San Diego Banter

[+ThePolarBear]

Hippo Gnu Ear!

 

NU 2008

 

Another riddle for your pleasure

[+SKILLET]

updating your 401K

 

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron , you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

 

With WorldCom , you would have had less than $5.00 left.

 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

 

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

 

drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum

 

recycling REFUND you would have $214.00.

 

So drink more beer and you get a better return on your investment.

 

 

 

 

Edited January 7, 2008 by SKILLET

[+jahoadi and john]

updating your 401K

 

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron , you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

 

With WorldCom , you would have had less than $5.00 left.

 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

 

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

 

drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum

 

recycling REFUND you would have $214.00.

 

So drink more beer and you get a better return on your investment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

See..I told ya Master Chiefs' are smart guys! I'm with ya! r/ john

 

 

 

 

 

 

[+Team Fatman]

updating your 401K

 

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron , you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

 

With WorldCom , you would have had less than $5.00 left.

 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

 

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

 

drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum

 

recycling REFUND you would have $214.00.

 

So drink more beer and you get a better return on your investment.

 

 

 

See..I told ya Master Chiefs' are smart guys! I'm with ya! r/ john

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ask him where he got his info? It will surprise you.

[+SKILLET]

updating your 401K

 

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron , you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

 

With WorldCom , you would have had less than $5.00 left.

 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

 

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

 

drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum

 

recycling REFUND you would have $214.00.

 

So drink more beer and you get a better return on your investment.

 

See..I told ya Master Chiefs' are smart guys! I'm with ya! r/ john

 

Ask him where he got his info? It will surprise you.

 

 

 

Who else would I get the info from but FATTBOY of course

[+SKILLET]

A president of his homeowners association in a Dallas, Texas suburb was having a terrible problem with litter near some of his association's homes. The reason is that six very large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.

 

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty bottles, etc. He went to see the site supervisor and even the general contractor, politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail. He called the city, county, and police and got no help there either.

 

 

So here's what his community did. They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The 'Inner Neighborhood Services' group and arranged to go out at lunch time and 'police' the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious.

 

 

They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials 'INS' embroidered in gold on the caps.

 

 

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might mistakenly think the letters really stand for.

 

 

After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet.

 

 

It has been ten days now. The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens. Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because they have the official name of the group recorded in their homeowner association minutes along with a notation about the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace, the INS said basically, 'Have at it!'

 

 

SO, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT TEXAS INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

 

 

***************** Reminder: Don't forget to pay your taxes.......

 

12 million illegal aliens are depending on you.

 

 

[+TrailGators]

updating your 401K

 

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron , you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

 

With WorldCom , you would have had less than $5.00 left.

 

If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

 

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago,

 

drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum

 

recycling REFUND you would have $214.00.

So drink more beer and you get a better return on your investment.

So that's where all my money is going? Edited January 9, 2008 by TrailGators

[+TrailGators]

A president of his homeowners association in a Dallas, Texas suburb was having a terrible problem with litter near some of his association's homes. The reason is that six very large, luxurious new houses are being built right next to their community.

 

The trash was coming from the Mexican laborers working at the construction sites and included bags from McDonald's, Burger King and 7-11, plus coffee cups, napkins, cigarette butts, coke cans, empty bottles, etc. He went to see the site supervisor and even the general contractor, politely urging them to get their workers not to litter the neighborhood, to no avail. He called the city, county, and police and got no help there either.

 

 

So here's what his community did. They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The 'Inner Neighborhood Services' group and arranged to go out at lunch time and 'police' the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is so hilarious.

 

 

They bought navy blue baseball caps and had the initials 'INS' embroidered in gold on the caps.

 

 

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand what they hoped people might mistakenly think the letters really stand for.

 

 

After the Inner Neighborhood Services group's first lunch time pickup detail, with all of them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of the total of 68 construction workers did not show up for work the next morning -- and haven't come back yet.

