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Geocaching ruining a relationship


Adam-Eve

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I never know when Vinny is kidding, so I always assume that he is.

This time I think he's not, and further believe that his post is absolutely correct!...

 

I think there may be a fair number of us who would, if asked by him, advise the man "RUN!"

Exactly, I was not kidding. I was, at one time, a practicing psychotherapist while in a doctoral-level training program in clinical psychology in grad school (and eventually switched to another field, not because I was tired of my clients and their problems, but rather because I was incredibly weary of my insane fellow psych students and psych colleagues, and tired of the insanity of many of my psych professors...!) In any case, speaking from my particular perspective, it has been my experience that such boundary issues and related communication issues can often shift a lot in just a few sessions of short-term psychotherapy.

 

As far as advising the man to "run", I do not necessarily agree with Ed. Guessing from Eve's tale, her partner may have a few communication issues and other issues as well, and, in any case, such boundary issues as I referenced earlier can often shift pretty quickly if people can just realize what they are doing and that there is a different and far better way to manage relationships and boundaries. In any case, everyone brings a few issues and problems to an intimate relationship, even to the best of relationships, and I feel that it is not necessarily wisest to run at the first sign that your partner has a few issues or problems! :o

 

Much as some of the other recent posters on this thread have shared, my wife Sue and I have vastly different interests in the caching world; she loves to cache non-stop from dawn till after dusk for at least 3-4 days a week, time and budget permitting, whereas I tend to go after only one, two or three caches per month at most, and I usually carefully select them for either high terrain rating (i.e., terrain rating of 4 or above), or for being a really interesting or weird cache, and I usually cannot tolerate finding more than about three caches in one day, and never, at the max, more than seven or eight in one day. Sue, on the other hand, loves puzzle caches, loves to do all-day and multi-day caching road trips to nearby states, and can easily find 70 caches in one day, while any of those kinda activities would drive me MAD! So, we do not cache together often, and that works well for us. Same with my research field trips around the country; Sue never travels with me on those trips, because she would rather use her free time and budget to travel locally and find caches from dawn to midnight (I get ill just thinking of such things!) We both tend to be very independent anyway, and so our relationship only becomes stronger, happier and healthier because of the fact that we do many of our recreational and travel activities independently. We do share a few cache hunts together, and we also share some cache hiding and cache maintenance activities together, and, of course, we attend some geo events together (but again, the difference between us is that Sue attends about 32 geo events per year while I attend 3 events per year), and when we do any of these things, it is totally fun for both of us.

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Hmm... This relationship sees to be about two people who do not understand, nor respect, the other's needs. Me. Mine. I cache with friends and relatives. If they don't mind me going for one that they would rather sit out in the car, I'll got for it! If they say "Dolphin, give up." Then we'll stop and go somewhere else. Maybe even do something else. Relationships are built on mutual respect and understanding. "Whatcha wanna do?" "Geocaching and benchmarking?" That works if both are interested. But when someone says "Dolphin. Give up." Then dolphin gives up. It takes two to tango.

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:o My wife and I have a perfect relationship - I cache and she doesn't. When I return home with tales of adventure she smiles and pretends to be interested, she's the greatest. Likewise, when she does something exciting like yardsaleing I pretend to be excited for her. It works well for us.
My wife and I are the same way. I've fished and hunted without her too. I think having our own time has been very healthy for our relationship of 24 years.

 

I think your own time is healthy for relationships. My wife and I share a number of interests. Hiking, skiing, canoeing and geocaching are some of the ones we enjoy, so we often do them together. My wife also enjoys things that I have no interest in, and I enjoy things that really don't float her boat. That's perfectly fine as long

as you give each other space to enjoy their activities.

Edited by briansnat
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;):D Sorry ta read 'bout the OP's (anybuddy else foind it funny the "original" poster is Eve"?) suff'rin' (if ye weren't pullin' ourrr pegs :D !) an' aye 'opes ye've wurk'd out a satisfact'ry solution to ye an' yer mate's diverg'nt approaches the sporrrt. :D

 

