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Forum Suicide Practice


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There has been a real spate of forum suicides that just don't take. Now don't get me wrong a good suicide note gives a lot of entertaining cannon fodder, plus when they come back you get to give them a ration of well deserved crap. Still it's clear that some practice to get it right is needed.

 

I'm going to plagiarize Chief Joseph (with appologies) for my practice note:

 

From where the frog now stands I shall cache no more forever.

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Are critiques invited?

Never mind, here goes.

I liked the historical reference, as well as the content. I had to subtract 2 points for breivity. I subtracted another 1 point for lack of attacks on the mods, 1 for failng to mention your position on Virtual, locationless, or Micro's, and 1 more for the total lack of any personal flames.

 

I give this geocide a:

5

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Are critiques invited?

Never mind, here goes.

I liked the historical reference, as well as the content. I had to subtract 2 points for breivity. I subtracted another 1 point for lack of attacks on the mods, 1 for failng to mention your position on Virtual, locationless, or Micro's, and 1 more for the total lack of any personal flames.

 

I give this geocide a:

5

Those are good points. I think a truly well constructed forum suicide not has the ability to ensure your suicide because you get banned for life. My creative license was limited by such annoyances as forum guidelines, which of course would not stand in the way of a real note.

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You guys all don't suck and I am going to go to your forums more than ever !

You are all not unfunny ! I really don't not like you ! I don't not love the moderators and geo caching is better than sex.

I will never not go back to the forums again.

I feel totally un disrespected.

I hereby don't quit and will not never be here again.

Goodbye !

:rolleyes:

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From where the frog now stands I shall cache no more forever.

While I applaud the historical reference and directness of this 'practice note' I feel obligated to point out you actually succedded in being offensive to no one in any way. A good suicide note, IMHO, must be marbeled with misguided and ill conceived anger towards as many people, groups and ideals as possible. Your note is to brief and to the point to be any fun. How am I supposed to make fun of a note like that? You didn't leave me anything to pick apart and taunt you with when you return after not actually quiting. However I give it an

8

Simply because it has class.

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from where i see it repeatedly doin stupid things like... markwell(it is my first markwell, i hope i did i right)

 

the admn will see to your forumcide. I figure i better markwell it before ALL :D the admin refrence it.

 

of course a sincere apology with the promise of not EVER doing it again well help bring you back to life... markwell #2

 

dont practice this form of forumcide :huh:

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You guys all don't suck and I am going to go to your forums more than ever !

You are all not unfunny ! I really don't not like you ! I don't not love the moderators and geo caching is better than sex.

I will never not go back to the forums again.

I feel totally un disrespected.

I hereby don't quit and will not never be here again.

Goodbye !

:huh:

That sounds an owful like criminals post from the other day

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You guys all don't suck and I am going to go to your forums more than ever !

You are all not unfunny ! I really don't not like you ! I don't not love the moderators and geo caching is better than sex.

I will never not go back to the forums again.

I feel totally un disrespected.

I hereby don't quit and will not never be here again.

Goodbye !

:huh:

Gotta give this one a

5

Just cause I had a hard time figuring out all the double (triple) negatives.

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Through early morning fog I see

virtuals still banned for me

warnings from my last entry

I realize and I can see...

 

[REFRAIN]:

geo-suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

 

I try to find a way to make

offtopic posts relate

but soon frustation turns to hate

and now I know that it's too late, and...

 

[REFRAIN]

 

Geocaching was once fun to play

Until virtuals went away

Urban micros I'll never lay

so this is all I have to say.

 

[REFRAIN]

 

The only way to win is cheat

never admitting when I'm beat

claim they log finds while in their seat

for that's the only painless feat.

 

[REFRAIN]

 

The travel bug that I tried to trace

Some cacher holds, he just won't place

I'd like to punch him in the face

His brings the sport so much disgrace.

 

[REFRAIN]

 

A brave man once requested me

to find a puzzle cache's key

co-ordinates were in base three

and I replied 'oh why ask me?'

 

[REFRAIN]

 

geosuicide is painless

it brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

 

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Edited by bons
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Through early morning fog I see

virtuals still banned for me

warnings from my last entry

I realize and I can see...

 

[REFRAIN]:

geo-suicide is painless

It brings on many changes

and I can take or leave it if I please.

 

...

 

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

We have at least an 8 here but I think a bonus point for style is called for, I give it a

9

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3a1c9812-8fc9-495b-a91c-fd9906127d3e.jpg

I'm freezin' my Smurf off here and no one has smurfed up for me yet.

It's not easy being 3 apples high, with such a large...instrument!

I was going to host a smurfy event, but I think I'll keep the Smurflings home instead. You know how hard it is to carry a 2 year old Smurf up a snow-covered hill to find a smurfing cache?

