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Home Faction (aka Wife Faction)


prm
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Pout. I got the "I'm starting to resent geocaching" lecture last night. It seems the cache-a-day idea lasted about three weeks. Now it's back to people around the house ticked off because I find time for caching when there are "other things I should be doing."

 

Feh.

 

I guess I have to take caching only out of time previously allocated to sleep. I've been using caching as a way to help keep my 164/128 blood pressure down, but it seems I now have to have the high bp again.....

 

Feh.

 

Anybody else have this problem? Any good way to deal with it, preferably without giving up caching, or going less than half as often?

 

....

 

Cheers,

Phil

 

P.S. My son plays Everquest, where the characters have "faction" ratings. If someone hates you and will kill you on sight, your faction is low. If someone loves you eternally and will follow you into combat, your faction is high. I'm suffering from low home faction right now.....

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I get it constantly.

 

I've learned to not even mention geocaching (or the forums...they're even worse to spouses for the fear of time suck), as much as possible. If it's not in his awareness, then it doesn't exist. You get good at going on "errends", and then not mentioning that one or two of the errends happens to involve a geocache.

 

Over time you can get really good at it.

 

But it's still not the way to live, sadly enough. You just gotta be tough and stand up for yourself and try not to get worn down over time.

 

;)

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hubby problem here. it's not the caches so much, as it's the forums. ;) i can't always cache and the cheers thread is like a family to me.

 

we also don't watch the same type of television. what am i supposed to do? sit there and watch him watch sports, or endless reruns of kung fu, mcgyver, or walker texas ranger? B)

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hubby problem here. it's not the caches so much, as it's the forums. ;) i can't always cache and the cheers thread is like a family to me.

 

we also don't watch the same type of television. what am i supposed to do? sit there and watch him watch sports, or endless reruns of kung fu, mcgyver, or walker texas ranger? B)

Even though my hubby is a geocacher... the forums are a touchy subject for him. He is always worried that I'll peeve someone off from one of our local groups and he will end up hearing about it at work. (He has actually had coworker/cachers mention my forum posts to him... so he knows I'm in here!)

 

I agree with the folks advocating getting her hooked. At least a little, but if it doesn't happen... start talking about how having different hobbies is healthy for relationships as it keeps stories from becoming stale if you are always having adventures to get new ones.

-J

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I get that every once in a while. My concession was to promise that at least one weekend a month would be devoted to home/marriage activities and I could play the rest of the time with my friends. Every now and then I manage to trick her into going to a cache I know she will like, like in a nice rose garden or a drive into the country, ;) and then I can play all four days a month I take off from work.

Hiring a yard boy for the summer was worth every $$, and having someone come in to do the indoor cleaning is also worth it IMHO. We both work too dam hard to spend our free time scrubbing toilets, and I mop enough floors at work. B)

 

I do most of my foruming at work, so it isn't a factor.

 

But the real kicker was getting a note from my doctor saying I needed to get out and go geocaching more. :D:huh:B)

There was no arguing with that (even though she says I put him up to it). B)

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I’ve had many hobbies that my wife didn’t have the slightest interest, oh say like scuba diving in the pacific northwest, I caught plenty of flack about running off with my dive buddies and leaving her and the kids at home pining away, until I got the kids to go diving with me and that brought up other issues. B)

When I started caching I slowly but surely got her interested in it till now she is worse than I am about it. ;)

However about the forums, especially Cheers, sheesh I can think of worse ways to “waste” time at night, like watching reality TV. Last night she came into the bedroom after wasting 2 hours watching her programs and said with a sneer, “Oh I suppose you’re in Cheers again?” :D

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Sorry for this one - but I saw something similar to the previous post and a reply to it, so I thought I'd share it with you:

 

 

My one is shorter still!...

 

I lived happily ever after and went to Bluewater and watched DVDs and played computer games whenever I wanted.

 

THE END.

 

(I guess GC should be added here but didn't want to edit the original text).

