Geo Nde

[+Confucius' Cat]

(Editors note:

This post is intended entirely as humor. I hope you find it worthy of at least an LOL , however if you lose interest prior to accomplishing a complete reading, DON’T COMPLAIN, simply click the “back” button on your browser and you will be returned to the topic listing whereupon you may choose a more suitable topic. Thank you for your patience and have a nice day.)

 

Geo NDE, A Glimpse of The Other Side

 

Suddenly I awoke, not as one waking from a good night’s sleep, but rather as from a drunken stupor. I stared, mesmerized at my unfamiliar surroundings. I was in some kind of brightly lighted tube or tunnel. The illumination was peculiar. There were no shadows and the light penetrated every crevice but there seemed to be no source for the light except for a brilliant white object at the end of the tunnel.

 

The silence in the tunnel was eerie and unbroken. “Where am I?” I shouted. There came a reply in a loud but puerile voice, echoing intensely through the tunnel, “go toward the light my friend”, and then, another deeper more manly voice with a critical, commanding tone, “but stay on the trail!”.

 

The walls of the tunnel were papered with weird miniature images. There were clowns, and people holding hands, and all sorts of other tiny pictures. Also on the walls was strange graffiti. Each line was written in red using a common typewriter font with a horizontal line through the middle. As I walked on towards the light, I saw the image of a martial artist, kicking some sort of football shaped object that appeared to be made of gray paper. Then it dawned on me that these were the avatars and archived caches of the many cachers who had committed forum suicide.

 

At the end of the tunnel was a huge iron gate that glowed with Saint Elmo’s fire. On it was a large sign. “No trespassing”, it said but I knew it didn’t mean me. As I started to climb over the gate, it opened and there stood a bizarre creature, glowing with the brilliance of a six-cell L.E.D. flashlight. In appearance it was like a child, but with wings like two travel bug tags and the head of a McDonalds toy. In its right hand it held a 50-caliber ammo box and in its left something with the appearance of an E-trex Legend except that it shone brilliantly in the light with a sparkle like unto jasper and lapis lazuli.

 

The creature greeted me warmly, “welcome, my friend”. “My name is Cassius“. “I will be your host on your many caching adventures” “Come, walk with me, let me show you around”.

 

We walked leisurely down a beautiful, well-marked path through a pristine woodland with perfect trees (all hollow) and spotlessly clean trails.

 

“You’ll like it here”, Cassius said. “We don’t have a lot of silly rules”, he continued. “Every historical marker can be a virtual cache, every stop sign can be logged as a locationless find”. “There are caches on all the railroad tracks, caches that look like pipe bombs placed on every bridge and who ever heard of such a thing as a 528 foot rule anyway”. As I looked up, I saw a yellow Jeep. “Yes, we have those too”, he quickly added.

 

“Do you like to CITO?” Cassius asked, handing me a trash bag. As I took the bag, it was as if my eyes were opened and I could see discarded beer cans by the dozen along the trail. I bagged them all but the bag never got full and it seemed to have no weight at all.

 

He led me to a Wal-Mart display case that held every known brand and style of GPSr. “Choose,” he said simply. I reached into the case and selected a Magellan Meridian Platinum. As I turned it on the housing glowed with fire like Hades and the display was so large and clear that I could actually read the numbers.

 

“Go and hunt,” he said in a kind and friendly voice and he waved his arm toward a beautiful field of wild and endangered flowers surrounded by forests that are home to every rare species known to man. “Go anywhere you want, there are no rules here”, he said and he followed at a distance.

(editors note: I TOLD you not to complain…. The “back” button… the “back” button, remember?)

 

I did hunt and hunt for hours and hours.

Trampled all the lovely flowers,

Left it like an old strip mine

Yet still I could not log a find.

 

I hit “GOTO” and tried again

Hoped at least one cache to win

The trail’s well worn from others who tried.

But like the first hunt, no cache there lied.

 

“Locationless” I thought, “I’ll just log one of those”.

I took the coordinates where the Yellow Jeep did repose.

When to the log I posted I found it not closed.

But was told by my browser “we just don’t do those”.

 

Then a virt caught my fancy and off there I went.

The area I found was not quite “God sent”.

The “great scenic view” was just trash, nothing more

I rubbed my poor eyes because they were sore.

 

Through many a waypoint and many a clue,

I searched and I searched as my fingers flew

Across the navigation buttons; Oh there were a slew

Of caches listed, but none of them new.

And all I could find was a dirty old shoe.

 

No rules and no caches for miles around

When posting the admins don’t make a sound

I may be quite crazy, but I’d bet my stash

I’d gone to the homeland of NaviXXXX.

(editors’ note: illegal word deleted, well we almost got it in time.)

 

I knew then and there I was not where I thought

So to return where I came from was what I now sought.

 

I ran so fast a puma couldn’t catch me

Till I stopped for my breath and fell on one knee

There I sat in a field of briars and branches

And trampled flowers and muggled up caches

 

A veteran cacher, I had marked the big gate

In case I would find myself in just such a state

I hit the GOTO button and spun myself round

Kicked a live hornets nest I had just found

Thus encouraged to go I fled there non-stop

I got to the iron gate and leaped to the top.

As over I went, to Cassius I shout:

This aint Heaven and I’m checking out!

 

At home I logged on and this story unfurled

There are caches to be found and all is well with the world.

 

Disclaimer:

No endangered crab grass was harmed in the making of this post, nor were any striped stinging creatures displaced from their homes for my personal gratification. This post was, however processed on a machine that has been in contact with several geo-nuts. Therefore persons with nut allergies should refrain from reading this post. (I guess I really should have put that at the beginning.)

 

 

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[+Team GPSaxophone]

Oh, I thought you left out a "u" in the title

[+Confucius' Cat]

reckon u hit the back button quick

[bug and snake]

Applause - Applause - Applause.....

[+2qwerqE]

CCD,

Love it! In my dreams, I cache in amazing places all over the universe. IRL, I'm stuck in central Indiana. Which is not to say that there's aren't some pretty places here (Turkey Run, Clifty Falls, McCormicks Crk, to name a few) but I'm jonesing for mountains and oceans and deserts. Wish I could afford a destiantion vacation. For now, I cache in my dreams... Thanks for the grin.

[+Deckyon]

heh-heh