 

 

It has been ten days now. The General Contractor, I'm told, is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly because he could be busted for hiring illegal aliens. Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating federal personnel, because they have the official name of the group recorded in their homeowner association minutes along with a notation about the vote to approve formation of the new subcommittee -- and besides, they informed the INS in advance of their plans and according to Wallace, the INS said basically, 'Have at it!'

 

 

SO, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT TEXAS INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!

 

 

***************** Reminder: Don't forget to pay your taxes.......

 

12 million illegal aliens are depending on you.

 

 

 

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

Edited January 9, 2008 by jahoadi and john

[+TrailGators]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

[+SKILLET]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

[+habu!]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

Hey John! Send me the bunny I'll "take care of it".

[+Snake & Rooster]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

Hey John! Send me the bunny I'll "take care of it".

 

 

 

INGREDIENTS:

[*]1 rabbit, about 3 pounds, cut up

[*]1/2 cup all-purpose flour

[*]3 tablespoons butter

[*]1 cup chopped celery

[*]2 medium onions, thinly sliced

[*]1 teaspoon seasoned salt

[*]1 teaspoon salt

[*]dash pepper

[*]1 bay leaf

[*]4 cups water

[*]4 cups dry red wine

[*]2 cups diced carrots

[*]4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

[*]4 ounces sliced mushrooms, sauteed

[*]1/4 cup all-purpose flour

[*]1/3 cup water

 

PREPARATION:

Directions for rabbit stew.

Dredge rabbit pieces with 1/2 cup flour. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium heat; brown rabbit pieces on all sides. Add celery, onion, salt, pepper, bay leaf, 4 cups water, and wine; bring to the boil.

 

Reduce heat to a simmer, cover, and simmer rabbit stew for 2 hours. Add carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms; cook for about 25 to 30 minutes longer, or until vegetables are tender. Combine 1/4 cup flour and 1/3 cup water; stir until well blended and smooth. Stir flour mixture into the broth; cook and stir until thickened.

Rabbit stew recipe serves 4

 

Edited January 9, 2008 by Snake & Rooster

[+TrailGators]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

Hey John! Send me the bunny I'll "take care of it".

 

 

 

INGREDIENTS:

[*]1 rabbit, about 3 pounds, cut up

[*]1/2 cup all-purpose flour

[*]3 tablespoons butter

[*]1 cup chopped celery

[*]2 medium onions, thinly sliced

[*]1 teaspoon seasoned salt

[*]1 teaspoon salt

[*]dash pepper

[*]1 bay leaf

[*]4 cups water

[*]4 cups dry red wine

[*]2 cups diced carrots

[*]4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

[*]4 ounces sliced mushrooms, sauteed

[*]1/4 cup all-purpose flour

[*]1/3 cup water

 

PREPARATION:

Directions for rabbit stew.

Dredge rabbit pieces with 1/2 cup flour. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium heat; brown rabbit pieces on all sides. Add celery, onion, salt, pepper, bay leaf, 4 cups water, and wine; bring to the boil.

 

Reduce heat to a simmer, cover, and simmer rabbit stew for 2 hours. Add carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms; cook for about 25 to 30 minutes longer, or until vegetables are tender. Combine 1/4 cup flour and 1/3 cup water; stir until well blended and smooth. Stir flour mixture into the broth; cook and stir until thickened.

Rabbit stew recipe serves 4

 

Thumper tastes like chicken!

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

Hey John! Send me the bunny I'll "take care of it".

 

 

 

INGREDIENTS:

[*]1 rabbit, about 3 pounds, cut up

[*]1/2 cup all-purpose flour

[*]3 tablespoons butter

[*]1 cup chopped celery

[*]2 medium onions, thinly sliced

[*]1 teaspoon seasoned salt

[*]1 teaspoon salt

[*]dash pepper

[*]1 bay leaf

[*]4 cups water

[*]4 cups dry red wine

[*]2 cups diced carrots

[*]4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

[*]4 ounces sliced mushrooms, sauteed

[*]1/4 cup all-purpose flour

[*]1/3 cup water

 

PREPARATION:

Directions for rabbit stew.