It's a grrreat big whirrl'd o' cachin', an thar surely be's summit fer ev'rybuddy wiv an int'rrrest in 'splorin' 'er, whev'rrr frum the comf'rrrt 'n' ease o' one's arrrrmchair, the droiv'rrr's seat o' the geo-mobile (rollin' the wind'rrr down jest long 'nuff ta grab the micro' 'n' jot down yer initials) ta sum pleasant strolls through neighbourhood parrrks, little jaunts 'n' hikes, ta sum challenging caches whot requoires hextreme eff'rts, an' ev'ryfing in between; yer limit'd only by yer 'magination, aye do believe, an' each of us be's free ta tackle whotev'rr tickles our fancy (as well as ta stops anytoime, 'tho' me perrrs'n'l favourites always hinvolve the triumph of determination ov'rr comf'rrrt, an' it's the hexperience o' playin' outsoide aye relishes more 'n the smoiley.) :)

 

Guess aye be's in the hestimat'd 1% o' Wenches that preferrrs more physically demandin' challenges than me mate (if thar ain't mud, sweat, bugs, er deep snow, yer not troyin', sez aye, whereas the Cap'n wood luv nuffin' more 'n ta falls off a bar stool, an' foinds a cache starin' down at 'im frum und'rr the swiv'l seat!) but we bof 'joys each uv'rrrs cump'ny, an' the game, enuff ta keep punchin' in co-ord's an' givin' 'er a go when toime an' circumstances perrrrmits, an' we troys ta 'elp an' supporrrrt each uv'rr (an' anybuddy helse we meets) along the way. Sumtoimes we gits a smoiley, sumtoimes we DNF, but we ALWAYS have a 'venture, an' a tale ta share, which is all we're really lookin' fer, hanyways! :o

 

Gotsa defend the flip flop 'ere, too, as it be's me ultimate fave cachin' footware! Spend'd me furst foive years cachin' in me Birk's, purty much year round, an; sum o' the crews' most cherish'd darrrrft mem'ries 'appen'd whoilst aye were wearin' em, but aye nev'rrr let 'em stop me, ev'n if they us'd ta slow us down frequently, when aye'd kick one off whoilst runnin' ov'rr unev'n terrain an' the Pi Rats'd 'ave ta 'elps me search the bush, er 'atween the rocks on the beach fer 'em, er 'wade back inta a creek er stream an' pull one outta the mud where I lost it in crossin'. Bin stung'd bouy red ants at one cache, whot couldn't leave me nearly bare feets alone, ay've slipp'd and fall'd on sharp, barnacle-encrusted rocks on beaches as well as on soft, wet grass, suff'r'd innum'r'ble pokes frum brambles, branches, thorns, pine and fir needles, etc., but aye've nev'rrr 'ad so much fun, nor larf'd so 'arrrd, an' aye were verry sad, indeedy, the day the crew declar'd they couldna stands the soight er smell o' them naymore, an' aye 'adsta dispose of them as the 'az'rdous waste they wuz. Lookin' forrrrward ta gittin' a brrrrand new pair soon, though, an' ta breakin' 'em in on the cache trrrail. ;)

 

'joy'd rrreadin' yer posts, an' aye wishes ev'rybuddy a fun spring an' summ'r o' cachin', whotev'rr that is fer each o' ye's! :D

 

Cheers,

the Wench

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Once again, I'm not sure if Vinny is being serious or if he's pulling our chain.

I wrote that sincerely, but.... well... you may have a point there, after all, because I have, in the past few years, stumbled across several rant websites and blogs on the web where the ranters/bloggers have claimed that I am a CIA/Illuminati-sponsored "disinformation agent", sent to introduce misdirection and myth into a number of fields/realms.

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Once again, I'm not sure if Vinny is being serious or if he's pulling our chain.

I wrote that sincerely, but.... well... you may have a point there, after all, because I have, in the past few years, stumbled across several rant websites and blogs on the web where the ranters/bloggers have claimed that I am a CIA/Illuminati-sponsored "disinformation agent", sent to introduce misdirection and myth into a number of fields/realms.

Now that I believe.

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I am the cacher of the family. My husband would rather be doing something else. Like fishing. Cool, you go fishing I'm going caching. Or sometimes if I can't find someone to go with me, my husband will go. I usually have to tell HIM to give up, it isn't here or we are wasting too much time. I have two kids also. One owns her own gps and goes anytime I will let her, and a boy who says "geocaching ain't his thing" but yets walks up to every one like he was there when they were placed when I make him go. (Family fun day once a month). Give and take.

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Adam listening to stupid Tom Tom decides

 

Well there's your first problem......getting direction from a device used for ON ROAD navigation. Make sure to tell Adam that even though Tom Tom told you to park in this dangerous spot, humans are supposed to use their supirior intelligence to make safe choices.

