+Sparrowhawk Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 So Garmin now has a Colorado and an Oregon. Hmmmm... this calls for a parody thread. I now live in Nevada, so I will start: The Garmin NEVADA: - Mostly makes a lot of flashing lights and exciting noise, takes your money, leaves you penniless but you still find it fun - Works best in a red-light district How about: The Garmin RHODE ISLAND: - Built kinda like an Ipod Nano. - ??? (there's got to be a better Rhode Island joke somewhere) The Garmin MAINE - custom-made for when yah drahv yah cah to the gee-yah-cahsh The Garmin NEW YORK (brooklyn version) - Hey! HEY! Ya gonna look for that cache already or ya just gonna keep standing there? The Garmin ILLINOIS (chicago version) - shuts down small airports in the middle of the night (my chicago joke sucks, someone come up with a better one) Anyone up for describing other Garmin "models"? Quote Link to comment
+NOV8TR Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin California: 1. Uses the same chipset as the Colorado and HCX series, often misleading the owner into thinking they are some place that they are not. When geocaching this frequently results in the owner muttering, “Asta la vista, baby,, I’ll be baak” (Did that sound like the Governor logging a DNF?) 2. Considered a “terror device” by the Sierra Club because it allows humans to navigate the public forests, where humans should be permanently banned from accessing (even though their tax money supports the maintenance of those lands). Therefore when purchasing this unit an annual permit must be obtained ($1,500). It also contains batteries. All batteries contain come level of toxic material (requiring an annual “recycling fee” of $200). This is now under review by the E.P.A. . This device is also being considered for the ever growing list of “banned assault weapons” (under the chemical clause), also requires a 30 day waiting period (we must be protected from ourselves!). 3. Has spoken navigation instructions in 3 local languages. “Valley Speak”, Gangsta Rap”, & Surfer Slang”. Also with an additional monthly service fee ($700), supports Spanish, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, and several Arabic dialects. English is not supported in the California series if purchased in the “Country” of California (available in all other states). 4. Comes equipped with a free service (no opt outs) that automatically links to all law enforcement agencies to display excessive speed and current location for automatic issuance of speeding tickets, and stop sign “roll thru” violations. 5. Only available in “pastel” colors that comply with politically correct “may not offend anyone” laws. 6. New user interface that does not use numbers or street names (reading and mathematics are not taught in California). A directional arrow and “smiley” or “frowney” faces are the only visual guidance instructions available. Also a new “touchy feely” screen accepts user inputs via internationally recognized icons. 7. Comes equipped with a mirror on the rear surface that allows a person to apply makeup, check hair, and their general appearance at any time (especially convenient while driving and talking on the cell phone). Quote Link to comment
+Renegade Knight Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin California: ---This GPS Device is known to cause cancer--- Garmin Idaho: A GPS with custom programming based on the home state of the user. Routes Californians Back Home. Routes Utahans anywhere but across the Idaho Border. Other States. Works fine. Garmin Mecca ---Only Points to Mecca--- Garmin Fairbanks. ---Routes social misfits to Fairbanks from where ever they may be. Garmin Texas ---Finally A GPS Screen big enough to see--- Garmin NYC ---routes as fast as you talk--- ---optional DOHS Alert Color Level. You still won't know what you should do differently but at least you get different background colors. Garmin Mexico ---Shows the location of border patrol agents--- Garmin Valley Girl Edition. ---an iPhone. They coudln't figure out a GPS anyway--- Garmin Surfer Dude ---automaticly records the location of your wipeouts---- Garmin Hell's Angels Edition ---Black Widow Black. Vibration Proof. Locking mount. Bluetooth/radio enabled so you can actually hear the routing. Garmin Trucker Edition ---Active Speed Trap Matrix Technology--- ---Tire Destruction Alert--- ---Trucker Friendly Rest Area Alert--- Quote Link to comment
+ZSandmann Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin Louisiana: Features: --Mud Proof Housing --Can withstand the pressure of an alligator bite. --Plastic naturally repels mosquitos. --Special button on the back doses a small squirt of Tabasco Sauce on your favorite trail snack. --Includes English / French / Cajun / and "Deep" Cajun dialects. Quote Link to comment
yogazoo Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 (edited) Announcing: The Garmin MONTANA - The Last Best GPSr! - Requires a view of the "Big Sky" for 3 whole days for the internal clock to work right. - Compatible with the Astro's Dog Collar to keep track of livestock. - Collar equiped with a mortality signal to let you know when the cattle are eaten by wolves or bears. - Signal lock prevents Californians from using the MONTANA in Montana, used as a deterrent to keep them from moving here. Feature also works with U-tards (tourists from Utah) Edited July 30, 2008 by yogazoo Quote Link to comment
