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Yawn...


Criminal

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Kinda boring here today. Everyone must have taken the day off and gone geocaching

 

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You suck. You should shut your dadgum mouth before I smack you.

 

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Hey, Crim is bored and I think we should do something about it.

 

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Well, we could send Tiny, our faithful toothless helper monkey.

 

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Eeeee! Eeeee!

 

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I’m not sure that’s such a good idea, Tiny tested positive for monkey-pox.

 

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You didn’t tell me that! That would certainly explain my itching. Look at these sores.

 

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Dude, keep that to yourself. I need a rubber glove for my eyes. I guess that’s the fudging you get for the fudging you got!

 

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Oh you are so dead. I’m gonna make a geocache out of you and hide you were even Briansnat can’t find you.

 

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Much like Leatherman, you’re a lot of talk.

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How dare you say it's FRIDAY!! By my count it's the 5th MONDAY of the week!! On top of that, I'm supposed to be on vacation today and should be out seeking a cache - instead it's raining and I'm stuck here at work waiting for an irate customer to call me back to yell at me some more! So let the flames begin ....... It definately IS NOT FRIDAY!!

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How about some geocaching impersonations I've been working on?

 

John Wayne: I'm not gonna get that cache. I'm not gonna get that cache. Like hell I'm not!

 

Richard Nixon: I am not a cacher!

 

George W. Bush: Gee Pee what?

 

Gerald Ford: Oops! Oof! Owww!

 

Zombie from "Night of the Living Dead": Send more batteries!

 

There! I hope you enjoyed that. I've got tons more, but they lose a lot by typing them.

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Pretty dang scary. Many moons ago, I worked as a shipping clerk for a major warehouse/grocery chain. They had computers in their trucks that would record all types of info (called them 'black boxes') such as speed, time stopped, sudden stops, etc. This info was downloaded to a computer and used against the drivers during their merit pay reviews. Off topic? Dang right! Pertinent info? Hell no. Interesting? Doubtful.

 

Bored out of my mind waiting for the next winter storm that's supposed to hit in 3 hours? YUPPERS!!!!!!!! Oops...fell asleep at the keyboard....

Edited by Moun10Bike
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Hi kids, I’m Smokey Bear, and during the rainy season I like to educate everyone on things other than fire. Today I’d like to talk to you about a new and dangerous activity known as geocaching.

 

With me today to discuss this dilemma is famous home remodeling star, Bob Vila. Hi Bob!

 

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Hi Smokey! Please tell me and all the folks about the dangers of this geocaching.

 

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OK Bob, but first let me explain a little about what geocaching is. The treacherous game of geocaching was started by some innocently misguided folks in the Pacific Northwest. They meant well, but like most low intelligence geeks, they were not very dangerous until someone came along to organize them. The geocaching kingpin is Jeremy Irish. Mr. Irish started a website devoted to the hazardous activity.

 

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Gosh golly Smokey! How do these knuckleheads play this?

 

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They hide little boxes in the forests; these boxes contain things like crank, smack, doobies, knives, and even guns. To make matters worse, they walk through the forests looking for the boxes, and in doing so, trample little plants! They are also reported to climb trees, walk off the paths, and even break branches!

 

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Wait a minute Smokey; don’t you and all your forest friends do all those things? Don’t you even crap out there?

 

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Shut up Bob. You see, all this is a cover for their real intent, the destruction of the forests! You see, Jeremy is really a terrorist. He has hypnotized innocent Americans through his website to engage in this hobby for the purpose of trampling the forests flat. Once the forests are gone, they will claim there’s a cache hidden in my hindquarters. They’ll kill Smokey to get to it too. We have to stop these geocachers, we have to stop Jeremy. Only you can prevent geocaching! Only you can prevent the anal violation of Smokey!

 

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Come here Smokey, let me have a look……

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It is important as an Admin and Moderator that we keep criminal amused.

At the risk of being OT I submit the following.

 

hat do they call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

 

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a

fireplace?

Krisp Kringle

 

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners

the most?

"Rude"olph

 

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?

Deery Queen

 

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while

sliding down a

chimney?

Santa Claus-trophbia

 

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess

bragging about

their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

 

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Fleece Navidad

 

What do you get when you cross an archer with a

gift-wrapper?

Ribbonhood

 

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

 

How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?

Feliz Navidog

 

 

Forgive me KA for I know not what I do

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