 

 

He'll probably just state and you and blink. After that just say, "I love you honey bunny" and tussle his hair a bit.

 

And by chance, does Adam also set his caches by throwing them out the window while he's tooling down the highway? Might explain some stuff.

 

By chance, is THIS Adam?

 

BEDFORD HILLS, N.Y. - A Global Positioning System can tell a driver a lot of things — but apparently not when a train is coming.

 

A computer consultant driving a rental car drove onto train tracks Wednesday using the instructions his GPS unit gave him. A train was barreling toward him, but he escaped in time and no one was injured.

 

The driver had turned right, as the system advised, and the car somehow got stuck on the tracks at the crossing. He jumped out and tried to warn the engineer by waving. He got out of the way just before the train slammed into the car at 60 mph, Metro-North railroad spokesman Dan Brucker said Thursday.

 

The car was pushed more than 100 feet during the fiery crash.

 

Some 500 train passengers were stranded for more than two hours during the Wednesday evening rush hour. The accident also heavily damaged 250 feet of rail, Brucker said.

 

No. Fortunately he's not that dumb.

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Thanks everyone for your responses.

Adam and I are doing much better now and he apologized for upsetting me.

We had fun the rest of our vacation geocaching, especially when I found the caches. :)

 

Glad to hear things are going OK. Thanks for letting us know.

 

Be sure to carry a camera and when he falls in the mud be sure to get his pic. It will bring laughs for many years.

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Thanks everyone for your responses.

Adam and I are doing much better now and he apologized for upsetting me.

We had fun the rest of our vacation geocaching, especially when I found the caches. :)

 

Glad to hear things are going OK. Thanks for letting us know.

 

Be sure to carry a camera and when he falls in the mud be sure to get his pic. It will bring laughs for many years.

... and please post that pic in this thread. That way, it will be fun for all of us.

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I was wondering why you would talk about your relationship problems on here?
She was upset. We were available. He wasn't.

 

Also, since she saw geocaching (or at least the affect it was having on their relationship) as the issue, perhaps she could obtain useful advice from those of us who have had similar experiences.

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Somehow, I suspect we will yet see another rant type post, similar to this. I am not being hateful, but, I dont think the larger issues have been dealt with. Using a board for psychoanalyzation isnt the greatest thing in the world either, but, it beats bottling it up inside, I suppose.

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Doesn't anyone listen to CarTalk on NPR? Every week they have at least one call from someone who feels their relationship is being threatened over some car related issue. This is usually the best segment of the show. Sometimes you even learn something about cars.

 

This thread was no different. It was enjoyable to read, to try and guess if Vinny was being serious, and had good suggestions from other geocachers on how they handle relationship issues caused over a differing approaches to geocaching. There was even a good analysis about whether it is better to follow the arrow or to look for an easier access to the cache.

 

I learned a long time ago that geocachers are people just like everyone else (except for Vinny who is some kind of shapeshifting alien from another galaxy who is part of an advance PSYOPs unit sent to weaken our defenses for when the mother ship arrives for the full scale invasion). I've seen geocachers get involved in new relationships and others break up. Relationships can't be built solely around geocaching nor are they ended solely because of geocaching. But it's always interesting to see how people think that geocaching (or the car) is somewhat critical to their relationship.

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I was wondering why you would talk about your relationship problems on here?

Idk.

 

If you want to post your problems on here thats fine but i wouldnt recommend telling everyone your personal business. When everyone knows you business they will be in your business and make it worse. I would be very mad if i was having trouble in my relationship and my wife posted it on here. Your best bet would be to calm down and wait and talk it out with your partner dont run to others so quickly. Just my advice take it or leave it.

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I was wondering why you would talk about your relationship problems on here?
Idk.
If you want to post your problems on here thats fine but i wouldnt recommend telling everyone your personal business. When everyone knows you business they will be in your business and make it worse. I would be very mad if i was having trouble in my relationship and my wife posted it on here. Your best bet would be to calm down and wait and talk it out with your partner dont run to others so quickly. Just my advice take it or leave it.
On the other hand, the post that started this thread reads like an interesting DNF post. I can't imagine anyone getting too bent because of it.

 

Edited to add that the worse case scenario, in my opinion, is that it sparks a discussion that could help resolve the very issue that prompted the thread.

Edited by sbell111
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I was wondering why you would talk about your relationship problems on here?

Idk.