Dredge rabbit pieces with 1/2 cup flour. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium heat; brown rabbit pieces on all sides. Add celery, onion, salt, pepper, bay leaf, 4 cups water, and wine; bring to the boil.

 

Reduce heat to a simmer, cover, and simmer rabbit stew for 2 hours. Add carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms; cook for about 25 to 30 minutes longer, or until vegetables are tender. Combine 1/4 cup flour and 1/3 cup water; stir until well blended and smooth. Stir flour mixture into the broth; cook and stir until thickened.

Rabbit stew recipe serves 4

 

Thumper tastes like chicken!

 

Jodi says I don't cook enough...... Habu!, want to come over for dinner???

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

Hey John! Send me the bunny I'll "take care of it".

 

 

 

INGREDIENTS:

[*]1 rabbit, about 3 pounds, cut up

[*]1/2 cup all-purpose flour

[*]3 tablespoons butter

[*]1 cup chopped celery

[*]2 medium onions, thinly sliced

[*]1 teaspoon seasoned salt

[*]1 teaspoon salt

[*]dash pepper

[*]1 bay leaf

[*]4 cups water

[*]4 cups dry red wine

[*]2 cups diced carrots

[*]4 medium potatoes, peeled and diced

[*]4 ounces sliced mushrooms, sauteed

[*]1/4 cup all-purpose flour

[*]1/3 cup water

 

PREPARATION:

Directions for rabbit stew.

Dredge rabbit pieces with 1/2 cup flour. Melt butter in a Dutch oven over medium heat; brown rabbit pieces on all sides. Add celery, onion, salt, pepper, bay leaf, 4 cups water, and wine; bring to the boil.

 

Reduce heat to a simmer, cover, and simmer rabbit stew for 2 hours. Add carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms; cook for about 25 to 30 minutes longer, or until vegetables are tender. Combine 1/4 cup flour and 1/3 cup water; stir until well blended and smooth. Stir flour mixture into the broth; cook and stir until thickened.

Rabbit stew recipe serves 4

 

Thumper tastes like chicken!

 

Jodi says I don't cook enough...... Habu!, want to come over for dinner???

[+TrailGators]

I'm glad someone finally figured it out ..........

[+jahoadi and john]

I'm glad someone finally figured it out ..........

 

 

 

yeah...that men have "nothing boxes" and they often do "nothing"...It was really funny though. And Thumper better not get harmed....

[+TrailGators]

I'm glad someone finally figured it out ..........

 

 

 

yeah...that men have "nothing boxes" and they often do "nothing"...It was really funny though. And Thumper better not get harmed....

 

My wife hates when I do nothing and I've never understood why.

"Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand."

[+jahoadi and john]

I'm glad someone finally figured it out ..........

 

 

 

yeah...that men have "nothing boxes" and they often do "nothing"...It was really funny though. And Thumper better not get harmed....

 

My wife hates when I do nothing and I've never understood why.

"Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand."

 

 

Wow, pretty accurate. Usually I try to hide when I'm opening the nothing box I won't hurt Thumper if you pay Miss Jodi

[+splashman]

I'm glad someone finally figured it out ..........

 

 

 

yeah...that men have "nothing boxes" and they often do "nothing"...It was really funny though. And Thumper better not get harmed....

 

 

Huh? You mean men only have ONE nothing box???

 

Splashette

[+Let's Look Over Thayer]

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing...

[+Snake & Rooster]

Jodi, please help me... This is Thumper. I'm being held hostage. Don't let him hurt me please.

 

 

Is this an inside joke?

