don't like them or their hobbies" phase (unless they are abusive of course)
• I am skeptical of second-hand stories too, but I trust my friend and feel like what she told me is probably pretty accurate. Just find it odd that someone brags about leaving their husband behind because he wouldn't keep up with her geocaching lifestyle.
• True that there may be other circumstances surrounding this whole, sad situation. One can only hope there is more to it than her simply dropping a kid and husband for the sake of a hobby.

 

[+WarNinjas]

I'm sure there is more to it then just geocaching.

[+6NoisyHikers]

I might have a slight addiction to geocaching but my family enables supports me.

 

[+J Grouchy]

Wow.

So, my kids don't really enjoy it unless toys are involved. My wife doesn't really care all that much about it (she doesn't really try to look for the cache when we are out). She doesn't mind me doing it, though. I fit it in when my free time allows, but a hobby should never be a deal-breaker. I actually prefer caching alone. Sometimes I wish I could take longer excursions and spend a day or two on my own doing it, but not enough to feel any resentment at my family responsibilities and obligations. That would be pretty pathetic, actually. Family comes first...THEN geocaching. Then work.

[+basscat5]

I think some people have addictive personalities or use it to escape something to the point it takes over their lives...Gambling, Religion, sports etc etc all have examples of people taking it to the extreme....

 

When a pasttime is destructive and no longer enhances your life there are some other issues going on...

 

I know people that have taken hobbies to the point of running their family into bankruptcy....