Scottish Limerick Needed

[+The Hornet]

Tonight being Burns' Night I shall be attending an event at the local hostelry . One of the events planned is a "poetry" reading with a Scottish flavour and as I'm hopeless at that kind of thing I thought I'd ask the Geocaching Literary Brigade to come up with something to help me.

 

This being a family friendly site I'd ask you to keep any submissions "clean" .

 

So over to you............

[+wildlifewriter]

Rather short notice.

 

As a founder member of the Geocaching Literary Brigade, I have to ask - is there any extra money in this?

 

 

-Wlw

[+Alibags]

What time are you off out Peter? I have a book of McGonagal poems at home. They are 'excellent'

 

On the hill there stands a coo

it's go awa' it's not there noo

 

[+The Hornet]

There's nothing in it for you except that "warm glow" you get from helping someone

 

..and I leave about 7:15pm

[Sharpeset]

While eating his haggis and mash,

Macbeth made his plans for a cache,

But the evil drink

Caused the Great Man to think

"I'd rather go out on the lash"

 

I know, stick to my day job......

[+Sandiway Searchers]

Sharpset... I loved that!!!

[Sharpeset]

why thank you kindly, Sandiways - your turn!

[+The Southseakers]

Here's one we've just come up with...

 

There was a man from Strathclyde

Whose tackle a kilt would not hide

A large sporren he wore

That caused an uproar

When it exploded and thirty men died!

 

Yes, ok, we know it needs some work but it was the best we could do at short notice.

[+The Hornet]

Now we're getting somewhere

[+Simply Paul]

Ali's right about McGonagall:

 

The Tay Bridge Disaster

 

"Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!

Alas! I am very sorry to say

That ninety lives have been taken away

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

'Twas about seven o'clock at night,

And the wind it blew with all its might,

And the rain came pouring down,

And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,

And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-

"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."

 

When the train left Edinburgh

The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,

But Boreas blew a terrific gale,

Which made their hearts for to quail,

And many of the passengers with fear did say-

"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."

 

But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,

Boreas he did loud and angry bray,

And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

So the train sped on with all its might,

And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,

And the passengers' hearts felt light,

Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,

With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,

And wish them all a happy New Year.

 

So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,

Until it was about midway,

Then the central girders with a crash gave way,

And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!

The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,

Because ninety lives had been taken away,

On the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

As soon as the catastrophe came to be known

The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,

And the cry rang out all o'er the town,

Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,

And a passenger train from Edinburgh,

Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,

And made them for to turn pale,

Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale

How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,

Which will be remember'd for a very long time.

 

It must have been an awful sight,

To witness in the dusky moonlight,

While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,

Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,

I must now conclude my lay

By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,

That your central girders would not have given way,

At least many sensible men do say,

Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,

At least many sensible men confesses,

For the stronger we our houses do build,

The less chance we have of being killed."

 

Pure genius!

Edited January 25, 2006 by Simply Paul

[+Eckington]

I started off:

 

"An elderly cacher from Herts", realised exactly where it was going to finish and stopped before it got out of hand

[alistair_uk]

"An elderly cacher from Herts"

Delighted in lighting his...

 

Yes, I see your point, best put that one to bed.

Edited January 25, 2006 by alistair_uk

[+Galaxy Travellers]

Whoops Clean it should be!

 

Loch ness met a cacher

with his head in a cloud

old nessy old nessy

it's burns nigth you know

I wkon ti bee a nithg to remebmer

 

but alais I be with jack alnight

now I offf with another bottle.

 

It aint gonner ryme you knooo

Edited January 25, 2006 by Galaxy Travellers

[alistair_uk]

"An elderly cacher from Herts"

Delighted in lighting his...

 

Yes, I see your point, best put that one to bed.

Wait a mo, I think I can clean this up a bit.

 

An elderly cacher from Herts

Delighted in lighting his tarts (that is lemon tarts with a mini blow torch, I have seen it on ready steady cook)

One day there's a draft,

and his other half laughed,

as his GPS burned in the corner.

 

Not the best, but if it was tattooed on a cows behind and hung from the ceiling it could with the Turner prize.

[+Mr Nibbler]

I've read most of William Topaz McGonagall's "poetry" and a biography (my sides nearly split). I can recommend not "The Tay Bridge Disaster" but "The Miraculous Escape of Robert Allan, the Fireman". Full version follows.

 

'Twas in the year of 1858, and on October the fourteenth day,

That a fire broke out in a warehouse, and for hours blazed away;

And the warehouse, now destroyed, was occupied by the Messrs R. Wylie, Hill & Co.,

Situated in Buchanan Street, in the City of Glasgow.

 

The flames burst forth about three o'clock in the afternoon,

And intimation of the outbreak spread very soon;

And in the spectators' faces were depicted fear and consternation;

While the news flew like lightning to the Fire Brigade Station.

 

And when the Brigade reached the scene of the fire,

The merciless flames were ascending higher and higher,

Raging furiously in all the floors above the street,

And within twenty minutes the structure was destroyed by the burning heat.

 

Then the roof fell in, pushing out the front wall,

And the loud crash thereof frightened the spectators one and all,

Because it shook the neighbouring buildings to their foundation,

And caused throughout the City a great sensation.

 

And several men were injured by the falling wall ,

And as the bystanders gazed thereon, it did their hearts appal;

But the poor fellows bore up bravely, without uttering a moan,

And with all possible speed they were conveyed home.

 

The firemen tried to play upon the building where the fire originated,

But, alas! their efforts were unfortunately frustrated,

Because they were working the hose pipes in a building occupied by Messrs Smith & Brown,

But the roof was fired, and amongst them it came crashing down.

 

And miraculously they escaped except one fireman,

The hero of the fire, named Robert Allan,

Who was carried with the debris down to the street floor,

And what he suffered must have been hard to endure.

 

He travelled to the fire in Buchanan Street,

On the first machine that was ordered, very fleet,

Along with Charles Smith and Dan. Ritchie,

And proceeded to Brown & Smith's buildings that were burning furiously.

 

And in the third floor of the building he took his stand

Most manfully, without fear, with the hose in his hand,

And played on the fire through a window in the gable

With all his might, the hero, as long as he was able.

 

And he remained there for about a quarter of an hour,

While from his hose upon the building the water did pour,

When, without the least warning, the floor gave way,

And down he went with it: oh, horror! and dismay!

 

And with the debris and flooring he got jammed,

But Charlie Smith and Dan. Ritchie quickly planned

To lower down a rope to him, without any doubt,

So, with a long pull and a strong pull, he was dragged out.

 

He thought he was jammed in for a very long time,

For, instead of being only two hours jammed, he thought 'twas months nine,

But the brave hero kept up his spirits without any dread

Then he was taken home in a cab, and put to bed.

 

Oh, kind Christians! think of Robert Allan, the heroic man

For he certainly is a hero, deny it who can?

Because, although he was jammed, and in the midst of the flame,

He tells the world fearlessly he felt no pain.

 

The reason why, good people, he felt no pain

Is because he put his trust in God, to me it seems plain,

And in conclusion, I most earnestly pray,

That we will all put our trust in God, night and day.

 

And I hope that Robert Allan will do the same,

Because He saved him from being burnt while in the flame;

And all that trust in God will do well,

And be sure to escape the pains of hell.

[+The Hornet]

Thanks to everybody who contributed to a great evening at the local. As it's no longer Burns' Night I reckon it's time to close the thread. I knew we had a very "literary" team here