Jump to content

Addictive Behavior


Followers 4

Recommended Posts

I'm wondering where you were when this happened....23 miles is VERY far and must have taken him a LOOONG time....when did you notice he was gone?

 

twenty-three miles is easily ridden in an hour and a half.

 

Depends on the terrain and the bike. I can get a lot further on paved roads with a road bike than I can on trails with my mountain bike.

Link to comment

Flask, don't forget the cache he found and logged BEFORE he set out on the second adventure... 23 miles on paved road or a cycle path does not take long, but 23 miles on a mixture of road surfaces, plus searching for two caches, would have him out of the house for at least half a day.

 

ChaseOnTheGo, I wondered the same thing: where were the parents during this time? Were they even at home? If so, did they notice his absence when he was absent, or did they just hit the roof when their son proudly told of his exploits? It sounds to me like this lad was just enjoying some freedom and independence. If he had asked permission I wonder if his parents would have let him go?

 

It's clear to me the parents have instilled a healthy sense of self-worth into this young man - he had enough confidence in his own abilities and in his safety-net at home (his launch pad into the world) to give this adventure a go.

 

To the OPs, a parent's duty is to shape the child's spirit without breaking the child's will - sage advice during these critical teenage years. Fine tuning him to show consideration for others, to understand the cause and effects of certain actions, are part of the parenting and learning processes; you will find yourselves sorely tested during these "whitewater rafting" (teenage) years. I don't think punishment is necessary here, but I do think sitting down to talk and reason through this is necessary. Right now it's important to keep the communication lines open with him. Your lad is growing into a young man now and it sounds like he's a young man you can rightly feel proud of.

Link to comment

I'm wondering where you were when this happened....23 miles is VERY far and must have taken him a LOOONG time....when did you notice he was gone?

 

in the summer I have biked up to 200 kilometers (124.3 miles) in 5 to 6 hours and that was when I was 16. maybe you should see if your son wants to try cycling for a sport. To do 23 miles at 14 is great and have no coach to tell you to do that, That is Great!!!!! Although I do agree that he should have told you he was going. and hopefully he brought a cell phone in case anything goes wrong. so I guess you just have to tell him to let you know next time and make sure he is on safe roads because I have encountered some weird drivers on some back roads.

Link to comment

I am 0ver 70 and have biked for 60 years. I have a unicycle, a ten speed, a tandom, a reproduction of the "penny farthing" and have ridden 200 miles on a week end. I always wear a helmit and have had many ocassions that I was glad that I had my "brain bucket" on. P.S. I am a psyc nurse and have taken care of brain injured pts. (not fun).

Link to comment
To the OPs, a parent's duty is to shape the child's spirit without breaking the child's will - sage advice during these critical teenage years. Fine tuning him to show consideration for others, to understand the cause and effects of certain actions, are part of the parenting and learning processes; you will find yourselves sorely tested during these "whitewater rafting" (teenage) years. I don't think punishment is necessary here, but I do think sitting down to talk and reason through this is necessary. Right now it's important to keep the communication lines open with him. Your lad is growing into a young man now and it sounds like he's a young man you can rightly feel proud of.

 

Agreed. It's important to get them communicating with you habitually -- and thinking about risk management habitually -- before they become omniscient and immortal. ; )

Link to comment

A few things I have to say here.

 

A 13 year old is capable of taking care of themselves if their maturity level is where it should be.

A 13 year old thinks they know everything and anything they don't know, they will know as soon as the injuries heal.

A 13 year old has way too many options that they could use to occupy their free time and sense of adventure.

A 13 year old is not going to be happy with arbitrary rules that "make no sense" to them.

 

I saw a few posts that asked "where are the parents" when the 13 year old was off on his adventure. The simple answer is "does it matter?". A 13 year old is allowed to be left home unsupervised in every state in the USA. Asking where the parents were is akin to saying a 13 year old isn't capable of taking care of themself which, as I indicated above is completely absurd.

 

This child was able to set out a plan to accomplish a task. He gathered the tools needed for the task and set out to complete it. He then accomplished the task successfully. What's the problem?

 

Sure, something could have gone wrong. Sure, the parents would have felt better if they had been aware of the plan. Sure we could hypothesize, in hindsight, what could have gone wrong. But why? What is to be accomplished by all of this? Nothing.

Use the experience as a learning tool. Teach the young man what was "most likely" going to be primary dangers with the plan as it was. Explain flat tires, accidents, broken glass, traffic, ner-do-wells and then ask that he leaves a flight plan next time. That is the "proper" way to handle a situation with a 13 year old.

There is no inherit danger in a 13 year old taking his bike on a 23 mile bike ride. There is a danger in overreacting to the situation.

 

Now, my stories.

 

When I was 9 years old, I was given a paper route. The paper route took me over 4 miles from my home, and through a railroad tunnel to get the job done. I did it for many months, all on my bike. I only had one problem with older neighbor thugs but my parents urged me to learn from the lesson.

