I've lost my way.....

[+StarBrand]

I've always Geocached to spend time with my family as a way to have fun with them and be with them.

 

My wife wants me to change virtually everything about me or she is leaving with the kids. Long complex story with no winners. She never mentioned caching.

 

I thought I would go out Geocaching to help clear my head and reflect on this and all I did was end up crying and missing "the good times". No fun at all. I've lost my will to cache completely if they will not be with me to hunt them.

 

Keep your families close.

 

I've got to see if I can find my way again.

[hoosier guy]

Sounds like you have a lot to sort out. Get some help for you and your wife to talk though what has happened where to go from here. I'll be praying for your family.

[mac367]

Take the time to sort things out with your wife and family. Geocaching will be there for you when the time is right. My first summer caching was a fantastic time with my son. We did a bunch together and I valued the time we spent together. Well as many teenagers do, we drifted farther apart than I would have liked, I cached very little the last 2 years because I missed caching with him, it just wasn't the same or as much fun. I started doing a few with my daughter last year and that sort of re-kindled the spark a bit. I still miss the time spent with my son and hope one day we can partner up for some more adventures, but now I cache mostly solo when the mood strikes me or if there are some nice hikes involved. I must admit I go back and read some of our logs from that first summer and it brings back fond memories and a tinge of melancholy. He is away at college this fall so my wife and I have a whole new adjustment.

 

Good Luck, Get the help you and your wife need...prayers from here for you.

[+J the Goat]

Starbrand, I feel for you very personally as my divorce is just about to finalize. I'm half a country away, but you can feel free to use me for whatevery help I'm able to give you.

 

That being said, it's a shame for you and everyone involved that your will to cache has been compromised. Family always comes first, and there's nobody worth their salt who will question your temporary or permanent abscence from caching for the betterment of your family. You'll be a loss to the game, but that's a distant consideration. You have my support.

 

Let me say also though, that asking someone to completely change themselves or else tends to be a rather unreasonable request. Your happiness is as important to a healthy relationship as hers, because if you aren't happy then the relationship isn't a complete one.

 

I'll stop my relationship advice there, as I'm sure you have or will be receiving plenty of it from folks who are a lot closer to you personally than I am.

 

As I said above, if you need a sympathetic ear from someone who's recently been in a similar situation, I'm sure you can figure out how to contact me privately.

 

I'm thinking positive thoughts for you, and hope for you the best.

[+Isonzo Karst]

I'll echo part of J the Goat's post, I'm thinking positive thoughts for you, and hope for you and your wife good communication and a positive way forward.

[+cache_test_dummies]

So sorry to hear this, StarBrand.

 

I hope things work out for you.

[ll JK ll]

Even though we're complete strangers I'm sorry to hear about your marital problems.

 

My wife and I have had some rough patches recently and it got as close as it can get to us splitting up....it's a terrible feeling. She thinks geocaching and video games are stupid yet they're things I enjoy. It really sucks when your heart and soul belittles your interests and expects you to be okay with it.

 

My hope for you is that your family can return to the way it used to be, and if that's not in the cards, I hope your spark for geocaching returns soon. Take care.

[+Understandblue]

I'm so, so sorry. I hope things look up for you soon. All my hobbies, including this one, give me such a break from "real life" that I hope soon that returns for you.

[+zack_black]

My wife wants me to change virtually everything about me...

 

Why is it that the women in our lives always assume that WE are to blame and that WE need to change...

 

...honestly the last time a woman said "ether YOU change or I'M leaving" I warned her not to let the door hit her *cough* on her way out...

[+geocat_]

Will be prayin' for you. Hope things work out for you and everyone dear to you.

[jholly]

Hope things work out, I know it is rough, been there, done that. But more recently in trying to work out a family problem the family consular said something that has made life better for me. His advice is you have to do what is right for you. Best advice I ever got.

[+The_Incredibles_]

Hope you can work through your troubles. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[+DadOf6Furrballs]

Wow. I'm very sorry to hear that. If you find yourself north of the border and want to get together and just talk, you know how to find me.

[+Too Tall John]

Someone else said it already, but it bears repeating:

 

Get Help.

 

A marriage counselor will help both you and your wife find some middle ground. An objective eye and sympathetic ears will help both of you in this time of crisis.

 

If not for you, then for the kids.