ryguyMN Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 (edited) Garmin Minnesota: (Here's what I have so far) *"Ok" is replaced with "You betcha'" *Only available with lake maps (400i) *Harness in the back is replaced with a bottle of mosquito repellant. *Built-in traffic receiver for the automotive profile during road construction season. *Features sonar for use with fishing to estimate lake depths. Edited July 30, 2008 by ryguyMN Quote Link to comment
+StarBrand Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 The Garmin WYOMING: Will be the perfect GPS unit - we all know the Colorado has its shortfalls - what you may not realize is that may be because the state of Colorado lies just south of paradise.............. Quote Link to comment
+Crid Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin Alaska. Keeps freezing on you. Sorry, got nothing. Quote Link to comment
jmedlock Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 (edited) The "New Mexico 400t" - these are pretty dumb and won't make sense to very many: 1. It will come in two colors (red or green), and can be eaten in an emergency. 2. After breakfast, it's always time for siesta, so you'll have to wait for a satellite lock "manana" (tomorrow in spanish). 3. No one knows why, but it will contain lots and lots of trinitite so it will glow in the dark. 4. After lunch, it's always time for siesta, so you'll have to wait for a satellite lock "manana" (tomorrow in spanish). 5. Instead of WAAS correctional data, a tinfoil hat will be included to allow your unit to pick up cosmic signals beamed from UFO's that inhabit Roswell. And finally... 6. After dinner, it's always time for siesta, so you'll have to wait for a satellite lock "manana" (tomorrow in spanish). Edited July 30, 2008 by jmedlock Quote Link to comment
+the hermit crabs Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 The Garmin MASSACHUSETTS: - It works perfectly because that's where g-o-cashers lives. Buy yours today! Quote Link to comment
+JetSkier Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin Florida - Keeps recounting your waypoints. - New "Hanging Chad" Icon for geocaches that you're not sure if you found or not! Quote Link to comment
+DENelson83 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Garmin Alberta: Feels like oozy sand and fills your gas tank while you drive. Quote Link to comment
+pokerace Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The Oregon Can get a fix thur trees and more trees Quote Link to comment
+pokerace Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The Oregon Can get a fix thur trees and more trees Quote Link to comment
+StarDoc Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The Garmin North Dakota 400: --Has a built in heater to keep it from freezing solid in winter. --Also includes an anemometer to measure the speed and direction of the constant wind. --Has an extra large display so you can show people where it is when they ask "North Dakota? Isn't that part of Canada?" --Doesn't come in a 400t topo model, because there is no topography to plot. Quote Link to comment
andylphoto Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The Garmin MICHIGAN-Yooper edition: Comes standard with Garmin Construction Navigator and Snowmobile Trail maps. Calendar page counts down to deer season. POI database includes bait shops, pasty shops & fudge shops. Quote Link to comment
+wesleykey Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Garmin ALABAMA: New features include a red neck and a rebel flag icon for found caches. Quote Link to comment
+StarBrand Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Garmin Nebraska: Case is bright red. Includes all the best features of the Oregon, Colorado and 60CSx - sadly the screen is mostly obscured by the rather large big "N" overlaid on it. Quote Link to comment
+HaLiJuSaPa Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Garmin New York (Far Upstate Version) 1) Screen freezes often and then becomes full of "snow" (what they used to sometimes call "static" on TV's). Sometimes this all vanishes after just 5 minutes! 2) Anytime you have it navigate to a waypoint in New York City, it tells you it's a million miles away no matter where you are. 3) "Talking, car navigation upgrade" - If you do #2 above, it also asks why you'd want to go there to begin with..... Quote Link to comment
+TeamGeoduck Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) Garmin Florida: Where the old batteries from the Garmin Ohio go to spend their last two hours of life. In order to be a true Garmin FL, it must have been made in New York. The Garmin FL has the same accent as the Garmin New York, but has a sun burn. The Garmin FL comes with a mouse. Edited July 31, 2008 by TeamGeoduck Quote Link to comment