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Alright, I will confess. I was a spouse who hated the thought of him going Geocaching every weekend. He would sneak it in while doing an errand or two or I would go with if it was for a drive. Now, if he goes, he goes. Unless something has come up. My opinion for things around the house is if it gets done, it gets done. I enjoy caching now. I don't do it as much as he does but I enjoy the events better.

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This came up once before and I will just quote my favorite reply I saw.

 

Renegade Knight

Posted: Aug 19 2005, 07:26 PM

 

 

Fresh air, sun, getting outside and exercising. What a horrible obsession.

 

Better give it up and get a mistress. That will suck up all your spare time and money as well. Maybe she will like geocaching.

 

;)

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My wife, the lovely Laura Jazz, at first took to caching. After about 100 finds though, she got sick of it and won't even hear the word mentioned. She did like to hike and so for awhile we would hike to within 100ft of the cache (usually the distance to the nearest trail), then I'd dive in and find the cache while she hiked back and forth along the trail in a 'parking orbit.'

This evolved into me just going caching by myself because sometimes it takes quite awhile to find one, especially if my wife won't help because she has eagle eyes and can spot them quite readily whereas it might take me 45 minutes.

 

At caching events she'd pass because she couldn't by this time stand to hear of anyone talking about caching, which is what happens at any caching event. So I got to go by myself which wasn't as fun.

 

Finally she discovered another hobby, knitting. While quite dangerous (due to the sharp needles flying about), it is very time consuming and she has established a network of friends in that hobby. So now we have some separate hobbies. She does her knitting, and I do my caching. We find time for our own separate hobbies and plenty of time together to do the things we like to do together, like playing piano duets, bowling, picking out baby names, and cat juggling.

 

I guess the moral of the story is you can't always expect to be tied at the hip to your mate. Some divergence of hobbies is healthy. It's too bad geocaching can't be one of them but don't sweat it. Find some other common interest and pursue that together, and go caching with your friends who enjoy it.

 

-mark

aka hugh jazz

aka lowracer

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Cheers,

Phil

 

P.S.  My son plays Everquest, where the characters have "faction" ratings.  If someone hates you and will kill you on sight, your faction is low.  If someone loves you eternally and will follow you into combat, your faction is high.  I'm suffering from low home faction right now.....

I played Dark Age of Camelot for 3.5 years. I played it a LOT. I mean several hours every day and sometimes 10, 12, 14 hours at a time. Not often that long but a few times when major stuff was going on.

 

When I discovered Geocaching I stopped spending all of my time indoors on the computer and started getting out hiking around. When I say I stopped I mean it. I haven't gamed since I found Geocaching.

 

My wife thought it was GREAT! We went to Montana to visit my daughter and we stopped every once in a while to grab a cache. A couple weekends ago she suggested we head up the hill to some nearby areas to do some caching and to see the beautiful scenery during the beautiful weather. She is only into it a little but sees it as a great and healthy way to spend my time and improve my health. I'm not a major fanatic like some but I do enjoy caching and I've done more hiking in the past few months than I did in the past few years prior to caching.

 

December 8 will mark 4 months since my first find. I currently have 212 finds with 20 of those being FTF.

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i to am a multitasker...while my hubby to be is watching everything on the DVR i am scoping out caches for this weekend and buzzing around the forum...during his FF thru commercials i get told im "geeking out"....i spend more time on the computer than the tv...thats good right..im rotting my brain in a different way....he goes with me on some caches when me and my friend go...but if he had a real choice he would rather tinker with his car! so now i let him do that while i cache...only thing is caching doesn't cost me anything...yet his tinkering cost a fortune!

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I guess you can call me fortunate...

 

I was once married to Satan's Daughter.

 

No matter what the activity, if it was away from her watchful and paranoid eye, it was deemed bad.

 

When I discovered geocaching it was during the first separation. The kids loved it intially and when we tried to reconcile, she seemed to enjoy it a bit also. But that soon changed when she was comfortable again. Because I was away form her watchful and paranoid eye (even when I had my son with me), geocaching was deemed bad and evil.