Don't even get me smurfed about virtual smurfs! Every one that gets approved just proves how un-smurfy those approvers are!

I think I'll join Subigo, but only smurf off with historical markers!

He's as bad as those Canadian Smurfs! :huh:

I think I'd rather read PlaySmurf than listen to you smurfers anymore

I Quit!

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I'm freezin' my Smurf off here and no one has smurfed up for me yet.

It's not easy being 3 apples high, with such a large...instrument!

I was going to host a smurfy event, but I think I'll keep the Smurflings home instead. You know how hard it is to carry a 2 year old Smurf up a snow-covered hill to find a smurfing cache?

Don't even get me smurfed about virtual smurfs! Every one that gets approved just proves how un-smurfy those approvers are!

I think I'll join Subigo, but only smurf off with historical markers!

He's as bad as those Canadian Smurfs! :huh:

I think I'd rather read PlaySmurf than listen to you smurfers anymore

I Quit!

I give it a 7 for diction, a 5 for flair, a 10 for overall smurfiness, and a 10 for the smurfication del subigo of virtuals! Grand tally of 8 !!!

Edited by Sparky-Watts
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Still a bit on the short side -1, the usual flame/guideline deduction -2, cute picture of Smurf -3, using the word smurfing -1 (thats why * was invented :huh: ). Promise to try harder next time +3, thats what the topic is all about after all.

 

I give it a;

6

 

I know you can beat that!!!!

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I'm sick of all this BS! The abject silliness, the smurf crap, it has nothing to do with geocaching. Why don't you all just get a life and talk about nothing else but geocaching. I've never seen such childish behavior in my life! When I come to these forums I don't want to have fun! I don't want to enjoy posting. I don't want to enjoy reading all your ******* posts. But every time I come here I do just that! dadgum you! dadgum the whole lot of you! dadgum you all! Because of this BS this will be my final post. You will never again see the name JMBella in these forums. Goodbye!

 

 

How was that?

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I'm sick of all this BS! The abject silliness, the smurf crap, it has nothing to do with geocaching. Why don't you all just get a life and talk about nothing else but geocaching.  I've never seen such childish behavior in my life!  When I come to these forums I don't want to have fun! I don't want to enjoy posting. I don't want to enjoy reading all your ******* posts. But every time I come here I do just that! dadgum you! dadgum the whole lot of you! dadgum you all! Because of this BS this will be my final post. You will never again see the name JMBella in these forums. Goodbye!

 

 

How was that?

Ladies and gents I think we have a new champion!!!!!

 

Although not as long winded as we might hope it has the advantage of holding the readers attention through the entire tirade. Almost perfect in form and execution, every element is there, a very nice use of *'s.

 

I give it a

9

 

Edit: Typo

Edited by rusty_tlc
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Dear Geocaching,

 

Farewell friends. I fear there is but one breath left to exhaust. The difficulties of everyday forum life and the extraordinary sting of sarcasm and stress have, indubitably, left me but a mere reflection of my former self. Is it not enough that we must endure the repetition and unending threads relating to Smurfs, ammo boxes, virt caches and what to carry in a backpack, now it seems those topics are music to my ears because, I must go. (Insert sounds of sniffling) I do however want to thank the following people for there unending love and support, huh … now, were is that dadgum list … ah, never mind. In conclusion, please do not feel pity or remorse for clearpath, after all, life on the reservation is pretty darn sweet. See you in the great beyond.

 

clearpath

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Clearpath:

 

Excellent mix of remorse, frustration, affection and sarcasm. In sidestepping the traditional airing of grievances and bitterness you have broadened the horizons of geocide literature, transcending the norm and paving the way to a new frontier.

 

I can almost hear "Don't cry for me Argentina" :huh:

 

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. - W. Somerset Maugham

Edited by Johnnie Stalkers
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Lord, is this what these forums have turned into? It's crap threads like these that make me want to pour bleach into my eyes everytime I visit these forums. And if it's not this, it's people whining about "Waah, my sorry a** excuse for a virtual wasn't approved" or "The stoopid moderators have it in for me! They suck!"

 

This used to be a great source of geocaching information. Now it's turned into a big playpen for a bunch or crybaby antisocial morons who can do nothing but complain about the same bull over and over again.

 

I gave you guys a chance. Every day I pop in here to see if an intelligent thought has somehow managed to make its way to the forums, but apparantly there's some sort of bottleneck between the keyboards and your chairs.

 

Screw it all. I don't need to deal with this day in and day out. You all have ruined geocaching for me. I've barely got 400 posts to my name, but that will be all for me. It'll be a cold day in Wisconsin before you see me around here anymore.

 

Goodbye. :huh:

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Clearpath:

 

Excellent mix of remorse, frustration, affection and sarcasm.  In sidestepping the traditional airing of grievances and bitterness you have broadened the horizons of geocide literature, transcending the norm and paving the way to a new frontier.