+roadrage64 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Garmin Michigan Lower Peninsula Edition featuring the new enhanced Pothole Avoidance System (better known as PHAS) Disclaimer: Although the PHAS system is considered a premium feature and will soon be included in all production Garmin Michigan units, beta testing of this feature will not begin until it is available at your local Garmin Authorized Dealer. Quote Link to comment
knowschad Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Minnesota: (Here's what I have so far) *"Ok" is replaced with "You betcha'" *Only available with lake maps (400i) *Harness in the back is replaced with a bottle of mosquito repellant. *Built-in traffic receiver for the automotive profile during road construction season. *Features sonar for use with fishing to estimate lake depths. In spite of all those "features", though... the Garmin Minnesota is really, really NICE! Quote Link to comment
+with.a.twist Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Indiana -- Water proof in case of June 2008 flood like environment -- Tracks over 25 satellites at once while in or near a corn field (which would be 93.5% of the time) -- Has 2 way points you can never delete: The Colts Complex and the Indy500 -- Can not save way points in the unit during the month of May & the Indy500 way point is 8 times larger than anything else on the screen. -- Has a beer count down timer to remind you that you can't buy alcohol on Sunday. Screen flashes every Saturday night at 11:15 PM to remind you of the blue laws. Quote Link to comment
patester24 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 GARMIN Wisconsin: Features- -Shows all lakes of Wisconsin -Shows all Wisconsin trails (paid or not) -Has a moving waypoint named 'BrettFarve08' so you can track his every move even if he's a Chicago Bear (won't work in the Blogo state of Illinois). Not removeable. -Also shows Matt Kenseth's Wisc. home so all Gordon fans can come trash his home. Quote Link to comment
+BlueDeuce Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Iowa: Knows exactly what brand of seed you planted and your plat. (No really, it does) Major POIs are local Gas stations/Convenience Stores to sit and drink coffee. Special button for SCOB (Seed Cap Over-board) to mark where you lost your hat while driving the tractor. Auto-routing never gives the name the of road, just local reference points. Quote Link to comment
+with.a.twist Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 -Has a moving waypoint named 'BrettFarve08' so you can track his every move even if he's a Chicago Bear (won't work in the Blogo state of Illinois). Not removeable. Ha! Quote Link to comment
CLV3 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 The Garmin MAINE - custom-made for when yah drahv yah cah to the gee-yah-cahsh And with the Garmin Maine, you CAN get there from here! Oh and we don't all talk like the mainers in a bad made for tv King movie. Quote Link to comment
+MountainRacer Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 (edited) The Garmin NEW JERSEY: -Is equipped with a speaker that is astonishingly loud despite its small size. -Has automatic routing, but will refuse to operate if the desired route leads to the shore from a starting point anywhere north of Rt. 22. -Is rumored to have defective battery containment which leaks carcinogens, although that was only a single batch produced long ago. -Was purposely designed to be too large to fit in any pocket, to avoid the appearance of a concealed weapon. -Has an ugly but valid reputation for data corruption. -Comes with a steel-tipped stylus, "just in case". -Will not function in Bergen County on Sundays. Edited August 1, 2008 by MountainRacer Quote Link to comment
+storm180 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin World 10000 1) Futuristic interface to show a heads up display which shows your surrounding computer generated. Incorprated Night vision for the night caches also. 2) Auto Cache detector on HUD it will search area for caches and pinpoint with red targeting circle. 3) Virtually control screen by touching virtual buttons in your field of view. 4) Muggle Detection routine which will scan area for muggles and if one gets to close it will auto-cloak you. 5) Optional brain stem jack to hook into your brain so you do not need the goggles and things will be displayed normally through your eyes. (brain stem port required not included in purchase) (Please consult your doctor prior to installing brain stem port) Quote Link to comment
+rich731 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Pennsylvania - Only a handful of the streets are labeled - Streets that are labeled often have more than one name Quote Link to comment
+TeamGeoduck Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Florida: Only 10% of the parts are native Florida Parts, the other 90% are old parts from other Garmin States GPSrs. Quote Link to comment
Neo_Geo Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 (edited) Garmin West Virginia: 1. Robert C. Byrd edition (because EVERYTHING in WV is named after him) 2. Built-in compass (if it works, your trailer is level) 3. Links to birth records database (so you know if you're caching with your daddy, uncle or both) 4. Dog tracking system (like the Astro) 5. Works with Topo maps ONLY! 6. MP3 player which only plays John Denver's "Country Roads" Edited August 1, 2008 by Neo_Geo Quote Link to comment