 

In the meantime, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

By the way, I've found that getting out in the woods for a good cry to be rather therapeutic. I had a major change in my employment situation a while back. Went for a hike & cried almost the whole way. Found a great place to hide a cache, too...

[+jellis]

I am sorry for you. And I hope you two can work it out. I have in my area seen many stories where the cacher totally gave up caching to save their marriages. If you really want to save it then it is for the best. If it doesn't work out, as someone mentioned, geocaching is still here for you. You can adopt out your caches and coins to a trusted friend and if you come back you can get them back.

[+terrkan78]

I find the woods to be a healing place. Good for introspection, and a good place to go through the painful process of finding one's way.

 

I hope your wife will participate in counseling - a demand of that nature exposes her own issues.

 

I wish you well on this.

[+TheAlabamaRambler]

Bummer about the family strife, I have no answers for that, but I do know that such issues brings on (or exacerbates) depression. When you are depressed you don't enjoy things that used to make you happy. Go caching if you feel like it, or let it go for a while. When your situation resolves itself, and one way or the other it will, the depression will lighten up and you will enjoy caching again.

 

When you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!

[+OZ2CPU]

I can only enjoy geocaching if my wife thinks it is a good idea,

sometimes I know I am a little bit too much this and that,

but other times just right at alot of things.

COMMUNICATION is the key.

and a little bit of feeling of what others need too,

like take ONE kid with you a few hrs to play or geocache,

while wife do what she like with the other kid,

now it is all quiet and nice, no kids fights, remember to swap,

and do stuff together too, not only caching offcourse..

I am sorry to say this, but if all you do is wrong,

and you need to change it all..

ask a few really close friends, are you really that bad ?

or she just dont like you anymore, no matter what you do.

ask her too, dont interrupt, let her TALK.. as much as she feel she need,

LISTEN, but only comment if she ask you too.. and newer ever interrupt !!

 

and .. good luck there..

[+St.Matthew]

Unless it is costing your family time or money, or is somehow otherwise detrimental, any spouse that prevents you from at least being a casual cacher is being unfair. The simple fact is that people have hobbies and interests. In the end, you and your spouse will have to decide what is best, what is worth it, and how much you are invested in each other.

[+OZ2CPU]

Sure Matthew, I dont comment on this particular case since I dont know it..

but generally speaking :

SOME hobies, and geocaching too...

can drive spouses nuts,

a hobby is good, outdoor activity good, stuff to do with kids and wife good..

but if it gets out of controll,

it is not cool for the other halfe.

 

you most likely heard of,

or even know some geocachers who got into the out of controll kind of level ?

Sorry StarBrand, I dont like you to feel it is you I talk about here,

your stats show you are far from the too much level, you can not possible drive anyone nuts

with the number of cache trips you do :-)

[Clan Riffster]

I've found that getting out in the woods for a good cry to be rather therapeutic.

Words of wisdom.

StarBrand, like many, I'll opt out of offering marriage advice.

I will, however, keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace be unto you.

[+Sol seaker]

((((((HUGS))))))

 

I am so sorry for this rough time you're going through.

I am really worried about you. Losing your interest in things you love is a big sign of depression. It is hard to work on relationships if you sink too far down into that..

I just recently went through that. I couldn't do much for the relationship as long as I was so depressed but I was depressed because of relationship problems.

 

I don't believe in antidepressants. There is a lot of help out there.

Good friends are most important. Lots of friends.

I'm glad you are reaching out to us.

Keep reaching out to friends. Talk to people every single day, whether you feel like it or not. (Phone or in person)

Hang in there. We care.

[+St.Matthew]

but generally speaking :

SOME hobies, and geocaching too...

can drive spouses nuts,

a hobby is good, outdoor activity good, stuff to do with kids and wife good..

but if it gets out of controll,

it is not cool for the other halfe.

 

I agree, which is why I qualified my statement with "unless it is costing your family time or money, or is somehow otherwise detrimental."

[Mr.Yuck]

but generally speaking :

SOME hobies, and geocaching too...

can drive spouses nuts,

a hobby is good, outdoor activity good, stuff to do with kids and wife good..

but if it gets out of controll,

it is not cool for the other halfe.

 

I agree, which is why I qualified my statement with "unless it is costing your family time or money, or is somehow otherwise detrimental."

 

Starbrand said that his wife did not mention Geocaching. Either way, this thread was posted on Labor Day, and I totally missed it. Best of luck to Starbrand, hope he is doing well with the situation 3 weeks later.