 

 

John...if you harm one hair on his head you are DEAD!!! No Pat..it's not a joke..he was having me teach him how to load pictures into the forums and I got suckered into giving him directions via the phone. Remember he is not paperless or very computer savvy.

 

 

 

As the saying goes, "Give a man a rabbit, you feed him for a day." "Teach a man to hunt, you feed him for the rest of his life." . . . or some such thing.

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, you should be receiving a ransom note soon. Be ready to pay or else.

 

 

Help me Jodi, please, please, please...

[+TrailGators]

Jodi, you should be receiving a ransom note soon. Be ready to pay or else.

 

 

Help me Jodi, please, please, please...

 

Have Thumper sing that to my wife, Rhonda:

"Help me Rhonda. Help, help me Rhonda!"

Edited January 10, 2008 by TrailGators

[+SKILLET]

Jodi, you should be receiving a ransom note soon. Be ready to pay or else.

 

 

Help me Jodi, please, please, please...

 

Have Thumper sing that to my wife, Rhonda:

"Help me Rhonda. Help, help me Rhonda!"

 

 

[+Cat & Bobby]

Jodi, you should be receiving a ransom note soon. Be ready to pay or else.

 

 

Help me Jodi, please, please, please...

 

Jodi:

If you need a support crew or a ride over to the offices of PETA (the real one, not the People for Eating Tasty Animals) we are sure thier national offices will want to pick up this challenge. I think even the Navy would take notice of several hundred blue-haired picketers outside the Fallon gates. We think maybe John didn't think his plan all the way through, and elevating this to national level will cause him to reconsider. At this point we would suggest you not accept a simple appology and release of Thumper, but consider the longterm care and emotional treatment he is going to have to go through (Thumper, John is already too far gone for treatment); with that we would suggest a new companion for Thumper is intirely appropriate (along with his own GC tag and atleast a few finds).

We will keep watching this for further infractions Cat & Bobby

[+Let's Look Over Thayer]

As the saying goes, "Give a man a rabbit, you feed him for a day." "Teach a man to hunt, you feed him for the rest of his life." . . . or some such thing.

Give a man a program and he'll be frustrated for a day. Teach him to program and he'll be frustrated for the rest of his life.

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, you should be receiving a ransom note soon. Be ready to pay or else.

 

 

Help me Jodi, please, please, please...

 

Jodi:

If you need a support crew or a ride over to the offices of PETA (the real one, not the People for Eating Tasty Animals) we are sure thier national offices will want to pick up this challenge. I think even the Navy would take notice of several hundred blue-haired picketers outside the Fallon gates. We think maybe John didn't think his plan all the way through, and elevating this to national level will cause him to reconsider. At this point we would suggest you not accept a simple appology and release of Thumper, but consider the longterm care and emotional treatment he is going to have to go through (Thumper, John is already too far gone for treatment); with that we would suggest a new companion for Thumper is intirely appropriate (along with his own GC tag and atleast a few finds).

We will keep watching this for further infractions Cat & Bobby

 

 

Oh No..his ears are missing! Is it too late? Thumper...we're on our way......

[+ThePolarBear]

As the saying goes, "Give a man a rabbit, you feed him for a day." "Teach a man to hunt, you feed him for the rest of his life." . . . or some such thing.

Give a man a program and he'll be frustrated for a day. Teach him to program and he'll be frustrated for the rest of his life.

 

-How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

-None! It's a hardware issue!

Edited January 10, 2008 by ThePolarBear

[+TrailGators]

As the saying goes, "Give a man a rabbit, you feed him for a day." "Teach a man to hunt, you feed him for the rest of his life." . . . or some such thing.

Give a man a program and he'll be frustrated for a day. Teach him to program and he'll be frustrated for the rest of his life.

 

-How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?

-None! It's a hardware issue!

 

-How many college football players does it take to change a lightbulb?

-One, but he gets three credits for doing it.

[+SKILLET]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table.