 

I can almost hear "Don't cry for me Argentina"  :D

 

I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation. - W. Somerset Maugham

Well said JS, well said.

 

But how do you score it? This is so far from the norm how can it be compared to the typical temper tantrum I quit note? This sounds like a true heartfelt resignation, one that would probably stick. :huh:

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Dear Geocaching,

 

Farewell friends. I fear there is but one breath left to exhaust.  The difficulties of everyday forum life and the extraordinary sting of sarcasm and stress have, indubitably, left me but a mere reflection of my former self.  Is it not enough that we must endure the repetition and unending threads relating to Smurfs, ammo boxes, virt caches and what to carry in a backpack, now it seems those topics are music to my ears because, I must go. (Insert sounds of sniffling) I do however want to thank the following people for there unending love and support, huh … now, were is that dadgum list … ah, never mind.  In conclusion, please do not feel pity or remorse for clearpath, after all, life on the reservation is pretty darn sweet.  See you in the great beyond.

 

clearpath

Wow. I'm all choked up from that. Well written and heart felt. I would have liked to see a little more anger though. A parting flame for someone purhaps. All in all a very well delivered goecide.

 

8

 

Well done.

Edited by JMBella
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Lord, is this what these forums have turned into? It's crap threads like these that make me want to pour bleach into my eyes everytime I visit these forums. And if it's not this, it's people whining about "Waah, my sorry a** excuse for a virtual wasn't approved" or "The stoopid moderators have it in for me! They suck!"

 

This used to be a great source of geocaching information. Now it's turned into a big playpen for a bunch or crybaby antisocial morons who can do nothing but complain about the same bull over and over again.

 

I gave you guys a chance. Every day I pop in here to see if an intelligent thought has somehow managed to make its way to the forums, but apparantly there's some sort of bottleneck between the keyboards and your chairs.

 

Screw it all. I don't need to deal with this day in and day out. You all have ruined geocaching for me. I've barely got 400 posts to my name, but that will be all for me. It'll be a cold day in Wisconsin before you see me around here anymore.

 

Goodbye.  :huh:

The anger, the passion, I feel your pain my brother. I did have a little trouble sympathizing with you though. I think a mixture of clearpaths and yours would be a perfect geocide post. Again very well executed.

 

8

Edited by JMBella
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Well said JS, well said.

 

But how do you score it? This is so far from the norm how can it be compared to the typical temper tantrum I quit note? This sounds like a true heartfelt resignation, one that would probably stick. :huh:

Hard to judge it. The topic was more along the lines of the ones I make fun of. Clearpath was pretty sincere and remorseful. :D The kind of suicide note that makes sense and would sadden me greatly because I value the comments of the poster. (Except that redneck comment, but we patched that one up pretty quickly :D )

 

Interesting points made though. The perfect suicide note would be heartfelt and from someone whose words you respected and enjoyed. The conditions of remorsefull retirement would have to allow for some airing of grievance, a little well placed hostility directed at an uncontrolled yet unified foe of cachers everywhere. We are refining this nicely.

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I have delayed the inevitable as long as I can, it is time for me to bid my fellow cachers fare the well. Over the past months I have formed some strong bonds with many here and will miss you all sorely. To those of you that I have butted heads with, my apologies, in many cases our conflicts have taught me valuable lessons about friendship, love and respect. Thank you all for your benevolence, your guidance and your ongoing faith to this glorious sport. You are all my heroes.

 

Is it with great regret and a tearful eye I turn my back on you now. I believe that I have fought the good fight, but doing so has cost me dearly. I pray that someday, you can see your way to forgiving me. With carpel tunnel in both wrist, shin splints and failing eye sight I have no choice to bow out as gracefully as my weakening knees and back allow. I curse my failing body for taking the one thing away that made life worth living. Some of you have placed brilliant caches, the difficult terrains and mental challenges have taken their toll on me. Secretly I hate you all for this, though I'll never admit it, because I cherish you so. There was hope that I may still be able to enjoy some virtual and locationless caches from the comfort of my wheel chair accesible van, but the TPTB are taking even those away, selfish b*******. My only hope is that some of you get to read this before the mods remove all traces of my existence for calling TPTB the selfish f****** that they are.

 

Fare the well my friends, may God walk with you on each hunt and your signal strength be forever strong. Please carry my spirit with you on your journeys, it is more than my failing limbs can support any longer, you lucky B*******.

 

Edited to include a shot at TPTB and the mods. :huh:

Edited by Johnnie Stalkers
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One thing, what about those &%# Mod's, and  virtuals/micros? It also sounded way to involentary, geocide should be because you want to not due to infirmity.

Edited to include virtuals and locationless caches, mods and TPTB.

I think we are really close with this one, but I thought we were close to perfection quite a while back with clearpath.

 

9

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