+Renegade Knight Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Geocaching In the news, It’s only a matter of time. Before we read stories like these. Greenpeace has staged a cache bash for the Upper Peninsula. The goal is to gather caches from where they have been abandoned and recycle the materials. “It removes litter from natural areas and restores our woodlands to their pristine beauty.” Said Greenpeace spokesman John Lockheart. When asked how they know which caches have been abandoned John said “They all are! We took our lead from the NPS” The NPS has evaluated geocaching and issued a final determination in a report titles “Geocaching and it’s impact to NPS Lands”. The highlights are as follows. 1) The ban on physical caches should remain in place. 2) Virtual caches should also be banned. Virtual caches take people off the trail 3) All GPS based sports are banned unless specifically approved. This is to cover geocaching variants such as geodashing, minute wars, and waypoint.org. The NPS reported that by banning activities that would actually bring people to the park the park would be available for future generations to be banned from using the park also. The USGS is receiving pressure to remove sensitive locations from their topographic maps. Among the items they are being pressured to remove are Caves, Mines, Ghost Towns, Mineral Prospects, Hot Springs, Springs, and Ruins. In addition they are being pressured to remove Jeep Trails that are not approved for display on a map by the land manager. “This way we will be doing our part to preserve our nations wonders and protect the safety of the people who use our maps!” No comment was their reaction when asked about the need for accurate maps. One source who chose to remain anonymous said “Hey, at least you can draw your own map on the paper” The forest service has banned the use of GPS devices for any purpose within wilderness areas. Kim Foreman their spokesperson has this to say “It’s a wilderness area, technology doesn’t belong. We are also considering a ban on portable water filters because the forest service doesn’t want the liability of people drinking the water. We have not been able to control either human contamination or the more virulent strains of Beaver Fever. You should pack your own water.” There is a rumored ban on humans in wilderness areas in the works. When asked Kim commented “Well, duh, we are not wild animals and so we should stay out of Wild-derness.” California, a progressive state is conducting a study on the air quality impacts of geocaching. California a leader in automotive emissions controls has recognized that geocahing leads to increased driving which in turn increases emissions. A grant application has been submitted for a pilot study on licensing geocachers and charging a special geocaching tax to help defray the costs to the state infrastructure. If the grant is approved geocachers could be taxed for both their hobby and driving an SUV which is generally considered the best vehicle for non urban caches. A Florida commission on Alligator Habitat is studying the impact of geoaching on Alligators. “People like to place caches in beautiful remote, and scenic areas. These areas a prime habitat and we can’t overlook the impact to the recovering alligator populations or the dangers to the people who are seeking these caches.” Early signs indicated that caches will be banned anywhere there have been sightings. “We just can’t be responsible for peoples safety” said the commissions spokesman, they added “Besides some geocachers having caught the gator eating the cache retrieved the cache anyway rather than log a skunk. This was most upsetting to the alligator.” Texas has embraced geocaching in a big way. “The deer here are so dinky that we have taken up hunting geocaches”. Said Bubba holding his Pre-Ban AR-15. “Yeah, we figure if we can draw a bead on the cache it’s not hidden well enough and a few rounds through it lets the owner know they need to do a better job”. “It a public service really” said Bubba’s Friend Elmo while clutching his AK-47. “We even get a bounty from the state park commission for every certified cache removal.” Bubba added, “but we only get 30 days from when it’s first approved. After that the cache is considered hidden well and it’s off limits” Nevada bans betting on geocaches. Some dealers had taken up betting on how long a cache would last before it was plundered. A hidden web cam would be installed to ensure honesty and to time the exact moment of plunder. Unfortunately it was impossible to track behind the scenes workings and all caches were being plundered. The Nevada Gaming Commission has before it a proposal to ban the placement of caches to solve once and for all the problem of illegal geocache betting. In a remote reservation in Duck Valley the local residents have set up a geocache preserve. Five bucks at the boundary and you are in for a true maximum cache density hunting experience. When asked why the tribe stated “Have you ever heard of Duck Valley or even driven through on accident? The biggest problem we have is that this is considered a commercial venture and our caches are being rejected, but we are working around that. Soon we will have geocache bingo ready to go” Newswire New Jersey. Ground samples must be submitted to the new GPS Games Division of the State Park Authority, for testing. “We need to improve the image of New Jersey. We don’t need an incident like Love Canal happening in our state; Besides we really do have 90% of all the nations chemical plants. The fee for testing is 150.00. A separate