I hope I cut this quote right. Here's the deal when I meet strangers, even caching, certain topics always come up. Because I have ovaries one of the first questions I am always asked is "Do you have children?" Then eventually relationship status comes up.
I know this might be hard for many people to want to understand but being LGBT is NOT just what happens in the bedroom. It's not just a particular act in bed. It's not just having sex. Believe it or not we have normal relationships just like everyone else.
So say we start having a normal friendly conversation. Say you mention something about your opposite gendered partner if you have one. Now I mention something about my same gendered partner. Has NOTHING to do with sex. It has to do with my relationships and now you know generally what my sexual orientation is.
Or how about this. I show up at an event with my partner. We're holding hands. Maybe we even hug as couples are prone to do on occasion. It has NOTHING to do with sex but you now know what my orientation is. Or maybe I don't come with a partner but maybe we have friendly conversation about work or our lives because in my experience there are finite number of geocaching topics to talk about. And realistically most people want to get to know their fellow cachers as people. Who I am as a person includes who my partner is and subsequently the fact that I am part of the LGBT community. It is also my job. It is also my other hobbies. A lot of things make up who I am.
I would never ask a straight person to not show love to their partners in public. I wouldn't say don't hug in front of me or hold hands because your straightness makes me uncomfortable. I would enjoy being in the presence of that love and I certainly wouldn't say they are jamming their sexuality down my throat unless they are disrobing and doing it right there in front of me.
Because I don't know how the straight community is going to respond to me having a same gendered life partner when I have a partner I am at times much more comfortable going out with other people in the LGBT or allied community. I mean take this thread for a example. Lots of things have been thrown around. Say this was an event and I never knew any of you and say I showed up with my partner only to find all you all that uncomfortable with it. How do you think I would feel about that? I like to know when meeting groups that the most basic aspects of who I am will be ok so I don't leave feeling like a big old pile of poo. Or being made to feel so uncomfortable that I want to crawl into a hole.
You're also dealing with someone here who has literally been threatened with violence of all sorts just for going out to eat with a same gendered partner. Who has had be subjected to vandalism and horrible hateful things being yelled at me all because I held I hands, hugged or went out on a normal date with a same gendered person. After dealing with that in my personal life of course in my geocaching life which is just a microcosm of the larger society I might just want to occasionally hang out with people who I know have experienced the same (if not worse). I don't have to explain then why I feel the way I feel or worry about things I worry about. I don't have to question what's going to happen if I go out into the woods with someone who suddenly figures out that I'm in the community and is suddenly not so ok with that. I've been in situations like that in other areas of my life and it's a horrible feeling.
Also, if people are that uncomfortable with who I am or who any LGBT person is then I don't particularly want to subject myself to that either. If people can't see past the sex act and into the fact that I do have loving, normal relationships, a normal job and a pretty normal life... it's not really someone that I want to hang with. And I'm quite sure the people who are that uncomfortable would be much happier to not be subjected to hanging out with me either in that case...
That's really all I have to say on this topic. I can't make people understand what it's like to live this life or feel the way I feel. Or have to be faced with the threats and violence I have been faced with just because of who I love. I can't ever make people understand but I wish I could.
i'm so lucky that the friends i cache with couldn't care less who i sleep with.