 

If you want to post your problems on here thats fine but i wouldnt recommend telling everyone your personal business. When everyone knows you business they will be in your business and make it worse. I would be very mad if i was having trouble in my relationship and my wife posted it on here. Your best bet would be to calm down and wait and talk it out with your partner dont run to others so quickly. Just my advice take it or leave it.

On the other hand, the post that started this thread reads like an interesting DNF post. I can't imagine anyone getting too bent because of it.

 

Yeah it kinda reminds me of people that cant stay on topic and bring up other threads because that dont have anything interesting to add to the topic.

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I'd recall one of my favorite Clint Eastwood lines from Two Mules for Sister Sara, "Nag, nag, nag." :D
I do recall that same line was used in The Gauntlet and also if I recall correctly, he was shot when he was saying that in both... :D

 

Paddler Found and I have a good geo-relationship in that she's the voice of reason, and I'm the voice of "Come on thru, the palmettos and thorns aren't that bad and the mud not too deep and if we're really quiet we won't desturb the hogs resting nearby".... :D Actually that is me but then she's more the voice of "Are you okay in there?". We work well together and I think that's more the issue then who does what and when. When she says "Let's walk ahead a few hundred more feet and look for a better way" I usually tag along... reluctantly. Or if I blast thru the brush she is sure to keep track of me and my safety, or at least snap pictures of my foolishness. I don't make a big deal if she doesn't follow and often there is a better way and I'm glad she was reasonable enough to not follow.

 

Give and take while having respect and consideration for each other, that's what matters. In geocaching and much more. And at Tybee Island you should of first toured the lighthouse, the fort, then headed back to Fiddler's Crabhouse. Then when you went for the cache you'd be a little more at ease.... :D

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I don't think posting some problems in the forum is a bad idea. Sometimes a person just needs to know that there are others having the same types of problems. Maybe Eve wasn't looking for some psycho-analysis, maybe she just needed to hear from others that these kinds of problems do happen and that everything will be alright.

 

You or I would probably tell a close friend maybe even a not-so-close friend depending upon the severity of the problem and the proximity of certain friends. Eve stated that she was sitting in the car at the time (not real close proximity to any friends [adam was still caching]) and crying (apparently somewhat severe problem in her eyes) so we were probably the closest friends she could "talk to" at that time. I for one am honored that someone would feel that other cachers on the forums were trustworthy and caring enough to share one's personal problems.

Edited by tenacityj
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I don't think posting some problems in the forum is a bad idea. Sometimes a person just needs to know that there are others having the same types of problems. Maybe Eve wasn't looking for some psycho-analysis, maybe she just needed to hear from others that these kinds of problems do happen and that everything will be alright.

 

You or I would probably tell a close friend maybe even a not-so-close friend depending upon the severity of the problem and the proximity of certain friends. Eve stated that she was sitting in the car at the time (not real close proximity to any friends [adam was still caching]) and crying (apparently somewhat severe problem in her eyes) so we were probably the closest friends she could "talk to" at that time. I for one am honored that someone would feel that other cachers on the forums were trustworthy and caring enough to share one's personal problems.

 

Thanks.

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maybe there is a hidden reason behind this...is it possible he doesn't want you to like this? or have you along? not trying ot be mean, i'm just wondering if he wants this to be his thing and doesn't really have a way to tell you.

Edited by chadlyt
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maybe there is a hidden reason behind this...is it possible he doesn't want you to like this? or have you along? not trying ot be mean, i'm just wondering if he wants this to be his thing and doesn't really have a way to tell you.

 

No. He likes it when I come with him instead of just sitting in the car.

I guess my problem is I like to go after the easy caches instead of having to fight bugs, vines, and other dirty things.

I know all that stuff is geocaching, the fighting of brambles to search forever for a cache, but I like the simpler ones.

But maybe I'm just a wussy girl. :o

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maybe there is a hidden reason behind this...is it possible he doesn't want you to like this? or have you along? not trying ot be mean, i'm just wondering if he wants this to be his thing and doesn't really have a way to tell you.
No. He likes it when I come with him instead of just sitting in the car.

I guess my problem is I like to go after the easy caches instead of having to fight bugs, vines, and other dirty things.

I know all that stuff is geocaching, the fighting of brambles to search forever for a cache, but I like the simpler ones.