+TeamGeoduck Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Garmin Washington: Built in windshield wiper. Quote Link to comment
+Rubberhead Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Garmin Alaska. Keeps freezing on you. Sorry, got nothing. Don't apologize - that's the best one yet... Quote Link to comment
+Codfish116 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 The Garmin North Dakota 400: --Has a built in heater to keep it from freezing solid in winter. --Also includes an anemometer to measure the speed and direction of the constant wind. --Has an extra large display so you can show people where it is when they ask "North Dakota? Isn't that part of Canada?" --Doesn't come in a 400t topo model, because there is no topography to plot. Don't forget: --Every tree in the state is preloaded as a POI (Yes, all five of them!) --Distance measured in units of time. --Not available in North Dakota until two years after it comes out everywhere else Quote Link to comment
Wolfepack215 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Garmin Florida: Where the old batteries from the Garmin Ohio go to spend their last two hours of life. In order to be a true Garmin FL, it must have been made in New York. The Garmin FL has the same accent as the Garmin New York, but has a sun burn. The Garmin FL comes with a mouse. Has a flashing yellow light that blinks for hours after you have changed course to the right. Will continue to blink until another Fl. GPSr is near and blinks to it to stop blinking. has a built in feature that forces the user to slow down and look from left to right to left to right and then over their shoulder as they pass their waypoint. Also, in addition to above, may cause the user to stop in the middle of the road, without warning. comes with sand in it whether you want it or not. Can locate all interstate exits where Indian River Citrus is available or for shipping. Quote Link to comment
+TeamGeoduck Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Garmin Florida: Where the old batteries from the Garmin Ohio go to spend their last two hours of life. In order to be a true Garmin FL, it must have been made in New York. The Garmin FL has the same accent as the Garmin New York, but has a sun burn. The Garmin FL comes with a mouse. Has a flashing yellow light that blinks for hours after you have changed course to the right. Will continue to blink until another Fl. GPSr is near and blinks to it to stop blinking. has a built in feature that forces the user to slow down and look from left to right to left to right and then over their shoulder as they pass their waypoint. Also, in addition to above, may cause the user to stop in the middle of the road, without warning. comes with sand in it whether you want it or not. Can locate all interstate exits where Indian River Citrus is available or for shipping. Comes with built in POIs that displays all exits that have discount theme park tickets and that have 10 for $3 Florida T-shirts. The Garmin Florida also has a page dedicated to let you know how many miles/exits you have until you reach Cafe Risque. Quote Link to comment
+Blind Avocado Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 The Garmin California: If you are using a hydration pack, it will sue you to not drink from it. Will not route to a cache unless it has a completed environmental impact report. It will randomly shake. Is powered by a built in windmill. Quote Link to comment
+GOT GPS? Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Garmin Texas GPS: Always in search mode for OIL If your are trying to search for a geocache, it will first search for OIL. Whenever it finds OIL, it checks its database of POI, then reports the find, to the Big Oil companies. Whenever there is a stolen OIL truck, all the Garmin Texas GPS units will be in search mode for the stolen truck, then report it if it is nearby, so even if the truck is repainted and the plates changed, the thief can not get away. Whenever you buy some texas oil, the GPS can transact a discount via your credit card. 10,000 Texas OIL Waypoints 200 geocache waypoints 1,000,000 tracklog points, but only work in the OIL Search Mode. Quote Link to comment
+HaLiJuSaPa Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 (edited) Garmin Alaska. Keeps freezing on you. Sorry, got nothing. Don't apologize - that's the best one yet... It even kind of "inspired" the version I came up with in my entry. Another one.....(totally unrelated) Garmin CONNECTICUT 1) If you're on I-95/Merritt Parkway or the navigation involves these roads, the GPS becomes very slow most of the time, sometimes getting "stuck". 2) If you want to navigate to New York, it wants you to stay in Connecticut. The talking version for the car extols the benefits of such. If you're in NY, it wants you to come to CT and stay there. 3) While in or navigating to the southwestern part of the state, it costs a lot more in battery power than elsewhere/other times. 4) GPS can't tell whether it's in the NY metropolitan area or the New England region. Edited August 2, 2008 by HaLiJuSaPa Quote Link to comment
