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The Green and Pleasant Land

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Once upon a time in The Green and Pleasant Land there were three vicars. These vicars were sometimes jolly vicars and sometimes they were grumpy vicars. But their flock loved them very very much. Each of the vicars had a very large parish. Vicar number one was a bit of a fire brand and was known as the Pyro Rev. Vicar number two was never getting it quite right and was known as the Dodgy Rev and vicar number three had the habit of telling his flock all sorts of frightening stories about GeoHell and was known as the Stinging Rev. By their flock the vicars were affectionately known as the Three Revs.


Pyro Rev was in charge of the Parish of Micros. For many years this had been a small branch of the Church of GeoGod but it had in recent times become surprisingly popular largely because the Book of Micros was an easy and short read and no effort was really required. In charge of the Parish of Puzzles and Multis was the Stinging Rev. He had volunteered for this parish largely because he got to be told by the Bishops all the answers in the Book of Revelations to Puzzles and Multis, which saved him a lot of time when visiting his parish. The poor old Dodgy Rev was in charge of the parish called Everything Else. This was a very big parish and it was causing him a lot of premature baldness.


The Three Revs were a laid back bunch, and every time the GeoPope spoke or a Geocardinal sent a GeoEdict the Three Revs would get together and have a big revvy grump. GeoRome was a long way away over the big black ocean in a dark and dangerous land called the United Mistakes, and the Three Revs generally decided that as long as they told the Geocardinals that they were very very clever and were the fount of all GeoKnowledge, they would leave alone their three parishes in The Green and Pleasant Land.


By and large this was true. Travelling cost money. The GeoCardinals were very very rich because they never left their GeoCathedral except to go to confession in a place called WallSmart which was full of cheap trinkets they could buy. As a result they never paid that much attention to see if a GeoEdict had happened but felt very proud of themselves because the job of GeoCardinals was only to send out GeoEdicts, and they got closer to GeoHeaven the more edicts they sent out.


And it came to pass that one day the GeoPope was reading the Great Guidelines of the GeoChurch and he noticed that he had written there a long time ago that moneychangers were not allowed in the GeoChurch. My goodness, said the GeoPope - "I'd forgotten that". My Goodness echoed the GeoCardinals, "You'd forgotten that". The Geopope looked menacingly into the eyes of the GeoCardinals and asked them to lay their souls bare: "Are there any moneychangers in any branches of the GeoChurch". Not I, said the first cardinal, not I, said the second cardinal, not I said the third cardinal but I know of Three Revs who are.


"WHAT??!!" screamed the GeoPope - "you Knew and did not reveal your knowledge to your Lord and Master". The three cardinals begged and begged forgiveness because they didnt want to be thrown out of the GeoCathedral. "The Revs shall be cast out", said the GeoPope.


Unfortunately for the GeoPope one of the cardinals got on the dog and bone and spoke to the Stinging Rev and warned him that GeoBrimstone was to be cast at him from the home of the GeoChurch in the land of the United Mistakes. So the Stinging Rev got on the dog and bone to the Dodgy Rev and warned him also that GeoBrimstone was to be cast at him from the home of the GeoChurch in the land of the United Mistakes. Unfortunately they both thought the other was going to warn the Pyro Rev.


So Stinging Rev and Dodgy Rev went into hiding and Pyro Rev was left all alone. He got very very upset but already the brimestone was landing all around him. The GeoPope couldnt understand what all the fuss was about as it had been writ a very long time ago in the Great Guidelines - and everybody believed the Great Guidelines, didnt they? The GeoCardinals got quite upset because there were not so many vicars they could send GeoEdicts to and they risked becoming less important. As for the GeoFlock, well In the Green and Pleasant Land, the sun had come out and they all decided to go and practice their religion by doing good works visiting their geoBoxes which they had left all around the Green and Pleasant Land.

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