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Being ignored is a kind of bullying


looseyoga

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I fell out with my ex in a very public way. I felt completely betrayed and deceived by him, and subsequently underwent therapy. He didn't seem to notice. He's with someone else now (that was the reason we broke up) and still geocaches a lot, but I left another society in order not to have the humiliation of meeting them, and decided to continue geocaching, because I like it. I don't love it. I don't do it obsessively, but I do like finding caches, and I do like the places it takes me to. I cache on my own. I don't go to events because I don't want to meet this couple. I don't have many friends on geocaching. It's been pretty much a solitary activity for me. But when I ask for help now from local geocachers, I get no response. I feel this is unfair. I've suffered enough. I just want to get on with my life. Everyone else raves about what a wonderful community it is. That's not my experience but I don't expect to be treated with contempt. I've had enough of that. Is there anything I can do? 

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17 minutes ago, looseyoga said:

I fell out with my ex in a very public way. I felt completely betrayed and deceived by him, and subsequently underwent therapy. He didn't seem to notice. He's with someone else now (that was the reason we broke up) and still geocaches a lot, but I left another society in order not to have the humiliation of meeting them, and decided to continue geocaching, because I like it. I don't love it. I don't do it obsessively, but I do like finding caches, and I do like the places it takes me to. I cache on my own. I don't go to events because I don't want to meet this couple. I don't have many friends on geocaching. It's been pretty much a solitary activity for me. But when I ask for help now from local geocachers, I get no response. I feel this is unfair. I've suffered enough. I just want to get on with my life. Everyone else raves about what a wonderful community it is. That's not my experience but I don't expect to be treated with contempt. I've had enough of that. Is there anything I can do? 

Change your trailname.

Or open up a new account with a different name. Start fresh. No connection to your ex.

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I understand your frustration and loneliness. I have not experienced the same difficult separation from my husband; but I can say my husband is always busy with work, going out with his guy friends, or watching sports on television. He is never interested in any of my activities and hobbies. I also have nobody with whom to go geocaching (or hiking, bicycling, walking, boating, etc).

Everyone always suggests that we go to geocaching events to meet other cachers in the area. You mentioned that you were concerned you might see your ex there. As for myself, I tried going to a couple geocaching events in order to meet other cachers; but I'm a pretty quiet person and it's hard for me to just walk into a group of strangers and start a conversation. I met a few people who politely said "Hello", and one nice cacher even took the time to explain a little bit about how to acquire permission from local city governments to hide my own caches in a park. But soon other people arrived. I got ignored and the conversations turned toward old stories and "inside jokes"  which only people who had been around for a long time would know. I can't fault them for being close friends with each other; but I certainly didn't fit in with their little group.

Like you, I typically cache alone. I am unable to search for any of the more interesting or remote caches, or the ones way out on the hiking trails, mountains, or forests because I know it's silly and dangerous to go to those places alone. Even if I'm strong and healthy, if I were to twist my ankle, take a wrong turn or my car got a flat tire out on a distant dirt road, I'd be out there lost all alone. So I'm stuck searching only for the simple, sometimes boring urban caches that are in my town. I've tried to invite family members or neighbors to go geocaching with me. They never seem interested.

I guess I don't have a really helpful suggestion for you to help you find any friends in your area - since I can't find any for myself! It's too bad we live so far away from each other. However: Once I was in a craft store looking for supplies to make little handmade gifts to leave inside of the geocaches I find. I met another lady who was also buying beads. She asked me what I was making, and when I told her it was for geocaching, she said she likes to geocache also. So we got together one time and went geocaching; but unfortunately she moved away a few months later. So maybe craft stores are a good place to meet geocachers?

 

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1 hour ago, CascadeHandmade said:

Like you, I typically cache alone. I am unable to search for any of the more interesting or remote caches, or the ones way out on the hiking trails, mountains, or forests because I know it's silly and dangerous to go to those places alone. Even if I'm strong and healthy, if I were to twist my ankle, take a wrong turn or my car got a flat tire out on a distant dirt road, I'd be out there lost all alone. So I'm stuck searching only for the simple, sometimes boring urban caches that are in my town. I've tried to invite family members or neighbors to go geocaching with me. They never seem interested.

Just my take on this, but in this day and age that mightn't necessarily be a problem. I often go caching alone in remote areas but I do take precautions in case something goes wrong. Firstly, I let friends know what I'm up to, usually by posting my intentions on Facebook, so they know to raise the alarm if I haven't posted anything more by day's end, and I carry both a phone (if there's phone coverage in the area) and a Personal Locator Beacon - these are quite inexpensive now and with inbuilt GPS receivers they can send the rescuers straight to you. In more remote places you could also let the local police or park rangers know your intended route and estimated time of return - in the mountainous regions here they're always encouraging hikers to do that.

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On 10/8/2017 at 3:13 PM, looseyoga said:

I feel this is unfair. I've suffered enough. I just want to get on with my life.

I stopped reading and caring after this statement. You want to get on with your life but you're sitting here stewing about fairness and suffering. Sounds to me like you don't intend to get on with your life. Sorry, but the truth is brutal.