+Rubberhead Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 (edited) Garmin South Carolina 1) Comes only in Deer Hunter Orange 2) Waypoint database consists only of Wal-Marts and Bar-B-Que joints 3) The United States is a single waypoint to help find the US on the world map.4) Comes with a miniature concrete block as a dash mount 5) Automatically reminds the owner when it's time to re-apply for workman's comp. 6) Used to be called the Garmin New York or the Garmin Ohio Edited August 2, 2008 by Rubberhead Quote Link to comment
anethema Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 In a bit different vein but.. Introducing the new garmins!: The Nuvi 105 The Nuvi 115 The Nuvi 155 The Nuvi 405 The Nuvi 495 The Nuvi 510 The Nuvi 985 The Nuvi 995 ... ... ... ... .. ... ... ... <hours later> And the Nuvi 9605!! We will of course not be discontinuing any old models. Quote Link to comment
+TeamGeoduck Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 It even kind of "inspired" the version I came up with in my entry. Another one.....(totally unrelated) Garmin CONNECTICUT 1) If you're on I-95/Merritt Parkway or the navigation involves these roads, the GPS becomes very slow most of the time, sometimes getting "stuck". 2) If you want to navigate to New York, it wants you to stay in Connecticut. The talking version for the car extols the benefits of such. If you're in NY, it wants you to come to CT and stay there. 3) While in or navigating to the southwestern part of the state, it costs a lot more in battery power than elsewhere/other times. 4) GPS can't tell whether it's in the NY metropolitan area or the New England region. Garmin Connecticut: Must be a member of "skull and crossbones" to buy this model. Quote Link to comment
+DocDiTTo Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 The Garmin NEW JERSEY - Only auto-routes when you're driving in the passing lane of any highway, regardless of speed - Requires that an employee of the store where you bought new batteries replace them for you - Comes in two models, one of them is almost indistinguishable from the Garmin New York, the other is a little more user friendly. The Garmin PENNSYLVANIA - Marketed as the Garmin Pee-Ay, never referred to by its full name - Has an Amish mode that will route you over roads suitable for a horse & buggy - Real-time downloading of pothole locations to warn you about them - Automatically changes to "unpaved road" mode when taken north of Interstate 80 Quote Link to comment
+wimseyguy Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Garmin North Carolina: Only available in Red, two shades of Blue and of course--camo. Never works on the first Monday after hunting season begins. Quote Link to comment
+JBnW Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Garmin Kansas 100 - Topographical display not needed (for obvious reasons) - Windspeed and Direction mode (Hard from the North in Winter, Hard from the South in Summer) - All roads displayed in 1-mile squares, N-S and E-W (wait, that's actually true! ) - Autolink to show location of tornados - Autolink to show locations of cattle in road - Waypoint icons are C (=corn), W (=wheat), and B (=soybeans). Icons change automatically every 6 months. And the Garmin Kansas 200 - All of the above features, PLUS!! (wait for it...) - Built-in basemap includes the location of the tree AND Mt. Sunflower AND the Geodetic Center of the Conterminous US. Location of the World's Largest Ball of Twine included in our Accessory software. Quote Link to comment
+julianh Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 A couple of new models for the international market: Garmin Oz (a.k.a. Garmin Australia) - Display is installed upside down (but looks fine when you are "down under") - "Welcome" message replaced with "G'day Mate" - Pre-programmed POIs include "The Black Stump", "Beyond the Black Stump", and "The Back of Beyond" Garmin Italia - Doesn't matter what you program when in "Navigation" mode - "All roads lead to Rome" Quote Link to comment
ryguyMN Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 (edited) Garmin Bahamas *A bug-free unit....paradise! Edited August 5, 2008 by ryguyMN Quote Link to comment
lookn4somthn Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 (edited) Garmin Washington: Built in windshield wiper. Also includes: ~Waterproof ~Comes in "Evergreen Green" ~Made from 100% post consumer recycled materials ~Rain gauge to prove that it doesn't really rain 'THAT' much... ~Unique icons to classify rain as: rain, showers, drizzle, mist, isolated showers, spot showers, scattered showers, and widespread showers ~Pill compartment for convenient storage of your seasonal depression medication (usually used Jan to Mar when it's drizzle and highs of 40s every day) ~Californian driver proximity alert/warning ~Starbucks proximity alert That's the best I can do tonight... ;-) ps. note that I have no real personal grudge against Californians and New York get's more annual rainfall than Washington State. ;-) Edited August 5, 2008 by lookn4somthn Quote Link to comment
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