application for tentative approval of the location must also be completed. That fee is 50.00 unless a site visit by the GPS Game Field Officer is warranted then it’s 250.00 to cover wages. Once these two hurdles are cleared the GPS Legal Review team will have final say on whether the cache can be approved, this occurs after the final 3000.00 legal review fee is paid. California is said to be watching this potential revenue source closely. Geocaching was recently banned in France. It’s suspected that the reason is that both the game and the name were invented in the USA. Francophiles rejoice and expect to ‘re-invent’ the sport when the European GPS system is in place and operational. “Our cultural purity will be persevered” chanted French Citizens who have a lot of time for chants with the unemployment rate in France what it is. French Canadians tired of the cultural pollution immediately made immigration plans for the motherland. The citizens of Main wasted no time shutting down all schools, businesses and government offices to celebrate in an impromptu statewide street party. The Coalition against Inappropriate Behavior National Congress spoke out against geocaching and the use of GPS technology. “It’s theoretically possible to have an opening screen image of a playmate” was the reason stated. When pressed further they admitted the real reason for the ban was that a butt naked travel bug stuffed animal monkey was out there somewhere and this blatant decadence was against their teachings. In Congress the Internet Security Bill proposes that all internet monikers be banned and people have to register under their real names after passing a background check. In a surprise political move the EPA has announced sweeping environmental reforms at the individual level. Each person is assigned 100 Environmental Degradation Points to use over their lifetime. Each outdoor activity location has been assigned EDP’s that are spent in order to do be in the area. Once a person runs out of points they can no longer participate in any activities that result in environmental degradation. The EPA has announced that each person will be implanted with a unique biochip that interfaces with an advanced GPS based satellite system. The system tracks a persons location at all time. The entire USA has been broke out into EDP regions. Each region has a point value and as people go about their daily business points are deducted from their balance. “It’s so brilliant says Clinton, it will be my legacy for the history books.” Mass protests have broken out over this system. The protests are led by Eco Nazi’s, geocachers, cavers and Fundamentalist Christians who have joined forces in protest. The geocachers realized they would spend all their points in a few weeks of urban caching. Cavers done in by their own arguments about the ultra sensitivity of a cave system are having a hard time digesting the 3000 points required for a cave crawl in a pristine cave. Fundamentalist Christians claim it’s the mark of the Beast. Eco Nazi’s broke down in tears to learn that spiking tree’s and other activities also used points and don’t in fact create them. Points can be bought and sold via eBay and other free market locations. Doing an activity without points will result in both fines and arrest. Repeated infractions result in military servitude as cannon fodder. Removal of the chip is punishable by death. Says Clinton “The environment is here for us all to enjoy. This system puts us all on equal footing, that’s why we have chosen a system whereby people can buy points to do the activities they love! This is what free enterprise is all about!” Quote Link to comment
Swagger Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 <standing ovation> Well done, RK, well done. -- Pehmva! Random quote: Quote Link to comment
umc Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 That is funny, thanks, I really liked the one on France. ______________________________________________________________________________________ Caching without a clue.... Quote Link to comment
+Possum Posse Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Very creative. "Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us" - Thomas Paine Quote Link to comment
+RuffRidr Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Funny and sad at the same time. Quote Link to comment
+Team GPSaxophone Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 I didn't read it at first because I thought it was another of your long rants. Glad I took a second look. Good job Took sun from sky, left world in eternal darkness Quote Link to comment
+Breaktrack Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 Man, I have to say, you have a great imagination, and you write well, too! This was quite enjoyable to read. It is not enjoyable to comtemplate. "Trade up, trade even, or don't trade!!!" My philosophy of life. Quote Link to comment
+cachew nut Posted July 18, 2003 Share Posted July 18, 2003 quote:Originally posted by umc:That is funny, thanks, I really liked the one on France. Heh, then you will like this, France bans email Quote Link to comment
+sept1c_tank Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Yes indeed. Very entertaining. ==============?If it feels good...do it?=============== **(the other 9 out of 10 voices in my head say: "Don't do it!")** . Quote Link to comment
+Team GPSaxophone Posted July 19, 2003 Share Posted July 19, 2003 Are the French banning toast now too? Took sun from sky, left world in eternal darkness Quote Link to comment
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