 

We separated for good and good fortune smiled upon me in a big way.

 

I was blessed to have met someone who enjoys caching as much as I do. We developed our realtionship and friendship while walking to caches over a period of a few months. It has led to the best relationship I have ever experienced.

 

Caching is still a regular thing. I can cache without her and she without me, but we prefer to cache with each other for the most part. Heck.. she will even run out in the middle on the night on XMAS Eve and drive 30 miles to snag a FTF with no complaints. We have organized caching events and spend long weekends out of town without a foul word to each other. As long as she doesn't want to swim in the middle of the night, we are ok. B)

 

I catch no flack at all for posting in OT, more specifically cheers as much as I do.

Heck.. she's busy with those f'in Neopets. ;)

 

So I no longer have that conflict of caching vs. relationship/ home time.

 

Life is good and I am very lucky.

Edited by Special Ed
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My wife doesn't cache much. She's been on a few with me, and if the weathers nice and the walk is short...she doesn't mind the diversion. She never gives me grief when I head out on a cache hunt. I never give her grief when she goes out with the girls. She is starting to enjoy the cache events, as they're mostly just social gatherings.

 

I guess I got it made. I sure do appreciate her tolerance of my hobbies.

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You tread a fine line with wanting to enjoy an activity that takes you out of the home and spending time around the home. I don't think it is a problem with the chores but with the time you are NOT spending with your "other". Home time for me comes first. I work 2nd shift and my wife works 1st shift. I get the kids off to school and she picks them up. From there I have several options, it all depends on what needs done and how bad it needs done. From there I manage to grab some caches, I even try to pick some up when I run around town on errands. For us we spend on average a total of 16 hours a week "together". My wife has only gone with me once, its not her thing nor do I expect it to be. She understands that it is harmless fun but she does enjoy picking on me about my hobby. Oh yes I do take the kids out with me to give her some free time as well. I would love to spend all day caching but that is unrealistic for me. So suck it up and do the dishes, laundry, get dinner started in the slow cooker then you can go find a cache, oh I need a gallon of 2%.

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Wow, drop a post before leaving work and there's 30 replies in the morning! Dang. :huh:

 

Lots of good advice in here. I think I'll pass on the divorce idea, Lep. No offense. I think I'll take the "suck it up" approach and just take the caching out of errand/sleep time. Oh, and business trips. Those can help....

 

Cheers,

Phil

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Well I guess Im lucky, I got my wife and kids involved in all my hobbies and they happen to like them. We all go camping and we all have dirt bikes and we all go caching. I guess I just choose to pick hobbies that I think the wife and kids will enjoy also and lucky for me ive picked the right ones so far.

 

Now going to Hooter's with my buddies on Wed night and drinking beer and eating wings and flirting with the girls hasn't caught on with my wife yet, BUT im still trying.

 

J

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I've found that the line "Why don't I take the kids out caching and you can relax a bit" works wonders, and the end result is less resentment and a greater chance that she'll tolerate me running out at some odd hour for an FTF, or leaving early for something to grab a cache on the way, etc.

 

Last Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), the kids were hanging out with the grandparents. She went shopping and I went caching, and we both had a great day. I think the key is, what is she left doing when I'm caching. If I'm leaving her with the kids (when she's at home with them all day), or if she's stuck doing some mundane chore while I'm out having fun caching, I can understand how that might be a little difficult for her.

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Hide a christmass present that she would have to use the GPS to find. B)

 

Myself being I live alone I do not have the problem but my Girlfriends says I spend to much time geocaching and tells me I should get a job. After a got hurt while looking for a cache two weeks ago she told me I cann't play with my goecache buddy anymore B)

 

I even went and got a job (Just for christmass) but I told them no weekends and only Mon-Thur and they went for it, not eay task when you take a job in a retail store. :huh:

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Wife Problems

 

With a stay-at-home wife, a 9 month old, and a 3 1/2 yr old, my caching has been diminished also. I had to give up my FTF drive (most of the time) so I could wait until the whole family could go caching with me. During the "off times' when I can't go caching, I get to read all the "I can't believe I beat the Fox, to FTF logs."