But maybe I'm just a wussy girl. :o

For every cacher that prefers the brambly, buggy, muddy caches, there is a cacher that prefers the brambleless, non-buggy, mud-free caches. If you don't mind hanging back while he goes after the ones that you don't like and he doesn't mind letting you look for the ones that you do like, I don't see a problem.
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Me and my wife go caching all the time. Sometimes we find them together, sometimes not. I have a tendency to be a little more daring, and she's usually happy to take pictures. I've crossed freezing rivers and climbed rock faces to get caches, and she's taken pictures of every time - if nothing more than to document my last moments! :laughing:

This is very similiar to what my wife and I do. I am the one who gets to do the dirty work, while she plays escort. Now when we get to one without mud, briars, thorns, bugs, you know the "icky" stuff then she all game. We've also learned that it works best if she drives and lets me work the "gadgets". I've learned to do a lot of compromising, but I find that it is worth it for the two of us.

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Me and my wife go caching all the time. Sometimes we find them together, sometimes not. I have a tendency to be a little more daring, and she's usually happy to take pictures. I've crossed freezing rivers and climbed rock faces to get caches, and she's taken pictures of every time - if nothing more than to document my last moments! :huh:

This is very similiar to what my wife and I do. I am the one who gets to do the dirty work, while she plays escort. Now when we get to one without mud, briars, thorns, bugs, you know the "icky" stuff then she all game. We've also learned that it works best if she drives and lets me work the "gadgets". I've learned to do a lot of compromising, but I find that it is worth it for the two of us.

 

That is exactly what my husband and I do. I drive, he works the gadgets, we argue over his directions B) Sometimes I send him in to get the cache and other times we both go for it. I'm learning that I can survive some of the hunts that include mud, briars, thorns, bugs and yes the "icky" stuff. He even got me knee high muck boots for x-mas!!! :huh:B)

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maybe there is a hidden reason behind this...is it possible he doesn't want you to like this? or have you along? not trying ot be mean, i'm just wondering if he wants this to be his thing and doesn't really have a way to tell you.

 

No. He likes it when I come with him instead of just sitting in the car.

I guess my problem is I like to go after the easy caches instead of having to fight bugs, vines, and other dirty things.

I know all that stuff is geocaching, the fighting of brambles to search forever for a cache, but I like the simpler ones.

But maybe I'm just a wussy girl. :laughing:

 

You must live in my neck of the woods, Savannah GA. I can vouch for the bugs and mud and stuff. The bugs can be especially bad. When the weahter is the nicest the bugs are the worse. Later on when it's hot the bugs won't matter, it will be to miserable even for them.

 

I hike and backpack and preparing for the conditions makes it a lot more enjoyable. I have lightwt outdoor gear that makes rain pretty much a non-issue. I don't like bugs and sun so I always wear a wide brim hat and light long sleeved clothing sometimes. I would rather be somewhere else but since I live here I try to make the best of it.

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I'm currently sitting in my car crying while Adam tries to find a cache.

We drove up to Tybee Island, Ga today to have fun and geocache.

Well the first cache we decide to go to Adam listening to stupid Tom Tom decides to pull over on the side of the road, cross a busy highway, to get to a cache instead of parking in the designated parking lot .70 miles away from the cache.

We muddle through the swamp and are halfway to the cache before Adam decides to go to the parking lot and walk from there. I'm mad cause we went through swamp just to turn back without the cache. I complained to Adam about my mud caked legs and he responded that geocaching would be the end of us, because I complain too much.

I just don't like having to go through unnecessary trouble so that we can say we found the cache.

I'm not blaming geocaching, but I just wished Adam would pick the path more traveled instead of looking for difficult shortcuts. :blink:

P.S. Thanks if you took the time to read this novel.

 

This problem may work itself out as you both become more experienced cachers. When we were new my husband did the exact same thing, I swear he'd follow that compass SO LITERALLY he'd climb a fence or cross the freeway if the arrow pointed that way! This, however, caused a lot back-tracking (and a little bickering) and wasted quite a bit of time. Bottom line, he took the wrong way several times, then figured out how much more procuctive it would be if he followed instructions. After all, when you take the hard way, the first thing you see when you get there is the EASY way you should have gone! :)

 

In the meantime, take turns holding the GPS and "leading" the searches. Then try and be patient if he messes things up when it's his turn. Bring a book along, that way if the terrain he's chosen is too much for you -- you can stay behind and read while he tries it on his own. When it doesn't work out, he'll be back. Then he can read the directions and you can both try again.

 

Remember, it's supposed to be a game, so work it out like you would any other game -- agree on some rules ahead of time and play fair. HAPPY CACHING!

Edited by swaninwa
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