 

When I was 11, one day my school didn't have class on a day when all other schools did. I decided I wanted to visit my old friends in school and prepared a plan for going there. The school was 12 miles away. I took my dads map and figured out a general route and then set out at 6AM to get there by 8 when all the kids would be showing up for school. No, I didn't tell my parents. I had no water, no phone, no money, no helmet, no food. Only a lunch ticket that was good in the entire school district.

I rode through a particularly bad part of town on a particularly expensive bicycle (a 1969 Schwinn AppleKrate, fully loaded and shined) and did feel threatened at one point but rode on. I felt like I was lost at one point but figured it out and kept going. I spent all day at the old school and then afterwards went to a friends house. Nobody knew I didn't have permission. Finally around 7 my friends parents made me call home before riding home. Then my dad said he would rather come get me. I never got in trouble for the day trip and my parents didn't have a clue I was 12 miles away until I called. It was not uncommon for us kids to be gone all day.

When I was 13, my parents started on a nasty divorce. My dad was someone who was going through a midlife crisis and my mother moved away with my sisters. I would go for over a week at a shot with no parents around. I had no phone at home and managed to take care of myself, getting to school on time, keeping myself out of trouble, etc. I was pretty much alone to take care of myself for about 5 months, seeing my dad about 10 times the whole summer.

 

My point is that kids are able to take care of themselves much earlier than some would like to believe. Kids are resilient and creative and smarter than we think, if given a chance. Keeping children "safe" can sometimes stifle personal growth. Giving them too much room can be a pathway to danger but not necessarily a horrible thing. A 13 year old is capable of taking care of themselves. In fact, it was quite normal 150 or so years ago, for a 13 year old to set off on their own into the world. It's only "society" that dictates a 13 year old as a child. In nature, a 13 year old is an adult and fully capable of reproduction and genetically programmed with the basic knowledge needed to survive and, yes, even thrive.

 

I am not appalled by this young mans actions. I applaud him with the caveat that he should have told his parents (just to make them feel warm and fuzzy) and to be a little more prepared next time.

I would ask the parents to applaud their son for a successful rite of passage and prepare him for his next one. There WILL be a next one!!

Link to comment

As the parent of a 15 year old...

 

Please stress to your son that you are glad that his trip was safe...

 

THEN remind him that it is not truely safe for anyone (at any age) to go on an adventure alone without someone knowing where they are, when they will return. Help him with the means to stay in touch (cell phone?). Provide him with a water bottle or camel backpack, easy to carry appropriate snacks. Work with him on road safety including helmet use. Do all of the above in a calm manner and speak to him as though he understands what you are saying. Anger will only breed more anger.

 

I find that laying out my expectations clearly helps.

 

I only wish my 15 yr old would get on a bike for a 1 mile ride, much less 23!

 

Best of luck to you!

Link to comment

Hug him. Thank God he is safe.

 

Explain to him that caching is fun and exercise is great and passion towards a goal is a good thing. Then explain to him the hazards of not telling anybody where is going/why and how long he expects to be gone. Remind him that as long as he lives at home - he MUST get permission for just about everything he does. Withhold his allowance for a week (or whatever is standard *mild screwup* punishment in your house). Only way to re-enforce the lesson. Than talk to him about planning some outings as a family.

 

Pray.

Link to comment

There were some obvious mis-judgments on your son's part here.

 

Good judgment comes from experience,

but...experience comes from bad judgment.

 

I would suggest expressing pride that your son was able to complete his goal without incident, but also explain that a good adventurer always makes provision for support from the home team if needed.

 

This is natural behavior, and careful management is needed to avoid creating an unmanageable rebel, or a milque-toast 'mama's boy'.

 

Sometimes you just have to let them make the mistakes, and then be there to pull them out of the fire.

He will respect you for it. I respect my parents for it.

 

There are a lot of much worse things he could have been experimenting with.

 

23 miles? Your kid rocks! ;)

 

Hey, I went 55 miles, give or take, in two days. On bike. I n the rain for at least half the day saturday. I I went and got caches in the foothills of orem, utah, by the mountains, went down into the city, went to a school, rode to a workplace, went back to the school, and then went west into lidon where it cuts into orem and then back home. The second day, I went to SE provo, to an event, and then around the small area, then back uphill into orem then up provo canyon where it borders with orem on the eastern side up a mile to a mile and a half to a Singles ward or my wrad or stake or multiple stake activity. Then I got a ride home in a friends' car. It was pretty funny. He said he had been used to driving down the canyon so on 800 North he was slowly, and accidently, speeding up to about 50-60 mikles an hour, give or take. Anyhow, tghe first day I think I did 30 miles. The second day I think I id 25 miles. That was a friday and a saturday. Pretty cool, huh? I was dead tired for almost the entire next week, though. But it was worth it. I got 10 or so caches on day 1, and 3-5 on day two. By myself, except for the event, and getting home the second day. Nice, huh? Thanks. Although you can always send him over here to orem, utah. I ride an average of 15 miles a day, although I do less or nmore depending on what I feel like, and and how much I want to do, three to four times a week or more. :P:ph34r::D Anyway, what these guys are saying is pretty good. Not all of itl but some of it, yes. Thanks dfor reading this, I hope you think about it a bit and ahve a great day. gwf :o

Link to comment

I'm wondering where you were when this happened....23 miles is VERY far and must have taken him a LOOONG time....when did you notice he was gone?