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Similar to the last two posts, if one really wants to "get on with their life", I wouldn't think they'd center on the same personal problem in what's now the second thread on the subject.

Curious if the OP has shared their feelings with locals, and rather than not responding out of "contempt", maybe they simply don't want to get involved in what's normally a personal matter, or steering away due to other issues.    :)

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On 10/8/2017 at 1:13 PM, looseyoga said:

I fell out with my ex in a very public way. I felt completely betrayed and deceived by him, and subsequently underwent therapy. He didn't seem to notice. He's with someone else now (that was the reason we broke up) and still geocaches a lot, but I left another society in order not to have the humiliation of meeting them, and decided to continue geocaching, because I like it. I don't love it. I don't do it obsessively, but I do like finding caches, and I do like the places it takes me to. I cache on my own. I don't go to events because I don't want to meet this couple.

Sorry that you experienced this. It happens every day, all over the world, but it's never easy.

 

On 10/8/2017 at 1:13 PM, looseyoga said:

I don't have many friends on geocaching. It's been pretty much a solitary activity for me. But when I ask for help now from local geocachers, I get no response. I feel this is unfair. I've suffered enough. I just want to get on with my life.

What type of "help" are you asking for?  Help with solving a puzzle cache, with using your GPSr, with getting a hint on finding a cache?  I'm don't see a lack of response as being "unfair".  It happens.  Maybe they don't want to give hints OR simply don't want to spend time helping someone else OR they haven't checked their email/message OR they simply forgot about your message. There's no requirement for them to assist other cachers. It's not about being fair or unfair, unless you know they are treating you differently than they treat anyone else.

If the "help" you have asked for is of a personal nature, rather than about geocaching, then I'm not at all surprised that you get no response.  Why would other cachers that are not already friends want to get involved in your personal life and relationship issues?

 

On 10/8/2017 at 1:13 PM, looseyoga said:

Everyone else raves about what a wonderful community it is. That's not my experience but I don't expect to be treated with contempt. I've had enough of that. Is there anything I can do? 

Not clear how you have been "treated with contempt"?  You said that you got "no response", so how is that contemptuous?

 

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I can't see this happening in our area and the group of cachers I know.  If you sent me a question about a cache I would definitely respond.  I wouldn't care if you were once a team and are now on your own.  You are still a cacher and if it is a question about a cache I would respond.

  Maybe it is a way you are asking or something.  I agree if you haven't already you need to make your own account.  If you still have access to the joint account and it is the one I am looking at with only 200+ finds you could go threw and log the ones you were at and found.  It might be a little awkward if you are asking using the joint account name.  Once on your own I think everyone would treat you as just another cacher.

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On 10/8/2017 at 4:13 PM, looseyoga said:

I fell out with my ex in a very public way. I felt completely betrayed and deceived by him, and subsequently underwent therapy. He didn't seem to notice. 

 

I'm not sure about what you did in a very public way as you state, but I'm sure it's why you are being ignored by the local community.

For me, geocaching is a solo activity and I do not enjoy geocaching events or group caching.

From what I gather from your post, there is an ongoing domestic problem and others are wise to not get involved is why they are ignoring you. They know the facts, we don't.

My advice is to forget about them and move on.

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On 10/8/2017 at 1:13 PM, looseyoga said:

 He didn't seem to notice. 

I left another society in order not to have the humiliation of meeting them I cache on my own.

I don't go to events because I don't want to meet this couple. I don't have many friends on geocaching.

I get no response.

I feel this is unfair.

I've suffered enough.

I just want to get on with my life.

Everyone else raves about what a wonderful community it is. That's not my experience but I don't expect to be treated with contempt. I've had enough of that. Is there anything I can do? 

Well, quit complaining would be a good start. 

You cache alone, you don't go to events. I suspect the local cachers feel you think you're too good for them. By the time you got around to asking for help, they had developed the idea of "meh". That's their choice. Whether you think it's unfair or not is irrelevant.Life isn't fair. It generally stops being fair at about 5, when you start school.

Suffered?? I don't see how the local cachers made you suffer. 

Get on with your life. You have said that caching isn't a major thing for you. Go find something else that is. Join a book club, take up Hashing. Make changes that you can control.

Believe me, they haven't treated you with contempt. That's way more serious that not getting answers to questions.

Being ignored is not being bullied, so put down that crutch. Being ignored is usually the result of ignoring someone else.

Edited by Shop99er
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18 hours ago, narcissa said:

Start a fresh account and stop airing your dirty laundry with fellow geocachers unless they are close friends. This is a game. It's supposed to be fun. Nobody wants to be put in a position where they feel they are taking sides with acquaintances. Breakups can suck, but you need to find a more appropriate outlet for dealing with your personal issues.

I agree with this. Also, look at it from the community perspective. Here they have two friends that are no longer together. I'm sure everyone around you is feeling just as awkward as you. They don't know what to do either. 

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On 10/11/2017 at 1:55 PM, narcissa said:

Start a fresh account and stop airing your dirty laundry with fellow geocachers unless they are close friends. This is a game. It's supposed to be fun. Nobody wants to be put in a position where they feel they are taking sides with acquaintances. Breakups can suck, but you need to find a more appropriate outlet for dealing with your personal issues.

 

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