 

It doesn't help that I have lots of home projects right now also. There will be more time in the future for caching.

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I guess I should add that, while I get no flak for caching, I also vacuum every weekend, clean up my own cooking/eating messes, cook dinner about half the time (although we often don't make an organized dinner), scrub the tub when it starts getting icky, etc. If you help with the housework you will be less likely to get flak for doing other things - unless, like a previous poster, you are married to one of Satan's daughters. :huh:

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I have the general problem of no one but me is really into caching. I am a student, therefore Monday through Friday means no caching. On the weekends, caching is sometimes plausable, but not always. My mom, a cacher, just caches every now and again. I would like to cache everyday if I could. I guess that it affects a lot of us.

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Dude! Get a job where you're gone all the time!

 

Buy a motor home, set it up in distant cities where you are working and fly home for the occasional weekend.

 

While doing this raise 6 children, stay married for 33 years.

 

Then retire, stay home 24/7.

 

She'll soon BEG you to go geocaching, fishing, anything to get you out from underfoot!

 

Worked for me!

Ed

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Too funny! My wife, GeoRose, just read this thread and said:

 

I love it when you're in the forums, parked in front of the computer! I know where you are, you're not spending any money, you're not getting in any trouble - it's a good babysitter!

 

ROFL,

Ed

She obviously doesn't know about the coin forum where it's very possible to spend your money without getting up! :anitongue:

 

:laughing:

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My future hubby and I have one night a week (sat nights) where we do our own thing, ie he goes out with the guys and I go geocaching. Then on Sat days we goecach together. My other geocaching time is spent before hubby gets home from work.

 

Tell wife about health benies, try to get her involvd or set upa schedule that is acceptable and worked out between the two of you....communication is the key.

 

I guess I'd also figure out what she thinks you are negelcting and make sure you keep on top of it. If it is time with the kids, take the kids. If it is chores make sure they are done before you go. If it is time with her set up a night that you and her spend together doing something she loves.

Edited by CamoCacher
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My future hubby and I have one night a week (sat nights) where we do our own thing, ie he goes out with the guys and I go geocaching. Then on Sat days we goecach together. My other geocaching time is spent before hubby gets home from work.

 

Tell wife about health benies, try to get her involvd or set upa schedule that is acceptable and worked out between the two of you....communication is the key.

 

I guess I'd also figure out what she thinks you are negelcting and make sure you keep on top of it. If it is time with the kids, take the kids. If it is chores make sure they are done before you go. If it is time with her set up a night that you and her spend together doing something she loves.

If I made sure to do all the things that he thought that I was neglecting, I would never be able to get out to geocache again. :anitongue:

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I should have said resonable.

 

I think it is reasonable that the trash is out before we go out, the dishes are in the dishwasher and it is running, there is not a weeks worth of laundry piled up, the animals are cared for, etc.

 

I do not feel the Honey do list must be finished or anything like that.

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I should have said resonable.

 

I think it is reasonable that the trash is out before we go out, the dishes are in the dishwasher and it is running, there is not a weeks worth of laundry piled up, the animals are cared for, etc.

 

I do not feel the Honey do list must be finished or anything like that.

:laughing:

 

But my husband does... :anitongue:

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Over a number of years I have been able to teach my spouse a basic truth:

 

All husbands have a hobby ... its just that many wives don't know what it is.

 

After we got married, some of her friends had husbands who seemed perfect, and I often heard about what great guys they were. As time passed, one by one her friends discovered what perfect hubbies hobby was ... and it was not fishing ... more like skin diving. At the time of each divorce, I would take the opportunity to politely point out that: All husbands have a hobby ... its just that many wives don't know what it is.

 

After about the tenth divorce, it sunk in. My lovely bride of 35 years knows what my hobbies are, and is generally happy about that.

 

FWIW,CharlieP

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