 

twenty-three miles is easily ridden in an hour and a half.

 

Depends on what pou are riding, the terrain, the incline, and weather as well as time of year. Oh, and how much you are in shape and if you have done before, and if so, how much and are you used to it, and do you like it? You need to take all of that into considereation, you know. oh, well. Have a great day. gwf :P:ph34r:

Link to comment

I think the kid is totally awesome. A 14yo heading out for a 23-mile ride? Fantastic.

 

Of course, as others have said, emphasize the communications and safety. Helmet -- yeah, I survived childhood without one, would have been seriously injured twice as an adult without it (rode away from the crashes instead). Bicycling skills, sounds like this may be in place already. Additional concerns if he's going places where there might not be anyone passing by for an hour or more -- more planning details, definitely must carry water in this case.

 

Edward

Link to comment

He mounted his bike and went one mile to a cache, found it and them rode home to log the find. Then the real action occured, he all-in-all rode 23.3. miles on back country roads looking for a dang cache. He rode on state highways, main roads, fresh-gravel and chip roads.

 

Our issue, he sees nothing wrong with this and wee need REAL SUPPORT and advice.

 

 

Perhaps it has nothing to do about rebellion, or lack of permission, or anything along those lines. It sounds as if he mounted his bike to ride one mile, found it, and return home? In reality, he rode 23.3 miles on a bike focused on a dang cache?

 

Golly. Sounds like you have a boy with some true backbone, endurance, and ability to focus on a task. We all get task-focused at times; in the corporate $$ making world that's called "dedication." If any of us have never said "I'll be done in 5 minutes" and in truth was still at it hours later, than it is those of us who can cast a stone at this boy.

 

If he indeed did get focused on the task and lost track of his pedaling distance, he may indeed see nothing wrong with it.

 

I'd recommend explaining the parts that really bothered you - pedaling on busy streets, no helmet - and why safety is a "no compromise" with you. Then, get involved with the cache planning with him to ensure he thinks safety. Then, let him go. Better yet, as snoogans keeps suggesting - go WITH HIM and enjoy the quality time.

 

There's some positive points in his adventure (physical activity, determination, goal-oriented behaviors) that you may wish to focus on, be proud of, and then discuss the lack of safety and the importance of keeping caring parents informed. :mad:

Link to comment

I have a few thoughts on this subject:

Just think, in less than 2 years he'll be old enough to drive a car!

Independence is the greatest gift a parent can teach their child.

If you're that worried about him, get him a cell phone.

 

Dealing with teens is tough. I know it; I was there not too long ago. But I can tell you that you'll always get farther with them by staying calm. Don't freak out and get all emotional with them. If that happens you get all irrational and things go nowhere fast.

 

Should he have worn a helmet? Yes. That's the one absolute here. But why didn't he wear the helmet? The only reason I didn't like to wear my helmet when I was a kid was the thing was so darned uncomfortable. When I got one that fit properly I always wore it of my own accord. And the funny thing is that a well fitting helmet is not only more comfortable but it actually does a better job of protecting your head too!

 

He formed an plan, and executed it, all on his own, out in the real world. How cool is that? Your little snowflake showed some real motivation, setting and accomplishing his goals.

 

My advise: Take him out and buy him a hydration pack. Then work with him to identify some of the (probable) things that could have gone wrong, and fill that pack with the tools he would have needed to solve that problem. Start off with some batteries for the gps. Point out the the pack can hold his caching swag too. Maybe a patch kit/pump in case of a flat (point out that having to walk a bike long distances isn't fun). Go from there. Try and impress on him the importance of planning, and how it can work in his favor. Trying to get him to do something "just because I said so" won't work. Try and get him to understand the why instead.

Link to comment

As I see it..............

 

quite simply, the lad looks old enough in some of your photos to need to be testing his boundaries and skills. We all did it, and admittedly some of got slapped down once or twice for our efforts. But getting back up is how we learn.

 

The only problems I see were in the boldface, copied below for the convenience of readers.

 

"(No permission, no call telling Mom or Dad, no note, no helmet while on the bike, no water or drink, and basically NO PLANNING!!)"

 

Junior, you broke the rules. No TV, no leaving house unless school or parent special permission, and the yard needs mowed by 11 am on Saturday. Don't let it happen again! Oh yeah, next time you want to go let's talk over a good plan, and plan it so the old man can go too.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
Followers 4
×
×
  • Create New...