 

My wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

 

"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

 

So you see, there really are two ways to look at

everything . Yes dear, yes dear, what ever you say dear

[+ThePolarBear]

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner.

 

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap."

 

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:

"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

[+ThePolarBear]

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

 

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a Latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

 

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

 

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

 

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

 

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young Vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

 

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?

[+TrailGators]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken woman swigging her drink, as she sat alone at a nearby table.

 

My wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

 

"My God!" says my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

 

So you see, there really are two ways to look at

everything . Yes dear, yes dear, what ever you say dear

Your wife knows to hit a ball when it's thrown right over the plate! Edited January 11, 2008 by TrailGators

[+ThePolarBear]

HIGHWAY PATROL APPLICANTS

 

Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"

The blondes all nodded.

 

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a folder.

Sitting back down, he opened it and pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities, such as scars and so forth."

So saying, he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now, " he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"

The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

 

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

"Yes! He only has one ear!"

The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear!! You're excused too!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

 

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but..." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right,

did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.

He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"

 

The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Helloooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

[+TrailGators]

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

 

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal- rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a Latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

 

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

 

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

 

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

 

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young Vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

 

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said. Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?

I remember them making me study art history. I don't think I've ever doodled and day-dreamed more in any other class.

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

[+Eric and Hill]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

 

[+SKILLET]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

 

 

 

Call out the SWAT Team it looks like a hostage situation.

[+jahoadi and john]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

 

 

 

Call out the SWAT Team it looks like a hostage situation.

 

 

 

What a loser...he didn't even use camo-duct tape!!! Cat and Bobby should almost be at the front gate by now and I have the admin on my payroll now so don't worry Thumper...breathe through your nose! Payback .....

[+TrailGators]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

 

Why is this reminding me of Polar Bear's Riddle #15?

[+SD Rowdies]

Jodi, MMM MMMMM M MM MMMM

 

 

mmmm m mm mmm mmmmmmm

 

 

 

Call out the SWAT Team it looks like a hostage situation.

 

 

 

What a loser...he didn't even use camo-duct tape!!! Cat and Bobby should almost be at the front gate by now and I have the admin on my payroll now so don't worry Thumper...breathe through your nose! Payback .....

 

BREAKOUT!

 

[+Let's Look Over Thayer]

BREAKOUT!

 

That is wrong on so many levels -- not the least of which is the fact that I've totally broken out due to some recent misadventures in Tecolote Canyon...

 

I did not need to see this...!!!

[+SD Rowdies]

BREAKOUT!

 

That is wrong on so many levels -- not the least of which is the fact that I've totally broken out

due to some recent misadventures in Tecolote Canyon...

 

I did not need to see this...!!!

But is there anything vaguely familiar about the image?

 

Now we want to hear about your misadventures. Possibly P.O.?

Edited January 12, 2008 by SD Rowdies

[+SKILLET]

BREAKOUT!

 

That is wrong on so many levels -- not the least of which is the fact that I've totally broken out

due to some recent misadventures in Tecolote Canyon...

 

I did not need to see this...!!!

But is there anything vaguely familiar about the image?

 

Now we want to hear about your misadventures. Possibly P.O.?

 

 

Looks like we will have to change FATTBOYS name to Thumper

Edited January 12, 2008 by SKILLET

[+SD Rowdies]

Looks like we will have to change FATTBOYS name to Thumper

 

Edited January 12, 2008 by SD Rowdies

[+jahoadi and john]

Looks like we will have to change FATTBOYS name to Thumper

 

 

 

My poor Thumper...first he gets kidnapped and caged and then John gives him poison oak... and now he's starts looking like Fattboy! You all in BIG trouble!!!!

[+TrailGators]

Looks like we will have to change FATTBOYS name to Thumper

 

 

 

My poor Thumper...first he gets kidnapped and caged and then John gives him poison oak... and now he's starts looking like Fattboy! You all in BIG trouble!!!!

 

Jodi, I bet you can't wait to get Thumper back...